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Importance of a wife Initiating Sex
- Thread starter curvymommy
- Start date
CM it doesnt seem like this is about you not wanting to initiate, but more about why arent you horny to begin with, right? most women will say the same thing. our approach to sex is much different. men get randomly horny like 98thousand times a day, and for us, nowhere near as often, thats just a fact.
so with the question in mind, why dont you feel horny? there are a wholw slew of things that contribute including, but not limited to: age, mood, health, energy level, self confidence, use of supplements, birth control or medication side effects, nature of the relationship, time of day, etc and so many more.
i have found that certain stimulants and also birth control can wreak havoc on my sex drive. and this issue you mention above about not initiating, has been a major issue in at least one if not more of my past long term relationships, but not the most recent one. seems, i became more comfortable over time in not only expressing when i was feeling horny, but also recognizing and EMBRACING it.
so with the question in mind, why dont you feel horny? there are a wholw slew of things that contribute including, but not limited to: age, mood, health, energy level, self confidence, use of supplements, birth control or medication side effects, nature of the relationship, time of day, etc and so many more.
i have found that certain stimulants and also birth control can wreak havoc on my sex drive. and this issue you mention above about not initiating, has been a major issue in at least one if not more of my past long term relationships, but not the most recent one. seems, i became more comfortable over time in not only expressing when i was feeling horny, but also recognizing and EMBRACING it.
digimon7068
New member
absolutely. . .i never would have even attempted to try to spend the rest of my life with someone that didn't enjoy sex enough to take the bull by the horns once in a while. . .but, honestly. . .the predator/prey relationship is pretty normal. . .and i'm ok with it. . .
Thanks so much everyone for helping me out! Your questions and input are giving me a lot to consider.
Smurfy, you REALLY are onto something. Check this out~I guess I don't feel randomly horny.
Here is the true confession part that embarrasses me a little: to be continually horny throughout the day or at least have sex on my mind I must DWELL on it a lot. I can do it if I really focus. It takes a lot of working out, primping, googling stuff, sometimes flirting (innocently enough, I swear!) with random people at the store, meditating (fantasy?) on what I will do later for my DH, ect, ect... THEN and only then it I occupy my mind all day wtih sex can I become a horny little bitch.
It CAN be done but dang it, I run out of time. Right when I'm feeling it life happens, a kid throws up, or something and I'm back to square one.
It's a full time job, lol
Smurfy, you REALLY are onto something. Check this out~I guess I don't feel randomly horny.
Here is the true confession part that embarrasses me a little: to be continually horny throughout the day or at least have sex on my mind I must DWELL on it a lot. I can do it if I really focus. It takes a lot of working out, primping, googling stuff, sometimes flirting (innocently enough, I swear!) with random people at the store, meditating (fantasy?) on what I will do later for my DH, ect, ect... THEN and only then it I occupy my mind all day wtih sex can I become a horny little bitch.
It CAN be done but dang it, I run out of time. Right when I'm feeling it life happens, a kid throws up, or something and I'm back to square one.
It's a full time job, lol
Yeah, I'm sure NONE of my mom friends are any different. That's why their DH's screw around. If mine did that he'd be flushing his family down the tubes so we must get this hashed out no matter how common it is.
Most of the time I'm the one initiating the sex as well, and yes sometimes it hurts my feelings or doesn't necessarily feel very good because I wish my wife would "initiate" more often. But as long as the sex is reaaallly good, then it's all good 
Ok, this is about as graphic as I'll ever get on here I promise but we're all adults so here it is:
Jeff Foxworthy knows what's up, lol!
My DH has to orally start me up for about 5 minuets or so. Usually I'm so dead-dog tired that I just get prettied up and lay on the bed half falling asleep til he gets outta the shower and comes over and does a sexual favor for me.
(omg)
THEN I'm like WHOOHOO, I wake up and jump on top of him and we're off to the races and we have a great time. He's getting pissed that I jsut doll up and lay down and hence the conflict.
He's like, "honey, don't you love doing it?" I'm like "yeah, but I always forget til you start doing what you do so well!" HE just shakes his head and mumbles something about me having a short memory!
dang
Jeff Foxworthy knows what's up, lol!
My DH has to orally start me up for about 5 minuets or so. Usually I'm so dead-dog tired that I just get prettied up and lay on the bed half falling asleep til he gets outta the shower and comes over and does a sexual favor for me.
(omg)THEN I'm like WHOOHOO, I wake up and jump on top of him and we're off to the races and we have a great time. He's getting pissed that I jsut doll up and lay down and hence the conflict.
He's like, "honey, don't you love doing it?" I'm like "yeah, but I always forget til you start doing what you do so well!" HE just shakes his head and mumbles something about me having a short memory!
dang
meh. . .i agree with jeff foxworthy. . .generally speaking, women are like diesel engines. . .they need to be physically started up. . .and sometimes it takes a little while to get them going. . .but once you do, they run for a long LONG time. . .
my wife initiates once in a while but not nearly as often as i do. . .it's always been like that. . .i think that's probably pretty normal and i think it's part nature and part nurture. . .men are genetically programmed (to a certain extent) and also taught to be the pursuers and women are genetically programmed (to a certain extent) and (most) are also taught to be the pursue-ees. . .i don't make up the rules. . .i just have to live with them
+100!!! VERY well said!!!
This is an issue that's come up for discussion between my husband and myself periodically.
I REALLY don't like even having sex at bedtime (I have my reasons). I will initiate things if we're together during the day, like weekends or vacations. Sometimes I can be a literal pest in fact (I like nooners
omg, that reminds me that we need a vacation. He could start with a day off!!!
I have this conversation with my wife all the time. It always seems to be me initiating sex.
I don't think you really need to do the "strip tease" on the table, but even if your in bed just start by kissing or grabbing his dick, or whatever.
I think guys (or atleast your husband and myself as we seem to think on the same level) want to know that you wimminz want the sexy time from us as much as we do from you.
Do yourself a favor and just stroke his ego...or whatever else you feel like stroking
the striptease is the dream and the kissing is a starting place. He actually wants me to be more confident with my body. I thought I was but then I feel shy.
Ok, check on the ego thing. I do this all the time but need to do it sexually too.
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