I am seeking for motivating words,,, and sugestions.

[redman2020]

My girlfriend is overweight, and its more than just a few pounds. How can i motivate her to loose weight without being rude, and impolite.

It seems like even when i try to be nice about it I am still rude because there is no good way to talk about a female's weight.

Its like if i want her to loose weight then i am shallow because weight shouldnt matter..............
So if i take another route and just break up with here than i will loose the girlfriend that i love.

HELP ME PLEASE......

Two things.....

One:------ please give me sugestions in talking to my girlfriend

Two:------ Give me sugestions about dealing with my own selfishness and impatientness.

 

[Gurrr]

Why dont you buy her and yourself a gym membership, that way she'll see at as kinda romantic!!

 

[HiDnGoD]

My girlfriend is overweight, and its more than just a few pounds. How can i motivate her to loose weight without being rude, and impolite.

It seems like even when i try to be nice about it I am still rude because there is no good way to talk about a female's weight.

Its like if i want her to loose weight then i am shallow because weight shouldnt matter..............
So if i take another route and just break up with here than i will loose the girlfriend that i love.

HELP ME PLEASE......

Two things.....

One:------ please give me sugestions in talking to my girlfriend

Two:------ Give me sugestions about dealing with my own selfishness and impatientness.

Don't know if I can help either way. But for ammunition in your quest, a few points about myself.
I was deemed obese for most of my adult life. Despite being moderately fit (cardio vascular-wise) I still developed some health issues that one would not want due to obesity:
1. First & foremost- Type II Diabetes Mellitus. This disease can kill in so many ways. Depletes your energy, contributes to depression, sleep apnea, low testosterone (even in women). A precurser to coronary artery disease, makes it difficult to control lipid profiles, cholesterol. etc. Pregnancy can trigger a possibly temporary diabetic condition, coupled with obesity, can become permanent. Once you are on Diabetes meds, weight loss difficulty increases by a factor of about 10.

2. Self esteem issues. No matter how well balanced a woman is, mentally, obesity can undermine confidence & social skills. And despite the prevalence of obesity today many people are still descriminated against , because of their shape.

3. As mentioned above, Obstructive Sleep Apnea. The physical condition whereby the act of sleeping causes the throat to relax to such an extent, that it blocks breathing. This leads to a lack of REM sleep & a loss in melatonin(?) required for refreshing sleep. The interruptions aren't fatal, but they also contribute to atherosclerosis & a host of other problems. Google sleep lack & see what shows up.

4. Lowered testosterone levels. For a man, this can cause depression, lowered sex drive, sleep disorders, elevated risk for some cancers & a predisposition to fat deposits. Difficulting building or maintaining muscle mass. For a woman, all of the above, to a lesser degree, except it is killer on the sex drive.

5. An inability to enjoy life as much, due to activity infringements. You feel sluggish, unsexy & a target of ridicule(even when you're not).

I mention all this, not for you to bombard her, but for incentive for you not to give up, if you love her that much. Hind sight is 20/20 bro. I wish I could take it all back. If you can convince her you're concerned for her health, not focussed on her weight, aesthetically, that may help.

I truly wish you all the luck in the world.

 

[al420]

It's summer time - does she not complain about the "skinny girls" or that she can't spot a bikini?

Also - if you love her you need to be honest w/ her.

 

[redman2020]

Why dont you buy her and yourself a gym membership, that way she'll see at as kinda romantic!!

Got one for both of us at christmas....

 

[cityhick]

Have her go with you then. Its a cheap date and you she will be happy to spend time with you. Its unhealthy to be heavy period. But when it comes to telling her.... good luck. She will know what you are trying to say no matter how nice you put it. And it depends on the girl on how to get her motivated. Some it takes the asshole approach.- "you look fat in that" and she will get to self concisious and make a change. And some are the motivational type. "youve been lookin REAL good sense you started going to the gym." You should know how to get your girl to do what you want her to.....

 

[Sassy69]

Got one for both of us at christmas....

Now its time to use it. You can get her involved by laying out your own plan for whatever goals you have - include both diet & training. Then ask if she'd like to do it with you. Might be one way to start.

Does she even have interest in going to the gym? That's somethign that is really hard to force on people if they arent' interested. Or often, related to the whole self-esteem issue - aren't comfortable in a gym.

How experienced is she in the gym? For anyone who is interested but has no basic understandign of how to train & is completely confused by all the myths and misconceptions about nutrition I like to recommend Bill Phillips' BODY FOR LIFE book. Especially women get so overwhelmed by how to diet - they think they have to starve themselves to lose weight and feel shitty about themselves if they aren't 98 lb and 2% bodyfat or they do cardio all day and then cry because they don't see any changes, but won't lift weights because they dont' want to "look like a man", but still say they want to "lose weight & tone up". All of that shit just works to basically leave them completely helpless in trying to set realistic goals and expectations about what they can accomplish & how to go about it. Anyway - this book really lays out the fundamentals of nutrition which goes a long way to getting rid of the thigns that make women (or just people) constantly sabotage their efforts by not "getting" how it all works. There are no magic pills or instant 40 lb weight loss programs that succeed and are maintainable. Its just the very unsexy and simple consistency and moderation in everything. Nothign wild, requires a little bit of work to make the changes fit into your lifestyle, but once established much easier to achieve goals and feel better.

Also to the above list of reasons to get in shape -- you just plain old feel better. Even if you aren't all ripped up shredded right away. Better sleep. Better outlook on life and all that go a long way to making life in general better.

Its hard as hell to get someone to do somethign they themselves aren't committed to doing. Is she interested in makinig the changes? If she is, but is hesitant or scared of it or somethign, honestly, I'd even say have her set up an account on EF and jump on the women's board. There's a crapload of support for anyone who pops in & wants to get involved! Even just have her look at our stickies that we have at the top of the women's board. LOTS of info in there that she can read & not have to post up at all if she isn't comfortable doing it.

It seems that you could open up the discussion with asking if she wants to get involved w/ you on a specific diet & training program. Then from there, ask what her goals would be. If its like "Be a size 2 by Memorial Day", that's sort of useless, but you can work with her to set some realistic goals and just get started - start slow & work up. Set up a diet that is doable --- again I'll refer to the Bill Phillips book - very flexible diet guidelines. Also I like to suggest the South Beach Diet book for the recipes. Also there's a fantastic Recipe Thread on the women's board so the diet doesn't have to be DIE w/ a T -- you dont' have to gnaw on boiled chicken and raw potatos to lose bodyfat.

What you DON"T want to do is make her feel bad about herself or pressure her into anything because YOU want her to do it. Its gotta come from her. But you can also tell her that if it is somethign she wants to do, it can be one of the most liberating and empowering things she can do for herself. ANY of the girls on the women's board will attest to that. You don't have to be a bodybuilding competitor or a model or any of that. Just be happy w/ yourself and make your body & your life better because there's no point going thru it in any manner that is less than that. Its not like you get to go back & try again. And you dont' have to live w/ whatever state of body you have now for the rest of your life.

 

[redman2020]

When creating a post like i did with a karma award .... how do i give away the karma.

 

[lacoste]

Try suggesting things initially that she may find as fun. She may not like the gym. But she may like to take walks, go for a jog, riding a bike in a scenic area, go rollerblading, hiking. Anything to get her moving. And these are all things that you guys can do TOGETHER. That is where you will win the points as a good boyfriend. Your spending time together doing something. Initially most people if they are sensitive about their weight will not want to set foot in the gym where all of the "fit" people hang out. But if you guys can start doing those things a few times a week, she will start to notice the difference in herself. She will loose some weight, her energy levels will go up, and so will her self confidence. As time passes she will like what she sees, and then maybe want to go to the gym, and eat right. But it will take baby steps first. Hope it helps at all.

 

[redman2020]

Good shit guys good shit..... i dont feel as overwhellemed about it anymore thanks for the suggestions.