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covergrl80
New member
THIS IS HILARIOUS....GET READY TO LAUGH YOUR WHATEVER OFF!!!
All hair removal methods have tricked us with their promises of easy,
painless removal. The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now.... The Wax!!
My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home; fix
dinner; played with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring
painfully in my mind for the next few hours; "Maybe I should pull the
wax out of the medicine cabinet?"
So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom. It was one of those
cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips
together in your hand and then they get warm and you peel them apart,
press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off!
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm no girly, girl, but
I am mechanically inclined enough that I can figure it out. **YA THINK!!!**
So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each
other, stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, I get out the
hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. Cold wax my rear end (Oh, how
this phrase haunts me!). I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the
skin around it tight and pull.
OK... So it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do
this!!! Hair removal no longer eludes me!! I am She-Ra, fighter of all
wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire!!
With my next wax strip, I move "north". After checking on the kids, I
sneak back into the bathroom for the ultimate hair fighting
championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of
the bikini line, covering the right half of my pubic area and stretching
down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip). I
inhale deeply and brace myself.... RRRRIIIIIIPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!
I'm Blind!!!!! Blinded from pain!!!!!!... OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half of
the strip. S**T!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP... Everything is swirly
and spotted. Do I hear crashing drums????? OK, back to normal. I want
to see my trophy - A wax covered strip with my hairy pelt that has
caused me so much pain, sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory
that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no
hair on it!
Where is the hair?? WHERE IS THE WAX? Slowly I ease my head down, foot
still perched on the toilet. I see the hair... The hair that should be
on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. S**T!!! I run my fingers
over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold
wax and matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake . . . . . . . Remember, my foot is
still propped up on the toilet. I know I need to do something, so I put
my foot down. DAMN!!! I hear the slamming of the cell door.
Vagina? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!!! I penguin walk around the
bathroom, trying to figure out what to do and think to myself, "Please
don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off."
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can
stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the wax
should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right?? **WRONG!!!!**
I get in the tub - The water is slightly hotter than that used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now,
the only thing worse that having your nether businesses glued together
is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub.
In scalding hot water!! Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So,
now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub!!! God bless the man what
convinced me I should have a phone in the bathroom!!! I call my friend,
thinking surely she's waxed before and has come secret of how to get me
undone. It's a very good conversation starter, "So my butt and who-ha
are stuck to the bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She
doesn't have a secret trick, but does try to hide the laughter from me.
She wants to know exactly where the wax is located on bottom,
"Are we talking cheeks or hole or what?"
She's laughing out loud by now... I can hear her. I give her the
rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!! Right!!!!!! I would be the joke of someone else's night. While
we go through various solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off with a
razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in
hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water, and then dry
shaving the sticky wax off!!!
By now, the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I
slip into glazed donut land. My friend is still talking with me as my
hand reaches towards the saving grace... The lotion they give you to
remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point. I
rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids,
scared the dickens out of my friend, but I really don't care!!
"IT WORKS!! IT WORKS!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend
and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and
then notice, to my grief and despair... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE... ALL
OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!
So, I shaved it off. Heck, I'm numb at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color . . .
All hair removal methods have tricked us with their promises of easy,
painless removal. The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now.... The Wax!!
My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home; fix
dinner; played with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring
painfully in my mind for the next few hours; "Maybe I should pull the
wax out of the medicine cabinet?"
So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom. It was one of those
cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips
together in your hand and then they get warm and you peel them apart,
press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off!
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm no girly, girl, but
I am mechanically inclined enough that I can figure it out. **YA THINK!!!**
So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each
other, stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, I get out the
hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. Cold wax my rear end (Oh, how
this phrase haunts me!). I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the
skin around it tight and pull.
OK... So it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do
this!!! Hair removal no longer eludes me!! I am She-Ra, fighter of all
wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire!!
With my next wax strip, I move "north". After checking on the kids, I
sneak back into the bathroom for the ultimate hair fighting
championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of
the bikini line, covering the right half of my pubic area and stretching
down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip). I
inhale deeply and brace myself.... RRRRIIIIIIPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!
I'm Blind!!!!! Blinded from pain!!!!!!... OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half of
the strip. S**T!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP... Everything is swirly
and spotted. Do I hear crashing drums????? OK, back to normal. I want
to see my trophy - A wax covered strip with my hairy pelt that has
caused me so much pain, sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory
that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no
hair on it!
Where is the hair?? WHERE IS THE WAX? Slowly I ease my head down, foot
still perched on the toilet. I see the hair... The hair that should be
on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. S**T!!! I run my fingers
over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold
wax and matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake . . . . . . . Remember, my foot is
still propped up on the toilet. I know I need to do something, so I put
my foot down. DAMN!!! I hear the slamming of the cell door.
Vagina? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!!! I penguin walk around the
bathroom, trying to figure out what to do and think to myself, "Please
don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off."
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can
stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the wax
should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right?? **WRONG!!!!**
I get in the tub - The water is slightly hotter than that used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now,
the only thing worse that having your nether businesses glued together
is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub.
In scalding hot water!! Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So,
now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub!!! God bless the man what
convinced me I should have a phone in the bathroom!!! I call my friend,
thinking surely she's waxed before and has come secret of how to get me
undone. It's a very good conversation starter, "So my butt and who-ha
are stuck to the bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She
doesn't have a secret trick, but does try to hide the laughter from me.
She wants to know exactly where the wax is located on bottom,
"Are we talking cheeks or hole or what?"
She's laughing out loud by now... I can hear her. I give her the
rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!! Right!!!!!! I would be the joke of someone else's night. While
we go through various solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off with a
razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in
hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water, and then dry
shaving the sticky wax off!!!
By now, the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I
slip into glazed donut land. My friend is still talking with me as my
hand reaches towards the saving grace... The lotion they give you to
remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point. I
rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids,
scared the dickens out of my friend, but I really don't care!!
"IT WORKS!! IT WORKS!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend
and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and
then notice, to my grief and despair... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE... ALL
OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!
So, I shaved it off. Heck, I'm numb at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color . . .
