Assuming that the original poster is NOT an alter, the last thing he needs to do is to actively develop female relationships right now. What he needs is therapy. Anyone who gets a charge out of dominating/frightening someone who is smaller and weaker than them needs intense therapy. And actually, in his case, all the more so as he is cognizant of this behavior, how it is triggered and how it makes him feel but despite the fact of being aware of the behavior, he's not taking responsibility for it, i.e., blaming a bad childhood for bully behavior and using his ADD as an excuse for violence.