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Puddles
New member
DSN...fighting back is what they currently do and that won't make things better. Sometimes we have to just toss our pride away and just do what's needed to make a relationship flourish...again.
They obviously had some kind of connection because they got married. They were happy at one point. Then things got out of hand and they're where they are now...each one fighting for their own survival. Since BD has made the decision to at least stick with the marriage until the kids are grown, she may as well continue to try to make it happy for herself...even if that means giving more than her 50% in the hopes that it will eventually turn around again.
BD...tonight when hubby comes home, don't do or say anthing that he can possibly take as confrontational. Instead, let him do what he wants, but just be glad to see him for a bit. Go pick up a 6-pack of one of his favorite beers and stick it in his fridge with a little note that simply says "I love you." If he comes in and asks what it's about, just say you were thinking about him today and how much you love him. Since he's been so standoffish for so long, don't expect anything more than some confusion from him. But doing little things like this...letting him know that you're still there for him...reminding him that you do love him, is a good start. Over the weekend enjoy watching him play with the kids. Look at him and remind yourself how good of a dad he can be. You've probably got so much resentment built up inside yourself that you can't enjoy the good qualities he still has. You're gonna be with this man for many years to come, so instead of focussing on the stuff that bothers you about him, try to look more deeply into what you do like about him. When you feel deserted try to do something for yourself...play with your rabbit, take up a hobby, read a book...but don't just sulk over it...that'll just build more resentment. He may turn around in time...he may not...but never give up if you plan on being with him until the kids are grown. At least in the end if things don't work out you can honestly say that you always tried. Just remember to be subtle for a while.
Someone mentioned his job as being a factor. That can be a huge factor in how couples relat to one another. When my husband and I both worked on Wall St. we could be reall assholes to eachother...especially me during PMS week. I still have memories of stuff that I did that I wish I had not done but forgiveness, for both yourself and the other person, are important...don't live in the past...just keep going on.
They obviously had some kind of connection because they got married. They were happy at one point. Then things got out of hand and they're where they are now...each one fighting for their own survival. Since BD has made the decision to at least stick with the marriage until the kids are grown, she may as well continue to try to make it happy for herself...even if that means giving more than her 50% in the hopes that it will eventually turn around again.
BD...tonight when hubby comes home, don't do or say anthing that he can possibly take as confrontational. Instead, let him do what he wants, but just be glad to see him for a bit. Go pick up a 6-pack of one of his favorite beers and stick it in his fridge with a little note that simply says "I love you." If he comes in and asks what it's about, just say you were thinking about him today and how much you love him. Since he's been so standoffish for so long, don't expect anything more than some confusion from him. But doing little things like this...letting him know that you're still there for him...reminding him that you do love him, is a good start. Over the weekend enjoy watching him play with the kids. Look at him and remind yourself how good of a dad he can be. You've probably got so much resentment built up inside yourself that you can't enjoy the good qualities he still has. You're gonna be with this man for many years to come, so instead of focussing on the stuff that bothers you about him, try to look more deeply into what you do like about him. When you feel deserted try to do something for yourself...play with your rabbit, take up a hobby, read a book...but don't just sulk over it...that'll just build more resentment. He may turn around in time...he may not...but never give up if you plan on being with him until the kids are grown. At least in the end if things don't work out you can honestly say that you always tried. Just remember to be subtle for a while.
Someone mentioned his job as being a factor. That can be a huge factor in how couples relat to one another. When my husband and I both worked on Wall St. we could be reall assholes to eachother...especially me during PMS week. I still have memories of stuff that I did that I wish I had not done but forgiveness, for both yourself and the other person, are important...don't live in the past...just keep going on.
