Internet Romance

[Tatyana]

LOL BM, you do make me smile.

I prefer to pay my own way, it is a thing my mother really emphasised.

I am really grateful now, as I do have a career that allows me to be financially independent, and when I do look around, there are so many women in minimal paying jobs that they would never be able to support themselves, let alone their children on.

This is especially true for the first few dates, I am always torn about splitting the cost, men often do like to pay for the date.

Obviously as you start dating more or are in a relationship, then you do split expenses and treat each other.

Update on romance: I think we spent about 8 hours on the phone in total, probably about 5 hours on MSN.

I have tentatively booked a hotel in the city where he lives for our NYE date.

 

[Bikini Mod]

LOL BM, you do make me smile.

I prefer to pay my own way, it is a thing my mother really emphasised.

I am really grateful now, as I do have a career that allows me to be financially independent, and when I do look around, there are so many women in minimal paying jobs that they would never be able to support themselves, let alone their children on.

This is especially true for the first few dates, I am always torn about splitting the cost, men often do like to pay for the date.

Obviously as you start dating more or are in a relationship, then you do split expenses and treat each other.

Update on romance: I think we spent about 8 hours on the phone in total, probably about 5 hours on MSN.

I have tentatively booked a hotel in the city where he lives for our NYE date.

Tatyana I am all about being "strong and independent". I have been "doin it for myself" for a long damned time... that is, until I learned how to accept the advances of true gentlemen.

I truly do not understand how a woman insisting on paying her way demonstrates anything more than how she doesn't trust a man to be A MAN.

I am sure that the men you are planning on meeting are lovely fellows but believe me when I tell you that no matter how financially pressed a man is, if he REALLY "feels the man" he wouldn't accept your money, especially not right out of the starting gate.

I address how "strong and independent" women actually turn off many men of high value OFF with this attitude (I used to feel that way too, believe me) in the chapter of my book titled "The Independent Woman Trap." <--- in other words we do it to ourselves.

Even if you had more money than Sir Paul McCartney, and he didn't have more than a churchmouse, a high-value male would still not accept you paying for things, especially not early in the relationship.

Men value beauty and women value security, all else stems from this.

A man would be made to feel less the man if he would accept the lady who he is courting to pay for anything. If the relationship becomes longterm then there is no more "his money" or "her money" but only OUR money.

And yes I do understand the importance of women being and remaining financially independent of men. Your mother taught you VERY WELL, Tatyana. However, we as women have sorta screwed ourselves by insisting on flexing our financial muscles too early in the courting process. This doesn't attract high value men. It actually turns them off and the only ones you are left with are the duds (like razorguns) who openly brag (when no woman who they want to boink are within earshot, of course), "I'll be damned if I let any broad 'sucker me into buying them a drink'. I wait till she puts her own money on the bar or some other sucker pay and I move in once I see I have the chance to mak her on FOR FREE."

You think I'm exaggerating? Just read some of the crap that guys post on chat/between the sheets/players board.

The second you extend yourself to a man, he will LET YOU KEEP DOING IT. You do it upfront, then you have set the standard and there is no going back. And then you end up asking yourself (my husband and I have interviewed countless desireable women of all ages), "Why are men such jerks?"

 

[Thandie]

Tatyana I am all about being "strong and independent". I have been "doin it for myself" for a long damned time... that is, until I learned how to accept the advances of true gentlemen.

I truly do not understand how a woman insisting on paying her way demonstrates anything more than how she doesn't trust a man to be A MAN.

I am sure that the men you are planning on meeting are lovely fellows but believe me when I tell you that no matter how financially pressed a man is, if he REALLY "feels the man" he wouldn't accept your money, especially not right out of the starting gate.

I address how "strong and independent" women actually turn off many men of high value OFF with this attitude (I used to feel that way too, believe me) in the chapter of my book titled "The Independent Woman Trap." <--- in other words we do it to ourselves.

Even if you had more money than Sir Paul McCartney, and he didn't have more than a churchmouse, a high-value male would still not accept you paying for things, especially not early in the relationship.

Men value beauty and women value security, all else stems from this.

A man would be made to feel less the man if he would accept the lady who he is courting to pay for anything. If the relationship becomes longterm then there is no more "his money" or "her money" but only OUR money.

And yes I do understand the importance of women being and remaining financially independent of men. Your mother taught you VERY WELL, Tatyana. However, we as women have sorta screwed ourselves by insisting on flexing our financial muscles too early in the courting process. This doesn't attract high value men. It actually turns them off and the only ones you are left with are the duds (like razorguns) who openly brag (when no woman who they want to boink are within earshot, of course), "I'll be damned if I let any broad 'sucker me into buying them a drink'. I wait till she puts her own money on the bar or some other sucker pay and I move in once I see I have the chance to mak her on FOR FREE."

You think I'm exaggerating? Just read some of the crap that guys post on chat/between the sheets/players board.

The second you extend yourself to a man, he will LET YOU KEEP DOING IT. You do it upfront, then you have set the standard and there is no going back. And then you end up asking yourself (my husband and I have interviewed countless desireable women of all ages), "Why are men such jerks?"

Wow, you're so right. I couldn't say it better myself.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Believe me Thandie... took me coupla years and waaaaaaaaaaay more dates than I care to remember to figure this stuff out. It was damn near exhausting LOL

Believe it or not MOST of what I have come to learn about men I learned from my husband. He sold out every single dirty "man secret".... you know, the ones that men swear on their balls NEVER to let a woman know? Deny, deny, deny that shit to us but as soon as they don't think a woman is listening they CACKLE and slap one another on the back for women "not knowing" and buying into that "it ain't that way."

 

[Thandie]

Believe me Thandie... took me coupla years and waaaaaaaaaaay more dates than I care to remember to figure this stuff out. It was damn near exhausting LOL

Believe it or not MOST of what I have come to learn about men I learned from my husband. He sold out every single dirty "man secret".... you know, the ones that men swear on their balls NEVER to let a woman know? Deny, deny, deny that shit to us but as soon as they don't think a woman is listening they CACKLE and slap one another on the back for women "not knowing" and buying into that "it ain't that way."

I know it too well. Men always told me that and it took me years to learn it because I'm very independing. I once dated a much younger guy, (then moved in together) with less income and I suggested splitting everything in half. He really got used to it, then he started nickel and diming me, it then moved to he wanting me to pay for most things. I finally ended the relationship and a few months after he moved out he asked me for $10,000 he needed. I never spoke to him again. Not that I don't contribute with men, but when you're out to dinner and a guy sits there saying "you owed me $60.45 is a real turn off. I rather taking out sometimes or whatever.

BTW, he never got a dime out of me, but he kept on trying. I believe I created that by suggesting we splited everything, when he never had to do that in other past relationships. My husband now always tells me, "don't ever pay for any man; it will backfire on you". "Real" men feel needed/wanted and caring when they do. They want to feel they can care for you. Right, wrong or indifferent, that's what it is.
I'll never make that mistake again.

 

[Bikini Mod]

I know it too well. Men always told me that and it took me years to learn it because I'm very independing. I once dated a much younger guy, (then moved in together) with less income and I suggested splitting everything in half. He really got used to it, then he started nickel and diming me, it then moved to he wanting me to pay for most things. I finally ended the relationship and a few months after he moved out he asked me for $10,000 he needed. I never spoke to him again. Not that I don't contribute with men, but when you're out to dinner and a guy sits there saying "you owed me $60.45 is a real turn off. I rather taking out sometimes or whatever.

BTW, he never got a dime out of me, but he kept on trying. I believe I created that by suggesting we splited everything, when he never had to do that in other past relationships. My husband now always tells me, "don't ever pay for any man; it will backfire on you". "Real" men feel needed/wanted and caring when they do. They want to feel they can care for you. Right, wrong or indifferent, that's what it is.
I'll never make that mistake again.

Ding! Ding! Ding!

You don't drive/fly/train/walk whatever to him... HE COMES TO YOU. If he has a lovely home or offers to wonderful accomodations close-by and he lives in a place that you've not been or invites you along for a business trip then you go to him and he pays for every bit of it including a car to the airport or if you drove gas money and parking for you car. He is a man, isn't he?

Women have screwed themselves so badly that now they REALLY CAN "do it all for themselves." Hell, science allows us now to have a baby without a man. We just need his seed. We don't have have him sweaty and disjointed as he tries to *do his thang* (you ARENT in that picture LOL), we don't have to listen to him snore all night after he rolls over because he just thinks he did something and we don't have to get irritated that the asshole expects you to take care of the morning wood when already failed so miserably the night before. We don't have to cook him eggs and get irritated that he wouldn't take the trash out on his way out the front door.... NYICE

When a woman projects the whole "I don't NEED a man" image only NON-MEN will be attracted. In the beginning all will be roses and lollipops because of the excitement of the new experiences - ESPECIALLY if the men are VERY HOT - well-muscled pretty boyz, if they are smart too then the sex will be pretty intense, I've no doubt.... and then you start to realize that they are selfish broke-dick dogs with issues.

But daaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmnnnn they were purhty.

(PS - I met hords of non-pretty looking bbers that also fit this profile to a T - not picking on anyone physical type, just that was the first group that popped into m'mind.)

 

[Tatyana]

So are you suggesting that I don't pay for my own hotel and have him pay for it?

How about the flight?

 

[Bikini Mod]

So are you suggesting that I don't pay for my own hotel and have him pay for it?

How about the flight?

I am specifically suggesting that you don't pay for SHIT...

You only accept the invitation if you are truly interested in the chap. Anything else would IMHO be immoral and would fall into the category of "user/empty" gold-digging type female.

You are exceptionally bright, good-hearted and a stunning beauty. If a man that wants to court you can not extend even that much at THE CHANCE to capture some of your time and attention, then where is HIS VALUE?

Trust me when I tell you that a man will step over his own mother to capture the attention of a female in whom he is interested. If he won't, then guess what? HE ISN'T WORTH YOUR TIME OR ATTENTION.

If I want to "hang out" 50/50 then I will do that with my girlfriends (who I know love me because they enjoy my company and not because they want my sex) or my family (who at the very least put up with me because they sorta have to LOL).

I AM DEAD SERIOUS.

 

[Tatyana]

I am not following you.

What does not paying for shit mean?

I have also changed things with meeting up with the second man in Feb, I am moving it to a friends domain, not that it hadn't been, but this is very much a platonic arrangement.

 

[Bikini Mod]

I am not following you.

What does not paying for shit mean?

I have also changed things with meeting up with the second man in Feb, I am moving it to a friends domain, not that it hadn't been, but this is very much a platonic arrangement.

That means that you don't pay for airfare, hotel, meals, parking, or any sort of incidentals connecting with the entire "date". You don't bring the dude a present as any sort of gesture. You don't bake cookies. You don't open doors. You wait for him to help you out of the car. You allow him to order for you. You allow him to help seat you.

If a man wants your attention then he must fight for it. Because he has gained it enough for you to have telephone and chat exchanges only means that he must move to the *next level* in order to KEEP IT.

You are like Missouri now. You are the, "SHOW ME" state.

He wants you?... then let him fight for THE CHANCE to capture you.

If he isn't willing to jump through hoops for you then guess what.. to quote a book written by A MAN "He's just not that into you". And do you not value yourself enough to only "be caught" by a man who would do nearly anything for you?

Where did I learn all of this?

FROM MEN.

Yup, my old grump gave up every single dirty little "man secret".