Internet Romance

[Bikini Mod]

I think there's a lot of missunderstanding here. From the information we've gotten and so far all we know is that they talk for a long time on the phone and pm a great deal. We don't know how old he is, what he does, if he has children, etc.

I believe we were talking about the INITIAL meeting. People do what's best suited for them once they're compatible. If we are talking about sharing, then why does Tat has to: get time off from work, pay all her expenses, going to a place she's not familiar with to meet a practical stranger while he has to make no effort or make any expenses. I think that's a recipe for dissaster. If he either comes to her (which is what I initially suggested or they share the expense) then it sounds more reasonable then the way it's being planned. It's human nature that when one of the two parties starts assuming most of the effort, that's how the relationship will be established. And I'm not talking financial, just who's putting more into the relationship then the other. Unless you're very young or have never had a relationship, you don't know what I'm talking about.

I think we're also talking about a different generation, where I believe Tat is not in her 20's nor is the guy she's meeting (I guess) therefore is a bit different. Men from my generation tends to open doors (which I particularly don't care for since I can do that, but somehow they feel insulted, ha) and do other things that most young men (and not all) don't think about.

I'm personally looking out for her best interest and safety, since to me he's just a guy whom she seems to have a connection with, but don't know at all. I don't know Tatyana either, but I certainly know her a lot more then I know him. So I'll continue to believe she should be safe..

Will you marry me?

I can also get my own door, but I choose NOT to. Matter of fact my husband gets offended if I reach for my own door. Here's a funny story, when I get pissed off at him I won't ALLOW HIM to open my door. But that is just us... It works for US.

As for the men talking about a woman DEMANDING he pay. Where did ya'll get the impression that A LADY would demand anything? If you don't do something that she would like then she doesn't demand it, she just won't return your call. It is THAT simple.

One of the lines that drew me most to my husband on his internet profile "I am very demanding, but I don't demand a thing." As soon as I read that I thought to myself, "This guy REALLY *gets it*"

As for anyone who made some sort of commented about how I fabricated any part of me or my life - which parts did I FABRICATE exactly?

Oh yea, I mean, with the exception of having a husband with a pulse. The IP's addys proved me out for a fibber long ass time ago... where you been since then?

 

[puddlemonkey]

As for the men talking about a woman DEMANDING he pay. Where did ya'll get the impression that A LADY would demand anything?

From you, post #34. You even put it in bold lol. You asked Tat, "Why do you feel that it is improper to be demanding?".

 

[Bikini Mod]

From you, post #34. You even put it in bold lol. You asked Tat, "Why do you feel that it is improper to be demanding?".

I can see where the two statements might seem confusing.

You can be demanding without ever demanding a thing.

Read what I wrote about my Old Grump's online dating profile.

 

[Tatyana]

Wasn't this thread in girl talk?

Yes, it was.

I moved it.

There were a few issues that came up that I was not entirely comfortable with, for example, that girltalk is not really exclusive for women and really is there a need for a forum that is exclusively female.

 

[samoth]

really is there a need for a forum that is exclusively female.

I agree completely. Then again, when male mods post there, others will follow their example. (Whether Shadow back in the day, or others now...)

 

[desmond]

It may be generational thing.

I certainly would not even think to open a girl's door. Not only would I assume the girl could do it, this degree of chivalry would be viewed cynically by most girls I know.

But I may be wrong. Most female friends of mine are through law school and may be atypical in this respect. And I have never had as friend "girly girls" who I'd expect even in this generation to be receptive to extreme chivalry.

But I still adhere firmly to the view that guys can be friends with girls without wanting more.

Thandie: I can understand your reasoning for the initial date given Tat is taking the time off work.

Will you marry me?

I can also get my own door, but I choose NOT to. Matter of fact my husband gets offended if I reach for my own door. Here's a funny story, when I get pissed off at him I won't ALLOW HIM to open my door. But that is just us... It works for US.

As for the men talking about a woman DEMANDING he pay. Where did ya'll get the impression that A LADY would demand anything? If you don't do something that she would like then she doesn't demand it, she just won't return your call. It is THAT simple.

One of the lines that drew me most to my husband on his internet profile "I am very demanding, but I don't demand a thing." As soon as I read that I thought to myself, "This guy REALLY *gets it*"

As for anyone who made some sort of commented about how I fabricated any part of me or my life - which parts did I FABRICATE exactly?

Oh yea, I mean, with the exception of having a husband with a pulse. The IP's addys proved me out for a fibber long ass time ago... where you been since then?

 

[Arabian]

Good luck

 

[Bikini Mod]

It may be generational thing.

I certainly would not even think to open a girl's door. Not only would I assume the girl could do it, this degree of chivalry would be viewed cynically by most girls I know.

But I may be wrong. Most female friends of mine are through law school and may be atypical in this respect. And I have never had as friend "girly girls" who I'd expect even in this generation to be receptive to extreme chivalry.

But I still adhere firmly to the view that guys can be friends with girls without wanting more.

Thandie: I can understand your reasoning for the initial date given Tat is taking the time off work.

You are partially correct. Here in the south that is still expected by most. Though I was born and raised in NJ for most of life I was raised very Eastern European and old-school. When I was a young girl I didn't *demand* these things *without demanding them* either. I rejected alot of how my parents raised me because "they were out of touch with reality and that was back in the day and my mother was old WTF did she know?"

Then as I grew up I realized that I prefered this sort of treatment by a man whose company I chose to keep. And the first old school gentleman I dated blew if for all other men. Believe it or not, he was POOR but was a southern gentleman. Ultimately I screwed some aspects of that up because I pursued, I gave too much and I LET HIM treat me like crap (aside from the old school southern manners, that is). I should have cut my feelings off THE FIRST TIME he treated me like crap and not carried a torch for nearly another year. But hey... live and learn, right?

I also have female friends who, like me, rejected the way we were raised and finally after being treated like crap by men because "we could do it ourselves and we didn't NEED a man to do it for us" they all saw that there had to be a better way. So they tried to employ the same point of view that I had come to realize to their own dating lives... and they became MUCH HAPPIER. As I said, both are now engaged to men who absolutely worship them.

May I ask you something? Could you see yourself absolutely worshipping the ground that your lady walks on? If she doesn't deserve this, then move on to finding one that does.

 

[-Ariel-]

Yes, it was.

I moved it.

There were a few issues that came up that I was not entirely comfortable with, for example, that girltalk is not really exclusive for women and really is there a need for a forum that is exclusively female.

Good Move
Better Sig.
Hi Tat.

 

[desmond]

Bikinimom:

I am glad your are currently very happy. Having said that I'm aware of women who are happy in less traditional relationships. Whatever works for the couple is great I guess

I do understand that if one is completely infatuated with another, this may lend itself to excessively chivalry. But I don't understand why it doesn't work both ways. I mean there is no reason why both the guy and girl can't do nice things for each other - taking/shouting out impromptu to some nice venue. Further, I can't see why these "nice things" are restricted to tradition - e.g., husband taking wife out to dinner; wife preparing husband a meal. The relationship can be equal and reciprocal in this regard I think.

The inequality of "traditional" relationships has practical virtues; it narrows areas of dispute if both parties accede "the traditional contract", as any activity will presumably be guided by one party without debate. But it would seem stifling and oppressive (to both parties) to me, preordaining our behavior to some degree.

Having said that, I have never been exceedingly infatuated with anyone; you have. So so far, its advantage you lol

You are partially correct. Here in the south that is still expected by most. Though I was born and raised in NJ for most of life I was raised very Eastern European and old-school. When I was a young girl I didn't *demand* these things *without demanding them* either. I rejected alot of how my parents raised me because "they were out of touch with reality and that was back in the day and my mother was old WTF did she know?"

Then as I grew up I realized that I prefered this sort of treatment by a man whose company I chose to keep. And the first old school gentleman I dated blew if for all other men. Believe it or not, he was POOR but was a southern gentleman. Ultimately I screwed some aspects of that up because I pursued, I gave too much and I LET HIM treat me like crap (aside from the old school southern manners, that is). I should have cut my feelings off THE FIRST TIME he treated me like crap and not carried a torch for nearly another year. But hey... live and learn, right?

I also have female friends who, like me, rejected the way we were raised and finally after being treated like crap by men because "we could do it ourselves and we didn't NEED a man to do it for us" they all saw that there had to be a better way. So they tried to employ the same point of view that I had come to realize to their own dating lives... and they became MUCH HAPPIER. As I said, both are now engaged to men who absolutely worship them.

May I ask you something? Could you see yourself absolutely worshipping the ground that your lady walks on? If she doesn't deserve this, then move on to finding one that does.