mattie o's epistane log

[Roxy722]

137.6 this morning! sheesh. where did that come from? seems like kind of alot...

in other news...im feeling confused about the upcoming show. i dont know if i want to do it anymore. i feel like im rushing things, and that im not going to be in that much better shape than the first one i did...sometimes i think, why dont i bulk slowly for like, 6 or 7 months, and then cut for say, 4 or 5? seems like contest prep is best done slowly like that. and then ill be in KILLER shape, and could do a bigger show even...

DAAAH i just dont know. i feel like this whole thing is just a big gray area, and its stressing me out (hello, cortisol secretion!) the first show i felt like i had a plan, and i was going to execute said plan and do the show come hell or high water. now i feel like...well, my little "bulk" diet may have been less than honorable (not too bad, but probably one or two more cheat meals than i should have had) and i have 10 weeks to cut, but i dont know if ill really be able to get SHREDDED by then...blah, blah. oh and one more thing...im REALLY tired of how massive my effing appetite is. what the hell? its constant gnawing, and now even the ephedrine isnt really taking the edge off. fml.

eh, i dont know, now im just sort of rambling. anyhoo...off to cardio

Mattie...I can totally relate and am in a similar boat. My first show was very much a do or die...I was doing it no matter what. I just finished a few months of trying to gain a teeny bit of muscle and am 2 weeks in to a 10 week cut. I have those moments of confusion and doubt and STRESS but figured that I would keep going and decide further down the road. I do better knowing I have a goal and a timeline but picked a back up date for another show just in case.

Congrats on the body fat! Impressive!

 

[mattie o]

Mattie...I can totally relate and am in a similar boat. My first show was very much a do or die...I was doing it no matter what. I just finished a few months of trying to gain a teeny bit of muscle and am 2 weeks in to a 10 week cut. I have those moments of confusion and doubt and STRESS but figured that I would keep going and decide further down the road. I do better knowing I have a goal and a timeline but picked a back up date for another show just in case.

Congrats on the body fat! Impressive!

true, i guess i dont have to decide right now...hell i can send in my entry form a couple weeks before if i wanted to. the thing is tho...whether or not i do the show dictates what my diet/training is like right now...i guess thats why i feel like i need to decide for sure.

and i agree with you 100%, i do MUCH better if i have a deadline...

 

[mattie o]

little update:

my appetite has not decreased...wtf? its CONSTANT hunger. not cravings, HUNGER. the last few days i have been miserable! i wake up feeling like i havent eaten in days. it blows ass.

going to add more green veggies, i suppose. see if that helps.

 

[Rebecca D]

I felt the same way while on the epistrong. I couldn't get enough to eat. The way I dealt with it was to do what you said, eat more healthy food. If I was going to eat then make it something that would help me. But boy was I craving chocolate.

Rebecca D

 

[mattie o]

I felt the same way while on the epistrong. I couldn't get enough to eat. The way I dealt with it was to do what you said, eat more healthy food. If I was going to eat then make it something that would help me. But boy was I craving chocolate.

Rebecca D

mmm...chocolate does sound good.

im going to try and add some green veggies...to be honest, i never eat veggies, ever. naughty, i know...

 

[mattie o]

veggies are helping SLIGHTLY with appetite. still suffering.

one thing of note: i got 3 more teeny tiny pimples. on my face. probably no one would notice but me, theyre so little.