So This is Why I havent been around...

[fireflyer]

been there bro - almost a year ago now and it's not a whole lot easier but it is getting better. I was married for 4 years and we were together for 6. She also cheated with a guy at work so it's so common. They're common - find someone who isn't. There are women out there that can be trusted. Remember, a lot of them have the same distrust in us for the same reason.
I did find that just sleeping around a lot at the beginning made me feel better and bothered her so give that a try for a while if you like. Who knows, you could even meet the real Mrs. Right out there while you're at it.

 

[Guvna]

i really hate to disagree with you becca, but all the ealry 20's girls i dated all KNEW what they wanted too, trust me girl , you will change phsyically and mentally over the course of the next 10 years... it's a simple fact.

I agree. Personally, im glad im not in a relationship with [what seems like] her type.


I am also sorry to hear what happend. I send you some K (like its going to help, i know-but there isnt much else I can do).

Good luck bro. Listen to the guys. Stay away from her. It is over, and dont kid yourself into thinking otherwise.

 

[flyin j]

Listen, bro.
Sounds to me like you were too nice and accommodating to your wife and she took it for granted. Women who are immature don't appreciate a nice guy and the way he treats her, thus they cheat. That goes along with the true saying that women love guys who treat them like shit. Immature women need the drama in order to validate themselves in a relationship.
DIV

I totally agree.



"Life is ours we live it our way"

METALLICA
'Nothing else matters'

 

[qtgirl824]

I don't know you Diamond, but after reading your post--I really feel for you. I myself got married young (19) and its been three years and these thoughts go through your head and temptation is always there. Especially at such a young age. Your wife decidedshe didnt want to be married anymore--its not you --so dont think you did anything wrong. You said you treated her like a queen--so now you need to be treated like a king---so try to move on.. It will be tough--but you are tough and strong so you can handle it.

 

[Goldprospector]

I have to say that the best advice is DO NOT TAKE ANYONE'S ADVICE!

Bro, I will tell you that I have been in the same situation TWICE!

The reasons that both of my wives were unfulfilled was my working so much overtime (at there insistance) because of trying to provide a good lifestyle.
My first wife left after 1 1/2 years basically the same way that yours did...She started clubbing and doing shit that just was NOT the woman I married. Anyway, I took everyones advice, I tried everything that everyone said and it only made the situation worse. We ended up hating each other and things have always sucked between us since then and it has been 18 years.

My second wife, started an internet affair,after 9 years of marriage, with a dude who was 1500 miles away and in another country. It was all because she was basically lonely. when I was home, I was too tired for much of anything....the rest of the time I was at work. It is not an excuse, but it is a reason. She always begged me to work overtime so we would have more money. Anyway, I was blind for a year about the situation, the next year was miserable as hell while we lived together, after I finally found out about everything, I literally called her every name in the book, threatened to kill her and just about anything you could imagine. I tracked the guy down, drove to Canada with the solel intentions of murder on my mind...He seen me coming from a distance and I was not able to keep up and I never got my hands on him. After that, she moved out, stayed out for a year...would not give me a divorce. I just basically got on with my life, I waited on her to call me (which she did quite often). I kept telling myself how I could never have her back since she was now ruined or spoiled (in my eyes).
After a year, she came begging to come home, admitted her mistakes. We did a lot of talking (I did a lot of soul searching) about how I don't think I could ever trust her and all that shit. I told myself that I would take her back just so I would not have to pay child support for 10 years. But I can tell you from experience, WOUNDS HEAL! Things are better between us than they have ever been. I am not going to lie and say that I have not thought or dreamed about her screwing around...It still makes me sick as hell ...but I live with it and we are happy.

All I am saying bro, is go with the heart...Don't listen to everyone else. If you think you might want to try again if she is willing, then try it so you will never have second thoughts and wonder what might have been. But then again, If you don't ever want her around anymore...then move on!

It will be hard either way. I am just like you in the fact that I like being married and not having to come home to an empty house. I proved it by getting married a second time. BTW, we will soon celabrate out 17th anniversary.

 

[DIVISION]

One thing that pisses me off more and more now is the weakness of men. Why do men put themselves through shit??? There are an infinite number of women out there it seems, yet men will want to be with the dirty rat bitch whore who screwed them over. Come on guys, have some dignity and pick up your balls already. We've all been hurt. We've all gone through our share of relationship woos. One thing I will NEVER allow is letting some selfish bitch walk away with my self-respect and dignity.

When a woman walks all over you and you continue to want her, that means shes got you by the balls and has stolen your very manhood. Don't be like that pathetic guy who will still marry the broad that lied about being abducted.

Bro, I've been preachin' this shit for years.......but alot of guys just don't think the way we do. I would never EVER take a girl back who cheated, regardless of how emotionally invested I was in the relationship. It's not just a matter of trust, it's a matter of me not EVER being able to see her the same way again. If I claim a woman as mine and she cheats, she's no longer mine and I don't want her, that's how it works. That's how it's always worked. She's basically a stranger to me, no more, no less.

The most important thing any man posesses is self-dignity and respect which can be summed up by having balls. You never lose that, you never give that away no matter how many bad relationships you have or how many mistakes you make. You never give up your pride, and part of that is not allowing yourself to be whipped by a woman. By allowing a woman who has cheated on you to come back in your life you are sending her a message that you have tolerated her behaviour which always leaves the door open for her to do it again. Once you travel down that road, there's no going back. Once you lay down once, you will lay down again. She might have betrayed you, but you have betrayed yourself...





DIV

 

[krishna]

You'll never find yourself until you're alone. People are afraid to be alone. They don't realize that out of their fear comes solice and peace. Learn to see yourself through your own eyes, and not through your dependence on others. Only then will you find true freedom and independence. Only then can you stand alone in any and every situation. Once you have that peace of mind, a relationship will seem more beneficial and fulfilling. Little do people realize, being alone through this wisdom can be just as exciting. Let life be your partner. Krishna has spoken!

 

[DIVISION]

i really hate to disagree with you becca, but all the ealry 20's girls i dated all KNEW what they wanted too, trust me girl , you will change phsyically and mentally over the course of the next 10 years... it's a simple fact.

Exactly. I'm generally skeptical of women in their 20's until they show me some maturity. Trust me, I've seen that "other side" of these same women. I've been that potential "other guy" who could break up a relationship and though I've never acted on it, you'd be amazed at how many women are looking for that side action. Whether they be married or in a relationship, immature women are pure evil. The part that gets me is how whipped the guys are who are dating/married to them. To be that oblivious is part ignorance and part negligence.

most of the ones i've found, even the one that was marriage material and perfect in every way, 3 years later: whore, cheat
, mistaking kindness for weakness, all women are suspect..and DIVISION was around when i went thru it all, he knows exactly what i'm refering to..

TiTaNugga.......I'm just glad you listened to what I had to say.....You're alot stronger now, and you definitely know your shit and what to watch out for in terms of women. I'm happy that you've become battle tested.

PS: division, guess who's called me every day in the last fucking week? apparantly the grass wasnt greener after all... i'm cool with her , but dont worry man, i'm not taking her back again ~~

I still say you should drop the bitch like a bad habit........If you cut her off completely she'll understand that there's absolutely no chance of you taking her back. All a woman needs is a crack, a faint glimmer of hope and then she can start trying to work her way back in to your life. TiTaNugga, don't be "that guy".




DIV

 

[DIVISION]

You'll never find yourself until you're alone. People are afraid to be alone. They don't realize that out of their fear comes solice and peace. Learn to see yourself through your own eyes, and not through your dependence on others. Only then will you find true freedom and independence. Only then can you stand alone in any and every situation. Once you have that peace of mind, a relationship will seem more beneficial and fulfilling. Little do people realize, being alone through this wisdom can be just as exciting. Let life be your partner. Krishna has spoken!

Bro, I am also an undergrad in Psychology (Junior), yet I don't buy in to the whole lovey dovey bullshit that you are preaching. I'm realistic about people and relationships and I'm being absolutely serious when I say that women truly don't have their heads together 'till their late 20's. Enlightenment comes with experience and acceptance, but in the short term your words don't mean shit to a guy who just found out his wife has been getting dicked down by a guy from work. Apply what you've learned, Krishna......

Psychology isn't reading from a textbook, it's applying principles you learned throughout coursework to your own intuition and putting the pieces to the puzzle.

You seem like a humanist to me, which has it's own merits, but in itself is not realistic for this day and age.




DIV

 

[doublebicep]

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

I have found this to be the case for both male and females. Again, how could you ever trust her 100% ? Never. Trust, once broken, is never there 100% again.