Internet Romance

[Thandie]

That means that you don't pay for airfare, hotel, meals, parking, or any sort of incidentals connecting with the entire "date". You don't bring the dude a present as any sort of gesture. You don't bake cookies. You don't open doors. You wait for him to help you out of the car. You allow him to order for you. You allow him to help seat you.

If a man wants your attention then he must fight for it. Because he has gained it enough for you to have telephone and chat exchanges only means that he must move to the *next level* in order to KEEP IT.

You are like Missouri now. You are the, "SHOW ME" state.

He wants you?... then let him fight for THE CHANCE to capture you.

If he isn't willing to jump through hoops for you then guess what.. to phrase a book written by A MAN "He's just not that into you". And do you not value yourself enough to only "be caught" by a man who would do nearly anything for you?

Where did I learn all of this?

FROM MEN.

Yup, my old grump gave up every single dirty little "man secret".

LOl, I had a feeling Tat would not understand paying for shit. Welcome to the us of America.

BM is right. Even if a guy is not wealthy, he wants to impress the woman he wants. Unless he's selfish or not care or cheap, in which case it's not going to help you.
I wouldn't go as far as him having to pay for your trip to the loo, or he's going to think he's going to have to take care of everything you need. But he should pay for airfare, hotel, your meals and any outings you both have. When you're on your own and you want to do something without him; like breackfast at the hotel and he's not there, then you should pay for that.

Gog, I hope this works for you. This is not the way to get and education on MEN 101! But it is more complicated then we think. Apparently it has taken BM and I years to learn.

I also learned this from different men I've been involved with.

 

[Bikini Mod]

You are dead on Thandie... I love the comment about the loo! You shouldn't have to extend your hand to ask for a dollar to give the washroom attendant. LOL If you want to do something on your own then yes, be prepared to pay for that but if he wants to say pay for you to have massage/nails done or go shopping WITH YOU - then HE PAYS and you say, "Thank you." ...and accept it.

If I had my damned book available for ya'll to get a copy of then believe you me, all of this would be so much less complicated for both women AND men. The Old Grump collectively have had yeeeeeeeeears and thousands of dates between us, dates that were all over the world. We'd also interviewed thousands of men AND women in all sorts of social settings and had a radio show dealing with this specific topic.

Tatyana, I know all of this sounds foreign to you but when you adopt this new attitude you will see that the type of men that you attract will change greatly.

As for being *just friends* with the one guy... hear me loud and clear when I say this, "THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A HETERO SINGLE MAN THAT REALLY AND TRULY WANTS A HETERO SINGLE FEMALE FRIEND." He may be able to *be OK* with it initially on the surface but eventually when he sees that you do NOT return his romantic interest he will become pissier with you than were you his wife and you'd sexed his best friend... welcome to bizaaro world because HELLO! You were ONLY his friend. But HE will not see it that way.

TRUST ME... Happened to me EVERY SINGLE TIME... since high school LOL

 

[Tatyana]

I think that there is some confusion, a few things have been lost as I haven't provided all the details and you may have gotten the wrong end of the stick.

I also think that there are a few cultural issues going on, as while that might be acceptable in the USA, the relationship between men and women is a bit different in England and Europe.

 

[Bikini Mod]

I think that there is some confusion, a few things have been lost as I haven't provided all the details and you may have gotten the wrong end of the stick.

I also think that there are a few cultural issues going on, as while that might be acceptable in the USA, the relationship between men and women is a bit different in England and Europe.

I am not confused. What would give you that impression?

I lived in Paris for six months and my sister lives in Eastern Europe, my husband dated all over the world. Believe me that I am well aware that the relationship between men and women is different than it is in the US... but truthfully, it really is not.

My husband and I dated internationally and the only difference is that sexually liberated women are not only more accepted in your world but it is also expected. Not to mention that in your part of the world a woman is *allowed to age*. HOWEVER, dear lady, it seems that you are almost *afraid* to ask to be elevated to the platform that you deserve.

I think that you are STUNNING - your mind, your character AND your body/face... Why do you feel that it is improper to be demanding?

I have a tremendous amount of respect for you. You don't have to volunteer ANY part of any *story*. I am telling you that there is NOTHING that you could tell me that would change my advice to you. If you think there is and you don't want to put it out here then, IF you wish, send it to me in a PM. If I am incorrect in my assertion, I will publicly acknowledge this and I will also place an addendum in my book.

Fair enough?

 

[Tatyana]

I think I was raised in a different way, I was going to uni with my father when I was under 5, my mother went back to work when I was very young, both went back to uni while I was in infants/elementary school, my mom made more money than my father and we had a unique non-traditional division of labour in my household.

While what you are saying may be great advice in the current or previous paradigm, I am out to create a new paradigm and a different sort of relationship/space between men and women.

I really don't get the concept of exchanging money for my 'value' or worth, and while it may be one measure of success, money is not the only measure of a good human being.

 

[lartinos]

You have european sensibilties that's all. I've dated woman from europe and they expect to pay half the bill, it's just a normal custom.
I wish we had more of that here, not so I could save money lol. (wouldn't hurt) But that the Euro girls like me for me and not what kind of car I driver or whatever. One girl told me she just doesn't get it that at all.

 

[the_alcatraz]

Wasn't this thread in girl talk?

 

[-Ariel-]

Tat I have no wisdom to offer well cause I just think your inner guide is way more robust/stentorian/pragmatic then my voice. However, I will say this that the internet obfuscated by our lack of cultural/self awareness is becoming more and more embedded with identity. Considering in the United States, unaware of Europe on this, however 26% or 17 million peeps are dating online, I know it's a different issue, however, I believe it is related. I can offer my own experience. I joined in March and this is my first board, I'm totally new. I used to only use the Internet for school predominantly, however, wanting do research on an upcoming 3rd cycle I found this place. One month later I find myself entrenched in C&C. Okay, so I broke up with my SO, like 4 months ago and then have dated 2 girls I met through the internet. The first, I met IRL and we had a connection, however she was an undergrad and only 21, I got tired of hanging out with her undergrad friends. I mean I felt like the old guy on some 90210 televison series. I am dating now a 23 year old, who is basically a female spiritual analogue of myself and it has been going well. She is in EL Paso working on her masters and teaches 6th grade. I spent 4 days 6 weeks ago with her. December its 10 days, the only hang up is obvious, the fact that I have to use SouthWest Airlines to get luvin. I am not for the current paradigm of technological knowledge that is our paradigm, however I will not get into that. What I will get into is that good or bad, online culture is expanding exponentially and while it is not a substitiute for Interpersonal friendship/bonding/intimacy it can be a supplement. The old adage of U take things too seriously, is proving to be contradictory, anything that U use as a medium to connect is going to be personal. In an age where meaning is becoming more important as a large proportion can take survival for granted, expression comes to the forefront, so that said... I'm all for Your Romance and meet up with this very, very forunate soul.
Take Care Gorgeous.
I hope U dug my Profile message.

 

[shrimp poboy]

I met my gf online as well.She reponded to a CL add i had we talked for 2mos met and within 15 minutes after meeting we were having sex and now we are happy as hell together.

 

[-Ariel-]

I met my gf online as well.She reponded to a CL add i had we talked for 2mos met and within 15 minutes after meeting we were having sex and now we are happy as hell together.

Peeps think my world is weird...
I have nothin on U playa...
Its like reality takin bong hits on U.
Your experience, dwarf mine in what U have seen, heard, tasted, felt. Its like the NC-17 version of National Geographic.
LOL