I recently passed my driving test and got my first set of wheels. And this morning I drove it for the first time but nearly got into a car accident (yeah it was my bad) and the other driver just lost it, she got out of the car, and so did I.
However once I saw it was some girl (pretty hot) I put on a mean expression on my face, and asked her what the fuck her problem was.
She told me I nearly got her into an accident, at which point I stepped forwards, still with my 'angry face' and she responded by taking steps back. And I literally told her to 'shut the fuck up and sit back in her car' pointing at her car, and she just looked at the floor and hurried back into her drivers seat without saying another word.
Although I try not to, sometimes I can't help be be aggressive towards women. esp good looking women. And for some reason my attitude and her subsequent reaction made me feel really good; really dominant and in control.
And it made me realise that at 6'1 and 95kg, no woman is ever going to talk back much, esp if I seem 'angry' (ha my hard work at the gym has paid off).
I'm generally not very good with girls. I have had only one gf in the past in my miserable life and I realise I used to talk to her with this attitude too and deliberately tried to make her feel bad about herself to control her.. Even though I wasn't consciously aware of the way I was behaving at the time.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
My mum was only 15 when she had me she used to beat me when I was a kid. If I ever protested the discipline would come swiftly, and I would feel it the next day. Sometimes they would have been particularly harsh. Due to this, I was never able to express my negative emotions they would just remain pent up inside me.
[FONT="]From a young age my mum has always tried to control my life - when I should be eating, sleeping, what I should be watching on TV etc
I was never allowed out to play with friends, or go to parties so my social life was terrible as a consequence. [/FONT] I thought what she said was in my best interest so I only ever made friends with guys. However once I started growing up and naturally became aroused by women, I felt really restricted, really repressed, my mums influence over this also meant I had no experience talking to girls. And she basically forbade me and made sure I didn't have any relationships.
[FONT="]This went on until I was 15.
Im 17 now and don't live with her anymore. Whilst I live with her I was always shy and reserved, but once I was no longer living in that hellhole I found myself becoming angrier for no apparent reason. And that's when I began to develop such an attiude. I thought she was doing what she did to help me, but looking back I think she did emotionally cripple me, and led to me develope such an overbearing attitude towards women. Although only good looking women for some reason.
I have been training for almost a year, at first i though it was just to 'get bigger' but earlier I was thinking my motives were much deeper - I wanted confidence, so that I can feel stronger, more powerfult and dominant than others all of which I associate with masculinity.
I know I said I enjoy the feeling of dominance, but I want to change and was wondering what steps I could take to change my attitude for good. My life has already been quite a tragic stroy. I want to live a normal, fulfilling life now. [/FONT]