Please Scroll Down to See Forums Below Thx Nef I will consider what you say as well. Seems this has been tried and tested here before with not so good results.
Maybe you're right and fantasy is better left to fantasy.
Maybe you're right and fantasy is better left to fantasy.
If another couple asked you to have a foursome
- Thread starter Captain FT
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Pm me if you like and Ill give you a few guidelines. I'd never go back to that lifestyle but learned a lot.
Sounds like that box from Hellraiser that you so badly want to play with and touch but once you do the hooks come out and drag you in the box to the pit of hell...hmmm, maybe better off not doing this.
If I was single I guess it would be a whole different story.
Lol that's a good analogy! It's not to say it wouldn't work but you'd be better off finding a woman who does not come attached and has no previous ties and who knows the rules and knows who's making the rules (in this case your wife).
For what it's worth, there are a lot of closet bi sexual men in the swinging community and you'd never know it until you're in a foursome situation and not sure who is grabbing your man parts!
I don't mean to be a fun killer, and my knowledge of swinging is limited to what I saw on "Real sex" (HBO show) when I was younger lol. But I did once have a bf who had the threesome fantasy, and though he never actually suggested it, I did some serious soul searching about what it might take for me to be ok with that situation, what boundaries I would have to establish, how to feel in control of the situation, etc.
Cali is more equipt to give guidelines, but personally speaking I offer one more tidbit of general advice:
If this is a fantasy she actively wants to pursue, you should urge her to take responsibility for that and not take it lightly (not saying she is, but it's important to emphasize it). Have a no holds barred discussion of all the potential negative ramifications. Have her research swinging and read accounts of other women who have tried it, especially ones who's first experience was after being married (both with success and without) - I'm sure google can turn up plenty of both. Have her pick the female, so she never has to wonder about your motivations. Have her set the rules, but make sure she has really emotionally explored her needs - Needs prior, during, and maybe most importantly after.
Swinging, when successful, is usually a lifestyle. People who approach it casually, and other things like BDSM, tend to do so carelessly and without researching it on that level or having consideration for what happens AFTER you go there with your partner. It might make it less sexy to have to be so thorough about it, but you are setting yourself up for disaster if you don't.
I think the reactions really depend on if its a couple and another couple, and if both parties really do want something as opposed to one of them participating after a little coaxing.
I can see how resentment and insecurity would fester should say, the woman, only have participated after a little convincing. But if both people want and fantasize about it equally, and I think if the 3rd person isn't a regular part of their lives, it's a little different. There's no during-sex "I don't like her touching him" or post-sex "did he like her more than me" if, for example, you both mutually brought her into your bedroom to sexually satisfy both of you.
I also don't think it necessarily means people who pull it off are detached from sexual intimacy in general. I think two people could be very much attached to each other without attachment to the 3rd person.
I think for sure the determining factor is the mutuality of the fantasy, even more so than the trust or security, though those are both musts as well.
But I'm talking about something slightly different. I wouldn't bring in another couple.
I can see how resentment and insecurity would fester should say, the woman, only have participated after a little convincing. But if both people want and fantasize about it equally, and I think if the 3rd person isn't a regular part of their lives, it's a little different. There's no during-sex "I don't like her touching him" or post-sex "did he like her more than me" if, for example, you both mutually brought her into your bedroom to sexually satisfy both of you.
I also don't think it necessarily means people who pull it off are detached from sexual intimacy in general. I think two people could be very much attached to each other without attachment to the 3rd person.
I think for sure the determining factor is the mutuality of the fantasy, even more so than the trust or security, though those are both musts as well.
But I'm talking about something slightly different. I wouldn't bring in another couple.
WoodyO
New member
Thx Nef, all very good points. This sounds like too much work, lol. It sounded so much better as:
"Hey want to have a foursome or threesome"
"Yes, yes I do"
I don't even think I answered, some muffled words just floated up from my crotch that sounded like "yes".
"Hey want to have a foursome or threesome"
"Yes, yes I do"
I don't even think I answered, some muffled words just floated up from my crotch that sounded like "yes".
I worded the detachment statement poorly, because really you are saying essentially what I meant. I didn't intend to imply that you can only pull it off if you are detached from sex. More the capability of detaching in those situations. With a first time experience, it's impossible for CFGT and wife to know if she can do that successfully based solely on the existence of a fantasy. Thus my advice she dig a little deeper. But essentially, we're on the same page about this. I just wasn't as clear there as I wanted to be.
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