Importance of a wife Initiating Sex

[mrplunkey]

Ok, I know this forum can be somewhat gritty and straight forward so help me out here sexy people!

My husband keeps getting mad at me because I rarely initate sex. It's not like I put on flannel jammies and fuzzy slippers and expect him to be turned on. I make myself availiable to him. Wear lipgloss and cute stuff to bed, shave my legs (omg I can't believe I'm talking about this), smell good, don't wear sox, ect. We go to bed at the same time, ect. So, lots of good stuff going on.

~BUT~

Why am I not horny? Is it a decision you make? Am I doing something wrong? I just feel overly tired by the end of the day and am not in the mood to give a strip tease on the coffee table after finally getting my kids to bed at night.

Does it hurt your feelings if your woman doesn't initiate sex? Or is it enough for her to be a willing sport in it when you are ready?

It's a huge deal to the vast majority of men.

Put the shoe on the other foot. What if your DH was never the first one to say: "I love you"... or if you were always the one to initiate a hug or any other type of affectionate touch... or if you were the only one that proposed you two spend time together? You could probably deal with it for a week, month or even a year. But what if you went 10 years and the only time he initiated saying: "I love you" was 2-3 times per year?

And I'm not implying that he wouldn't want to say "I love you" or be affectionate. I'm just pointing-out how frustrating it would be if you had to be the initiator every time.

 

[EnderJE]

it's a huge deal to the vast majority of men.

Put the shoe on the other foot. What if your dh was never the first one to say: "i love you"... Or if you were always the one to initiate a hug or any other type of affectionate touch... Or if you were the only one that proposed you two spend time together? You could probably deal with it for a week, month or even a year. But what if you went 10 years and the only time he initiated saying: "i love you" was 2-3 times per year?

And i'm not implying that he wouldn't want to say "i love you" or be affectionate. I'm just pointing-out how frustrating it would be if you had to be the initiator every time.

+ 1

 

[artificialaspirations]

its very importantand breaks up the monotany. I initiate most of the time as the wife gets horny at random times 'like when i'm getting dressed for work' that don't align perfectly. I really wish she'd be more aggressive as it it can make you feel unwanted. Hopefully new birth control will help. We've only been married 2 yrs.

 

[captainahole]

What a great subject. I have been with my current wife for 20 years now and I can count on 1 finger the amount of times she has initiated sex. Yes it drives me crazy, I wish she would. It would make me feel that she really does love to have sex with me and that I am really important to her. I know I am but it is just one of those issues that I have learned to live with. My first wife had no problem at all initiating sex. God I hate that bitch. But that's another story.

 

[-SD-]

nomarriage.com

 

[cindylou]

sex is how men feel loved

i dont like to initiate sex, in fact i sometimes always forget since he does it mostly

but its always a good idea (imo) to TRY at least once a week to initiate , so he feels loved

and isnt tempted by someone who is willing to initiate lol

 

[nefertiti]

I'm kind of a guy in this regard...You know that whole thing about the five languages of love? The one I speak strongest is physical touch. When I am really really in love (only happened a couple of times), I am very affectionate, and my libido goes into overdrive. I find myself initiating almost all the time, even in the relationship I had that lasted years. My current is a horn dog, but he's under an extreme amount of stress right now, which has affected his libido a bit and put us out of balance...The thing is, because my love language is physical touch, I want to sooth him and take his mind off of things with sex. But aparently it came accross like I'm more interested in sex than I am being the friend he needs right now.

That of course was not true, but it was an instance of us talking in two different languages and the way that can be miscontsrued.

lol, gender reversal there....

So my answer is, I think it's important to know your partners love language and to make sure you make them feel loved in the way they feel it the strongest. For a lot of men that's physical touch.

 

[cindylou]

I'm kind of a guy in this regard...You know that whole thing about the five languages of love? The one I speak strongest is physical touch. When I am really really in love (only happened a couple of times), I am very affectionate, and my libido goes into overdrive. I find myself initiating almost all the time, even in the relationship I had that lasted years. My current is a horn dog, but he's under an extreme amount of stress right now, which has affected his libido a bit and put us out of balance...The thing is, because my love language is physical touch, I want to sooth him and take his mind off of things with sex. But aparently it came accross like I'm more interested in sex than I am being the friend he needs right now.

That of course was not true, but it was an instance of us talking in two different languages and the way that can be miscontsrued.

lol, gender reversal there....

So my answer is, I think it's important to know your partners love language and to make sure you make them feel loved in the way they feel it the strongest. For a lot of men that's physical touch.

I agree, I remember reading a book about the love languages. It was interesting.

 

[NEO1]

For god's sake, just fuck him already

 

[mrplunkey]

For god's sake, just fuck him already

Hell^Yes

That's the obvious answer. Screw him early and often!