Not to beat a dead horse, but they're right. 1.) you're 20. You're g2g for atleast another 5 yrs on your natty hormone levels. 2) if you can't go 100% in the gym, steroids are a waste of money, especially var! 3) this goes without saying, but an oral only cycle of anavar will do more damage than good to your balls (and liver values) without a test base. Trust me, ive done this cycle years ago when i was ignorant. i was shutdown as all get out and disnt keep any gains after the cycle ended. keep focusing on your diet and Once you've made a full recovery, go hard natty for a few years again then maybe reconsider a cycle! Best of luck!