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HappyScrappy
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those are famous words that my father told me when I was 3.
so I was out at a bar today. I had on cargo shorts, a hawaiian shirt, army boots, wool socks, and a pink flamingo foam hat. just chillin on a weekend. I only had a few drinks over the course of like 3 hours... maybe 30 or so - just prarie fires, keeping it easy since it wasn't that much after breakfast.
anyway, I'm sitting there saying "yo dog!" to people walking by (it is one of them open air bars). people dig shit like that - I'd throw down gang signs and blow kisses at them. I was money. I had a few Mariah Carey songs in my head, so I sang them outloud just to hear my own voice for a bit.
basically I was living large and in charge.
that's when this fine chick walks in and I was just like, damn, that chick is hot! she had on tight pink sweat pants (I think they were mainly tight due to the size of her thighs), a belly shirt (to show off a damn nice belly - probably a good 40 inches around), and a big smile that just beamed love out in every direction.
I love the color pink, so I snorted a few lines of salt to get up the nerve to get up in this shit and headed over to make sweet sweet love to the girl of my dreams.
she was in the processes of enveloping a bar stool with her massive ass when I strutted up to the bar and leaned back, only knocking over a few drinks in the process. I said "hey bitch, you are looking FINE!!" and I smacked her on the back hard enough that her glass eye fell out (I don't know if it is just me, but I fucking love a lazy eye on a chick).
I'm a gentleman, so I helped her look for the eye for a bit, but I couldn't resist thinking about what it would be like getting "eye-head" from this bitch. so with this in mine, I whispered to her that I had something I wanted to tell her. she crawled over to me and I leaned in close to her ear and then I BELCHED an amazing belch that only homeless men and preachers can do.
I know she needed some of my dick and I asked her when I was gonna get some sweet sweet love - and the fucking bitch had the never to start crying... I fucking hate when bitches get all blubbery at the bar. so I yanked her back up to her stool and asked her what her number was because I wanted to hook up later after I had gone home and crapped out this fucking huge load that I had sitting in my gut - there was no way I wanted to go in that dive's bathroom.
so fucking get this - that stupid bitch wouldn't give ME her fucking number.
I don't know what the fuck her deal was, but I'm sitting here a little crushed and I could really use some advice on this shit if you could help me out that would fucking rock.
so I was out at a bar today. I had on cargo shorts, a hawaiian shirt, army boots, wool socks, and a pink flamingo foam hat. just chillin on a weekend. I only had a few drinks over the course of like 3 hours... maybe 30 or so - just prarie fires, keeping it easy since it wasn't that much after breakfast.
anyway, I'm sitting there saying "yo dog!" to people walking by (it is one of them open air bars). people dig shit like that - I'd throw down gang signs and blow kisses at them. I was money. I had a few Mariah Carey songs in my head, so I sang them outloud just to hear my own voice for a bit.
basically I was living large and in charge.
that's when this fine chick walks in and I was just like, damn, that chick is hot! she had on tight pink sweat pants (I think they were mainly tight due to the size of her thighs), a belly shirt (to show off a damn nice belly - probably a good 40 inches around), and a big smile that just beamed love out in every direction.
I love the color pink, so I snorted a few lines of salt to get up the nerve to get up in this shit and headed over to make sweet sweet love to the girl of my dreams.
she was in the processes of enveloping a bar stool with her massive ass when I strutted up to the bar and leaned back, only knocking over a few drinks in the process. I said "hey bitch, you are looking FINE!!" and I smacked her on the back hard enough that her glass eye fell out (I don't know if it is just me, but I fucking love a lazy eye on a chick).
I'm a gentleman, so I helped her look for the eye for a bit, but I couldn't resist thinking about what it would be like getting "eye-head" from this bitch. so with this in mine, I whispered to her that I had something I wanted to tell her. she crawled over to me and I leaned in close to her ear and then I BELCHED an amazing belch that only homeless men and preachers can do.
I know she needed some of my dick and I asked her when I was gonna get some sweet sweet love - and the fucking bitch had the never to start crying... I fucking hate when bitches get all blubbery at the bar. so I yanked her back up to her stool and asked her what her number was because I wanted to hook up later after I had gone home and crapped out this fucking huge load that I had sitting in my gut - there was no way I wanted to go in that dive's bathroom.
so fucking get this - that stupid bitch wouldn't give ME her fucking number.
I don't know what the fuck her deal was, but I'm sitting here a little crushed and I could really use some advice on this shit if you could help me out that would fucking rock.
