Update on my adventures...

[Raina]

I went to my dr because the weight loss and no sleeping was getting out of hand. They made me leave work yesterday because I looked like such a wreck.

My dr went over my options with me on Wednesday, yesterday I went back. I'm going to try wellbutrin-- about the millionth anti-depressant I've tried in the past 3-4 years. And for a few weeks I'm going to take xanax to take the edge off and help me sleep. The xanax made me feel really yummy and numb yesterday. I was FINALLY able to eat a couple of decent sized meals and I slept for 12 hours. It was heaven. I've tried everything I could think of to just chill for weeks. I know this isn't a long-term solution but at least I'm eating and sleeping. I'm really glad I got some help.

On an unhappy note, the ex showed up last night while I was asleep (though I told him I was on medication that was going to knock me out and that he wasn't welcome). I woke up with him in my bed. The pills made me mellow enough to not get out of control angry but I made him leave. I'm pissed off that he came over when I told him not too-- AND he didn't take the rest of his stuff-- AND he still has my keys. So I guess I'm going to have to have my locks changed because he doesn't seem to understand that we're over. It's kind of scary but if he does that again, I think I'll just call the cops. He is calling me constantly and crying too. I feel like a total bitch but I know that I'm doing the right thing.

My dr said I might want to take another week off of working out. I went a couple of days ago. I'm lacking focus and I'm not physically very healthy. Maybe a couple of days of eating and sleeping will change my mind though. I miss it terribly.

 

[Night Fly]

Raina...

Just hang in there girl. It is great that you are trying something else, and hopefully the Wellbutrin will do wonders for you.

About your ex...you made the right decision. You do not need someone in your life who is going to 'suck the joy' right out of it.

You need to be YOU...and get your life together. It seems you are really on the right track...and know that all us women are here to support and help you when you need it!!!

Keep your head up! Sounds like things are getting better for you!

Dawn

 

[k1401]

Sounds as if you're on the right track!
Keep your chin up, things will get better!
If you need to talk, PM me.

K

 

[Gladiola]

Hey Raina,

If he does come back, I'd actually suggest not calling the cops unless you think he's going to hurt you.

I had a REALLY ugly situation with my ex... he'd get drunk & call me or bang on my door at 3AM crying & wanting me back. Even mentioning suicide.

When he climbed my fire escape & broke my window, I HAD to get a restraining order (my family would have killed me if I didn't!).

Ya know what, he contested the order & FUCKING WON THE TRIAL. My lawyer stood me up & he had one. I wasn't prepared to defend myself - & well, basically, it was proven that I wasn't in fear of bodily harm. I WASN'T in fear of bodily harm... he was harassing me, not threatening to hurt me. But that's not enough.

I was denied the restraining order & had to move, get an unlisted #.

G*DAMMIT, why did I type out that whole F#@$ing story. Now I'm mad. Oh well, there really was no way to advise you not to go to the cops without telling you WHY. Just do NOT befriend him in ANY way but conversly don't agitate him more than necessary (if he's like my ex, and it sounds like it).

Oh, and my mister wonderful is about to graduate with a Masters in Psychology & then persue his PhD to be a Psychologist.

 

[starfish]

Raina,

Wellbutrin can be kind of a pain in the butt until you get use to it.
Then it helps a lot. It really affected my appetite though, or lack of.
Good Luck!

 

[Raina]

Thanks for sharing the story Glad. I don't think he's going to hurt me but he scares me. I think I'll feel better when 1) I have his keys back or 2) my locks are changed. This is just getting stupid. And I'm doing everything in my power to take care of myself emotionally and physically...and he just needs to stop. It upsets me deeply to know that he's hurting, but I wish he could respect that this is what's best. I know I'v elost weight but I'm REALLY proud of myself that I'm going through this and dealing with it head-on instead of using my past of eating disorders. That just shows a lot of growth and it makes me smile.

I'm planning on going out of town next weekend. Hopefully that will be a nice break. I'm trying not to piss him off or hurt him any more. I told him that he should really go see his dr or someone if he's feeling as screwy as he's acting. He said he didn't need a dr-- he needed me. I calmly explained that wasn't an option and asked him to leave. It was scary to wake up with him in my bed though. God only knows how long he was there. Maybe I'll wedge a chair under the door or something until I get the locks done.

I'm going to go run some errands. Thanks to everyone for listening. Between the boards, my family, my friends, and one extra special person, I'm feeling like I have the support behind me to just keep moving forward. I deserve more than all this. I'm proud as hell to be able to say that. Thanks.

 

[KBgrl]

WTF!?!? Im not around for a few weeks or so and I miss all this drama.... drop me a line and keep me the 411 baby.. miss you!

 

[new@gettinbig]

If u want it over get your locks changed ASAP...you will probably never see your keys again! I would NOT take any chances..when emotions are involved people will act in ways you never imagined. Take care of you and get everything in order!!!!

 

[Bikini Mod]

Ok Raina I am going to give it to you straight because I think that you are strong enough to handle it. I see by your words that you have come a long way... "I deserve better more than all this and I am proud as hell to be able to say this." Well so am I gurl, so am I! BUT - your actions speak louder than your words.

If I EVER woke up with my ex in my bed after I had thrown him out I would FREAK! I am not trying to tell you how to feel, but do you realize how vulnerable you are to his whims? I am not you. I was not in your place AND I FEEL VIOLATED!

HE CLIMBED INTO BED NEXT TO YOU AS YOU SLEPT UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF MEDICATION.... THAT HE KNEW YOU HAD TAKEN!.... and yet you hesitate and question whether or not you should get your locks changed at the very least and contact the authorities?!

My ex threatened to kill me in front of our children while we were still living in the same home. This was several months after he assaulted me (only once), he left THAT NIGHT, but I allowed him to come back into our home because I was away for 2 1/2 weeks having a mental lapse of my own - was EXACTLY one year ago! I never called the police the night of the assault, took no pictures, had NO EVIDENCE - PERIOD. When I allowed him back into the house it was with the understanding that he would leave again when I came home.... HER REFUSED.

I had ZERO evidence of either the assault OR the verbal threat. His lawyer pulled out all kinds of damning evidence including private emails that I had authored to my friends. Even though I had a lock on my room (DUH! He put it there - of course, he kept a key... yes, I was REALLY DUMB!) he went onto my computer and forwarded my emails to his and printed them out. Could you imagine how humiliating it was to have MY OWN PRIVATE WORDS read against me? You could imagine that there was more than one reference made to "uptight asshole judgemental judges"...

GUESS WHAT?! Not only did I get a final protection order (which is difficult to get as there WAS NO EVIDENCE to support my allegations - only my word alone) but he lost custody of the children! I openly sobbed in court as I NEVER wanted ANY OF THIS - only wanted a freaking divorce... which I STILL don't have.

Where am I going with all of this?

Yes, I did finally drop the order a few months ago as we have both realized that our behaviour last year was COMPLETELY out of character for us... we were and still are going through something VERY PAINFULL. Many irrational acts are committed when someone is feeling deep pain. Though me ex is still hurting quite badly I FIRMLY believe that he would not hurt me physically. But at the time, I HONESTLY thought he may....

Get YOU LOCKS CHANGED. Put his stuff in storage or tell him either pick it up (out in the hall or at a family member's house, whatever) by THIS DATE or it will be discarded - PERIOD!

Stop pussy-footing and protecting HIS feelings. WHAT ABOUT YOURS?! THE RELATIONSHIP IS OVER - HE NEEDS TO MOVE ON. YOU NEED TO STOP WORRYING ABOUT PISSING HIM OFF... HE OBVIOUSLY DOESN'T CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE FEELING!

Be well girl.... continue to think more highly of yourself with each passing day!.... the rest will fall into place.

Gladiola - I am sorry you got screwed like that. Sometimes there is no justice. But that should not deter you from EVER going to the authorities again. GO WITH YOUR GUT LADIES... IT IS NEVER WRONG!

 

[starfish]

I agree with bikinimom...

I've been there, done that, don't want the t-shirt..

I eventually had to move.. It was ridiculous..

At the very least, change your locks.. If there is more DOCUMENT EVERYTHING.

Good luck