Internet Romance

[Beaverscratch]

Tatyana- If you like the guy and you do end up falling for him, ignore BM and others who tell you to play some game to make it work or to find a "real" man. This "Make him pay" and all that "trust me I know it all" talk is based on BM's past experiences and isnt neccesarily fact. You cant just label people or relationships. You can't predict what will happen either.

I think the guy will demand that he pay for everything anyway. I would never have dinner or any meal with a woman (even if she was my sister, aunt, friend) without paying for the meal. Some guys differ in that respect. It doesnt mean they arent "real men".

 

[puddlemonkey]

I pay for everything when I'm with a girl, but I do it because that's how I was raised and I want to, not because she demands it. If she starts demanding things, she's gone.

 

[ceo]

Tat I have no wisdom to offer well cause I just think your inner guide is way more robust/stentorian/pragmatic then my voice. However, I will say this that the internet obfuscated by our lack of cultural/self awareness is becoming more and more embedded with identity. Considering in the United States, unaware of Europe on this, however 26% or 17 million peeps are dating online, I know it's a different issue, however, I believe it is related. I can offer my own experience. I joined in March and this is my first board, I'm totally new. I used to only use the Internet for school predominantly, however, wanting do research on an upcoming 3rd cycle I found this place. One month later I find myself entrenched in C&C. Okay, so I broke up with my SO, like 4 months ago and then have dated 2 girls I met through the internet. The first, I met IRL and we had a connection, however she was an undergrad and only 21, I got tired of hanging out with her undergrad friends. I mean I felt like the old guy on some 90210 televison series. I am dating now a 23 year old, who is basically a female spiritual analogue of myself and it has been going well. She is in EL Paso working on her masters and teaches 6th grade. I spent 4 days 6 weeks ago with her. December its 10 days, the only hang up is obvious, the fact that I have to use SouthWest Airlines to get luvin. I am not for the current paradigm of technological knowledge that is our paradigm, however I will not get into that. What I will get into is that good or bad, online culture is expanding exponentially and while it is not a substitiute for Interpersonal friendship/bonding/intimacy it can be a supplement. The old adage of U take things too seriously, is proving to be contradictory, anything that U use as a medium to connect is going to be personal. In an age where meaning is becoming more important as a large proportion can take survival for granted, expression comes to the forefront, so that said... I'm all for Your Romance and meet up with this very, very forunate soul.
Take Care Gorgeous.
I hope U dug my Profile message.

Paragraphs man, paragraphs.

 

[ceo]

I pay for everything when I'm with a girl, but I do it because that's how I was raised and I want to, not because she demands it. If she starts demanding things, she's gone.

yep.

 

[desmond]

Just read through the entire thread. Interesting read. Some comments:

(1) Tat i see nothing wrong with internet dating. Never even attempted to do it, but we have to take risks in life, and i'm doubting the % of internet "psychos" exceed the % of psycho's generally
(2) Splitting bills: I'm a bit shocked that only real "men" insist on paying for the bill. The concept of NOT bill splitting seems absurd. Certainly, any women who believes in equal women's rights but not bill splitting is hypocritical essentially in my view; clinging to "privileges" of an outdated era would turn me off. I prefer independent, modern women who adopt this attitude at all times, not only when it suits them.
(3) I don't agree that men never want friendship only out of women. Whilst most of my closet friends are other guys, I have several extremely close female friends and not wanted anything more. And I can think of the same being true for many other male friends of mine.

 

[Thandie]

I think there's a lot of missunderstanding here. From the information we've gotten and so far all we know is that they talk for a long time on the phone and pm a great deal. We don't know how old he is, what he does, if he has children, etc.

I believe we were talking about the INITIAL meeting. People do what's best suited for them once they're compatible. If we are talking about sharing, then why does Tat has to: get time off from work, pay all her expenses, going to a place she's not familiar with to meet a practical stranger while he has to make no effort or make any expenses. I think that's a recipe for dissaster. If he either comes to her (which is what I initially suggested or they share the expense) then it sounds more reasonable then the way it's being planned. It's human nature that when one of the two parties starts assuming most of the effort, that's how the relationship will be established. And I'm not talking financial, just who's putting more into the relationship then the other. Unless you're very young or have never had a relationship, you don't know what I'm talking about.

I think we're also talking about a different generation, where I believe Tat is not in her 20's nor is the guy she's meeting (I guess) therefore is a bit different. Men from my generation tends to open doors (which I particularly don't care for since I can do that, but somehow they feel insulted, ha) and do other things that most young men (and not all) don't think about.

I'm personally looking out for her best interest and safety, since to me he's just a guy whom she seems to have a connection with, but don't know at all. I don't know Tatyana either, but I certainly know her a lot more then I know him. So I'll continue to believe she should be safe..

 

[beefcake28]

I pay for everything when I'm with a girl, but I do it because that's how I was raised and I want to, not because she demands it. If she starts demanding things, she's gone.

Exactly.

 

[UA_Iron]

When you meet him make sure he wears a condom. Dont fall for the "I'm on male birth control" line

 

[Smurfy]

lol BM went hog wild up in this piece

 

[Bikini Mod]

I think I was raised in a different way, I was going to uni with my father when I was under 5, my mother went back to work when I was very young, both went back to uni while I was in infants/elementary school, my mom made more money than my father and we had a unique non-traditional division of labour in my household.

While what you are saying may be great advice in the current or previous paradigm, I am out to create a new paradigm and a different sort of relationship/space between men and women.

I really don't get the concept of exchanging money for my 'value' or worth, and while it may be one measure of success, money is not the only measure of a good human being.

I do understand what you are saying 100%, believe me. But wanting to create a whole new paradigm functiong in a world where what I stated still exists, well, that will be a task. Not impossible - NOTHING is impossible, but you will most certainly find yourself flustered a time or six... as I did find myself on many occasions. The last time it happened is when I said, "I am tired of beating my head about the walls. I am not the one who created 'the rules' and I still think they suck but doing shit this way, well it just isn't working for me anymore." So instead of bucking the system I learned to function within it and found myself A LOT happier, a lot more quickly. The same happened to my two best gf's who recently got engaged; and they are in their mid 40's so they certainly spent their fair share of time "bucking the system" too. (PS - none of us EVER wanted to remarry... EVER )

I was raised in a traditional Eastern European household where even though my mother wanted to get a job outside the home to help with the bills, my father would not allow it. Interestingly enough this all changed when my parents bought a business when I was 11 and the bulk of the household duties shifted to me and then my little sister. My mother worked ALONGSIDE my father - one without the other would have = no money coming in. I was the same with my exhusband. We had our own business, both my mother and I WORKED (brought money in) but WE were the only ones to care for the household (with the exception of cutting the lawn and shoveling the snow) and the children too.

I only have an issue with the last sentence. What would make you think that I think that money has ANYTHING to do with a human being, being GOOD?

Money has ZERO to do with a human being good or bad. But the ability to generate a good/tremendous income most certainly DOES increase their desirability when it comes to selecting a life mate.

And DT - you are correct about not having common life goals (or being deceptive/deceived about it) is definitely something that will quickly erode an otherwise happy relationship. In the beginning when everything is fresh and new and exciting tiny little annoying habits might actually seem "charming". But as the newness of sex and the freshness of the situation wheres off these tiny charming quirks become tremendous sources of contention. Now add to the mix that you find that you don't really want YOUR LIFE to go in the direction of the other person and the powder keg quickly ignites leaving both parties scratching their heads wondering, "What THE HELL was I thinkin?"