My family does not get it, HELP!!!

[Novacek]

I have only become serious about my health to the extreme in the last 7 weeks. I have totally revamped my diet and my exercise regimen and I am absolutely addicted to the person I am becoming.

The problem is my wife has not exactly made teh turn with me, she resents my gym time and we have had several dust ups of late over my diet and how it effects the whole house.

I need very much to find a way to #1 get her into the gym with me and make it a family activity, but #2 she has to see the need for an actual diet plan.

She goes on and on about how I am overboard and I was just supposed to be getting in shape, not turning into a body builder. She says she doesn't even like that look, the problem is I am not trying to beocme a body builder but I am working to put on some decent mass and then cut it up a little, I have never seen my abs and I am committed to finding them.

Any advise to ease the pain around the house?

5'09"
WT=191 down from 204
BF=15 downfrom 17
34 yrs old male

 

[Agent Dana Scully]

lol... i dunno man, theres 2 options, she can deal with it, or you can leave her.

I spend most of my time at a gym, about 3 or 4x out of the week. She doesn't care about my food cuz i buy it with my own $ and, she really loves eating out a lot, so i avoid going out with her cuz i know i'll break my diet if i do. My gf is understanding compared to most cuz she knows if i don't go out to eat with her, it's less money for her to waste cuz i never pay for food at restaurants. Plus, she has her own hobbies, so if im doing something, she's doing something.

I think thats what your gf/wife needs, her own hobbies to keep her busy.

 

[FFQuads]

I have only become serious about my health to the extreme in the last 7 weeks. I have totally revamped my diet and my exercise regimen and I am absolutely addicted to the person I am becoming.

The problem is my wife has not exactly made teh turn with me, she resents my gym time and we have had several dust ups of late over my diet and how it effects the whole house.

I need very much to find a way to #1 get her into the gym with me and make it a family activity, but #2 she has to see the need for an actual diet plan.

She goes on and on about how I am overboard and I was just supposed to be getting in shape, not turning into a body builder. She says she doesn't even like that look, the problem is I am not trying to beocme a body builder but I am working to put on some decent mass and then cut it up a little, I have never seen my abs and I am committed to finding them.

Any advise to ease the pain around the house?

5'09"
WT=191 down from 204
BF=15 downfrom 17
34 yrs old male

You must make her understand that it is important to you and that you like what this training and diet have done so far..... But - Don't push this stuff to far unless you want to become a body builder. All it will do is burn you out in the long run and pull your family apart. Do you have kids? If so, make sure they come first! I have been body building for years and trained way over the edge more than one time and have found that if you include your family in it and tame it down a bit it's fine. There must be a medium.....good luck

 

[Ghede]

take it from someone who almost lost it all.


Put as much effort into her an your marriage as you do into your new found lease on life... i am not suggesting you dont already, just be sure to keep an eye on how much of your PERCEIVED effort, from her perspective, is used up by your selfish efforts

Hey, its ok, they are selfish and there is nothing wrong with that, as long as every waking moment and conversation and special effort is not perceived as being all about you. IF you are putting a bunch of new found and obviously fresh energy into your new found passion, you NEED to put and equal and appropriate amount of concentration into HER. Not into getting her into what you do, but really REALLY getting YOU into what SHE is into.

Being a reformed fat guy, i thought that everybody around me would benefit from doing what i do/did. They did benefit, but the real benefit they received was when i channelled some of that zeal into THEIR interests, not just my desires to have them jump on my bandwagon.

Is it all well and good? Not quite, there are some sticky parts still about 'them' not really giving a hoot about their nutritional health or lack thereof, about how bad they feel when they are not active and how good they feel when they are... but to ask others to mold themselves to our desires is the fasted way to keep that from happening.

I guess to make a long winded answer short: lead by example. Dont try and convert anyone. If you give as much as you have gotten from your own efforts, your reward will be so much greater. Ya know?

 

[alex2678]

Agreed completely with Ghede.

If she has no desire to go to the gym and start living a fitness lifestyle with diet and weights, putting a pressure on her to do so will only make things worse. Not everyone wants what you want with regards to diet and training.

I'm sure you love you wife dearly and wouldn't want to do anything that would upset her. This apparently is somehow. Not to say you have to abandon healthy living. Make her meals for her and yourself and try not to mention or obsess over anything related to changes on your body. Pretend it's just a part of your schedule and make nothing of it in spoken words to her.

Having a loving and caring wife is far more important than having single digit bodyfat levels. Good luck to you. All the best.

 

[Novacek]

take it from someone who almost lost it all.


Put as much effort into her an your marriage as you do into your new found lease on life... i am not suggesting you dont already, just be sure to keep an eye on how much of your PERCEIVED effort, from her perspective, is used up by your selfish efforts

Hey, its ok, they are selfish and there is nothing wrong with that, as long as every waking moment and conversation and special effort is not perceived as being all about you. IF you are putting a bunch of new found and obviously fresh energy into your new found passion, you NEED to put and equal and appropriate amount of concentration into HER. Not into getting her into what you do, but really REALLY getting YOU into what SHE is into.

Being a reformed fat guy, i thought that everybody around me would benefit from doing what i do/did. They did benefit, but the real benefit they received was when i channelled some of that zeal into THEIR interests, not just my desires to have them jump on my bandwagon.

Is it all well and good? Not quite, there are some sticky parts still about 'them' not really giving a hoot about their nutritional health or lack thereof, about how bad they feel when they are not active and how good they feel when they are... but to ask others to mold themselves to our desires is the fasted way to keep that from happening.

I guess to make a long winded answer short: lead by example. Dont try and convert anyone. If you give as much as you have gotten from your own efforts, your reward will be so much greater. Ya know?

Thank you, you are exactly right I have forgotten something very important here.

 

[wrknonit]

Ghede got it right, bro. Congrats on your newfound road to fitness, just don't over do it. Odds are, she'll come around some in her own time and meet you halfway. I poured that kind of energy into a career and almost lost my family over it, thankfully I opened my eyes in time. Luck to ya

 

[Sassy69]

Just like converting a "diet" into a lifestyle, you now have to fit your lifestyle into your family's lifestyle. Just like I tell anyone who takes on the personal lifestyle thing and then gets upset when they get into their first arguement w/ the SO about why its so bad that you just ate the entire jar of peanut butter -- YOU chose to get into that lifestyle, they didn't. It is not their responsibility to put up w/ your food fits when you start low carbing or whatever that puts you in a pissy mood or you just flip out & shovel down a pile of carbs. (This is a bigger deal if you are competition prepping, but applies to any radical change in lifestyle.)

RE; your wife -- you can't make her join the gym or whatever. Food-wise, might be worth getting more involved in food prep & getting creative w/ meals that fit your diet but also help your family w/o feeling like a "diet" meal. To that end, here is this fantastic sticky about how to add spice to your diet on the Diet board. The South Beach Diet book has fantastic recipes that come from the top restaurants. There are lots of ways to help w/ that aspect of it - come to some compromise on the food thing.

RE: the time in the gym - don't spend all day there as yuo do have family - I spend time there cuz I have a cat & it is my social life there as well. If you need to get in cardio time, get a treadmill or somethig for your home. But you can also do outside activity things or bike or whatever for cardio. Again, requires some creativity.

 

[Novacek]

Thank you all very much for your recommendations. You have all opened my eyes about a lot of things. I jumped into this with both feet, I was an athlete in school and for a short time after several years ago and this lifestyle has given me a glimpse of that life, unfortunately what I should be thinking about is my current life and my future. My Wife and family are the most important things, I have to work on ballancing both.

My Wife is asking for help in losing some weight but she doesn't want to do HIIT Cardio she wants to slow bide ride and do her social gym work, I am going to support those things and hope she starts to catch the bug as well but if not that is fine to.

Thanks again gang, the Diet and Excercise is pretty much a scientific issue that anyone can learn, but I have been married for over 11 years and I still screw that up with some regularity.

 

[Dieselicious]

Dude 5 years ago, I had a similar problem, I became serious about competing and my wife at the time was still smoking, drinking & doing lines. I had to move on. your family should stand by you no matter what you are doing, especially if you are on your way to achieving a goal which is good for you. Have a sit down with your wife, you may not be able to change her or get her in the gym but you could get you to realize she will have to accept & stand by you are it may become a serious problem for you guy.
Good luch brotha, keep on reaching for your goals.