Mermaid's Log

[mermaid]

Wednesday 9 November

Happy Birthday to me. I'm 36 today.

My boss (amazingly) wished me well and then said "so what star sign?". When I said Scorpio he said "OMG, I should have known" in very serious tones. Us Scorps get such a bad rap.

Anyway, I make resolutions on my birthday not Jan 1, after all, it's MY new year. This year is just the same as last year and the year before and the year before that. How sad does that sound? In fact I've had the same resolutions since 2001 when I was 135 pounds and had money in the bank (amazing how a divorce affects you):

1. Get fit and fabulous at 37!! (around 135 pounds and 18% bodyfat)
2. Invest 10% of take home pay
3. Learn to swim (I know, that's a pretty sad thing to admit - but I am petrified of water)

So, I start again, the same resolutions, another year older. Something tells me that I am going to have a better chance of it this year.

5.45am
Went to the beach and walked in soft sand for half an hour.

P called me so was late to work. Forgot to take supps.

8.30am
2/3 cup cottage cheese
5 prunes
10 almonds

11.00am
3oz canned salmon
1/4 cup cottage cheese
1/2 avocado

1.00pm
Another small piece of FF cake (leftover from yesterday). I put the rest in the trash. Almost sprayed it with 401 so that I would not be tempted to take it back out - a la Sex and the City. Yes, I have done that many times before.

4.00pm
Lo Carb Protein Shake

I've just taken a late lunch and had my hair cut. I've had it very long, for so long, to cover up my back fat. Yes, I've been hiding behind my hair for ages now. So, I had six inches taken off, it sits on my shoulders now, bob-like. I think I look so much bigger now, though that is an optical illusion, but it is adding more incentive to keep going.

Tonight I've been asked round to a colleague's place as I am on my own for dinner. I'm going to have Italian chicken, some cake and maybe a champagne or two. And I don't feel bad about that because it is my birthday.

 

[scorpiogirl]

Happy Birthday my fellow Scorp!!!!!!!! Hope you have a fantastic day!

 

[aandd]

Happy Birthday!

Another small piece of FF cake (leftover from yesterday). I put the rest in the trash. Almost sprayed it with 401 so that I would not be tempted to take it back out - a la Sex and the City.

Things with frosting are no longer allowed in my house. Waaaayyyy too much of a temptation. I am considering not even going to Wednesday night church suppers anymore because they always have delicious pies and cakes for dessert. I'm pretty sure THAT much vanity will damn me to hell - but at least I'll look good.

 

[mermaid]

11.00am
3oz canned salmon
1/4 cup cottage cheese
1/2 avocado

1.00pm
Another small piece of FF cake (leftover from yesterday). I put the rest in the trash. Almost sprayed it with 401 so that I would not be tempted to take it back out - a la Sex and the City. Yes, I have done that many times before.

4.00pm
Lo Carb Protein Shake

I've just taken a late lunch and had my hair cut. I've had it very long, for so long, to cover up my back fat. Yes, I've been hiding behind my hair for ages now. So, I had six inches taken off, it sits on my shoulders now, bob-like. I think I look so much bigger now, though that is an optical illusion, but it is adding more incentive to keep going.

Tonight I've been asked round to a colleague's place as I am on my own for dinner. I'm going to have Italian chicken, some cake and maybe a champagne or two. And I don't feel bad about that because it is my birthday.

Actually didn't have the shake at 4pm. Left it on my desk and forgot to drink it.

7.00pm
About 1 cup homemade chicken cacciatore
1/2 cup white rice
Piece of homemade black forest chocolate cake
3 glasses champagne

Estimated macros:

~1900cals P:21 C:29 F:38 A:11 Fiber:10g Water:2 ltrs - not enough again

 

[mermaid]

Thursday November 10

I used to drink alcohol nearly every night and feel no effect the next day. Obviously, I've cut back considerably though I still indulge too much. I think I'll be indulging less as just three glasses of champagne (and a few waters inbetween) make me feel like shit.

6.45am
Vinegar drink, multi, flax, zinc
6 whites, 1 yolk
1 piece Performax bread
1 liter water

I placed an order with the AF store. Sesamax, Levorex and more Glucorell. You can't get Trex and YES into Australia.

 

[mermaid]

Thursday November 10

I used to drink alcohol nearly every night and feel no effect the next day. Obviously, I've cut back considerably though I still indulge too much. I think I'll be indulging less as just three glasses of champagne (and a few waters inbetween) make me feel like shit.

6.45am
Vinegar drink, multi, flax, zinc
6 whites, 1 yolk
1 piece Performax bread
1 liter water

I placed an order with the AF store. Sesamax, Levorex and more Glucorell. You can't get Trex and YES into Australia.

10.00am
2/3 cup cottage cheese
1 cup strawberries
1 tbsp almond butter

1.00pm
1 cup canned tuna
1/2 avocado
1/4 cup cottage cheese

4.00pm
Lo carb protein shake

6.00pm
6" Subway roast beef w/ tomato, cheese

1509 cals P:45 C:25 F:30 Fiber:21g Water: lots

Went late night shopping with colleague's wife with whom I have become quite friendly She has been quite honest with me about my appalling dress sense - I don't make much effort, my clothes are baggy, ill fitting as I always want to hide my body. Because of my weight gain over the past few years, I just don't buy clothes anymore so it was a real experience trying on things that I would never have even looked at. It was exhausting.

I bought some pants, a dress (!) and underwear and secretly hope that I will be out of them all in a couple of months. Then I can just go and buy some more.

 

[scorpiogirl]

Went late night shopping with colleague's wife with whom I have become quite friendly She has been quite honest with me about my appalling dress sense

LOL - so how do you feel about you NEW look?!?! ....and I'm sure you WILL be out of them soon!

 

[mermaid]

LOL - so how do you feel about you NEW look?!?! ....and I'm sure you WILL be out of them soon!

Mmmm. I don't know. Not used to wearing form fitting clothes that show my shape. I don't like to attract attention to my chest as it's on the larger side, the bra I bought was DD and the top has a v neck. When I look down, all I can see is cleavage!

She told me that I am a man trapped in a woman's body, LOL.

And in terms of being out of them soon, progress is slow. My eating is still dependent upon my situation and emotions

Friday 11 November

Diet went to hell. I ate:

Protein shake
1 1/2 ham, cheese, tomato sandwich on wholemeal
2 cups french fries
~ 1 cup chicken tikka masala
~ 2/3 cup pilau rice
2 slices spinach and cottage cheese naan bread

Not much food really, but all crap.

P doesn't come back until Wednesday. I spent the night with my girlfriend, hence the Indian takeout. It was good to catch up with her though.

Saturday 12 November

We got up, had breakfast out and went shopping.

1 griddled egg
1/2 tomato, 2 mushrooms
1 slice bacon
1 slice ciabatta toast then:
1 pancake
1/2 banana
drizzle maple syrup
1 cappucino
1 green tea

Plus multi, flax, zinc

Could I possibly eat more food in one sitting? I was stuffed.

I am not going through a very happy time right now for various reasons and have fallen back into the trap of eating for comfort. It's all in my head. I'm even learning about my body and what works/doesn't work which is good, but the mental aspect lets me down.

I wonder if I deserve logging on this board as I do not compare with the other girls who manage to stick to their goals but if I stop now, I'll put back on the 7 pounds I've lost and more. So, pathetic as I may seem at times, I'll keep going. I guess this is what a journal is all about.

 

[buffalogal]

Hope you're feeling better sweetie!!

Of course you deserve logging on this board! Believe me when I say, just because we may be sticking to our goals, diet and exercise-wise, there are a lot of us who fail in our goals in other aspects of our lives. I've been struggling with very personal issues the last several months and about the only goal I've been able to stick to is my health - after that all bets are off! Just do what you can to keep going, and vent as much as you need to or want to.

And I can totally relate to your comment about being a man trapped in a woman's body. I've heard that sooo many times, but now that I'm reaching my goal I'm getting a little more comfortable with the low cut shirts (to me at least, although I still don't have the nerve to show cleavage). Anything below the collarbone is a little too low for me yet.

 

[mermaid]

Sunday 13 November

8.00am
Woke up and felt like staying in bed all day but I forced myself out. Couldn't face the gym so went for a beach side walk. Once I got going, I picked up the pace and went as far as the headland and back again. It took just over an hour and felt much better when I got back.

9.45am
6 whites, 1 yolk scrambled w/
spinach, tomato, 2 cube feta cheese crumbled
1 slice Performax bread
multi, flax, zinc

1.00pm
2/3 cup cottage cheese
1/2 cup blueberries
1 tbsp almond butter

Spending the afternoon working Got some reports to complete but I just can not get the enthusiasm to do it. Geez, I need a kick up the @#$!