If another couple asked you to have a foursome

[cindylou]

Trust is important, but I think it goes a lot farther than that. I can have 100% trust and security with my partner, but if I care about him, I am still not going to want to watch another girl pleasing him. That's MY job. Some things are better left to fantasy, those situations are almost impossible to navigate if we are talking about a first time thing. The couples who pull it off only do so because both parties already have an existing detachment from the intimacy of sex (not uncommon for men, but pretty uncommon for women) and understanding of what their reaction will be.

Even if you don't touch the other girl, can you be sure one day that she won't get the little seed in her head, "I wonder if he was more turned on by watching her than he was by watching me?" Add that to this being a couple you know, and you see this woman at work, and it's going to fester. I guess this is where trust comes in, but it's impossible to know when you are in uncharted waters.

If you ever DID do this with her, I'd say you would have to figure out a way to do it with a couple or woman who you could sever ties completely with afterward. You would have to take steps that went above and beyond your normal communication routine to make sure this didn't put any cracks in the pavement.

what a mind fuck

I never thought about it from that perspective

 

[caligirl85]

Fuck! Ok all points take this shit is off, lol.

LOL so here's the summary....psych unit, closet geigh men, and mess up your marriage....nuff said?!? j/k

 

[WoodyO]

LOL so here's the summary....psych unit, closet geigh men, and mess up your marriage....nuff said?!? j/k

I'm still interested.

 

[caligirl85]

what a mind fuck

I never thought about it from that perspective

It's a complete mind fuck. And even if it's a one time thing and then you go back to just fantasy talk, you might always wonder if he really wants to go back to more or is he fantasizing about someone specific if it's just dirty talk? Is he really being honest that it's ok if we don't do it again? Granted...it's all insecurity but it has a way of playing on your mind and your heart. It creeps in slowly.

 

[caligirl85]

I'm still interested.

Why does that not surprise me? lol

 

[Headholio]

My wife and I had a really good friend. Really good friend. She was a hot scandanavian, and became like part of our family after a while. I had a terrible crush on her. In fact you could say I loved her. But my wife loved her too. it was a really unique situation where we were 3 people all very close.

One time the girls took a vacation together and I surprised them by showing up, and ended up sleeping with this girl while my wife was asleep in the bed next to us.
In the morning, I layed with her, and massaged her and snuggled with her, while my wife was in the other bed reading the newspaper, like totally cool.
I was shocked, because my wife has NO sexual wild side what so ever. I mean, we have a great sex life, but she never was promiscuous and had very limited experience before me.

Anyway, it was a nice day in my life. I had fantasized about having a 3some and that was the closest I got, but it never progressed into that.

Afterword, I brought it up with her, like "hey that was so great and you are sooooo cool for just letting that happen and knowing that there was nothing bad about it etc. "

But, she said, "I thought I was cool with it, but I realize now that I'm not cool with it and it makes me sick to think about it...."

Oh well. You figure out your own moral to that story.

But in my mind the ideal 3some would be something like that, where there is really love between all of us. There has been one other girl who also became equally close to my wife and to me, but that's a rare situation. Nice though.

 

[Soulthief]

I don't even like to share food! I freak out if someone wants just one french fry. I'm pretty sure I can't share something as great as a naked woman.

 

[AFeedz]

IMO a 3some doesn't cause insecurity that doesn't exist already, it only points it out and allows someone an outlet to blame their existing feelings on.

I've told my man a feeew times that if I was maybe only 99% secure with us at the point we decided to go for it, I wouldn't do it. I think the idea is a good mirror for existing insecurities, probably for better reasons, than a cause of new ones.

In fact, the first time we thought about it, we had a pretty long, drawn out discussion about what we want, don't want, how the fantasy makes us feel compared to how we most honestly would feel IRL, and at the end of that conversation, we felt *more* intimate, on a total lovey high knowing how much we loved and trusted each other enough to know the 3rd person is temporary and fun, not a permanent 3rd party or distraction from our love and life together.

It's not fair to talk about how it could ruin a relationship by saying it could bring insecurities to the surface if we don't alternatively point out it can bring to the surface the extent of just how sure you both are that you only romantically want each other.

 

[Headholio]

I don't even like to share food! I freak out if someone wants just one french fry. I'm pretty sure I can't share something as great as a naked woman.

Yeah it doesn't sound like your a good candidate for this type of thing if you don't like when people touch your french fry

 

[caligirl85]

I agree with you Annie but I think you would be an exception to the rule. Most people don't have the insight or the wisdom and they jump in too quickly. Can it work? Absolutely. But I think you would be the ideal and not the norm.