Importance of a wife Initiating Sex

[musclemom]

I understand what your saying but in relation to my point i do not

clarify please

Unless you're married to a woman wearing a Burkha then "Woman Service Me" rarely constitutes a cooperative, loving relationship.

As you chose to not quote what post specifically you were responding to I'm forced to take your post at it's face value in the context of the general atmosphere of the thread, that being the question of a wife initiating sex, potential reasons why women don't initiate as often as men would like, reasons why there might be a lack of desire on the wife's behalf as to initiation of sexual activity, etc.

Your comment:

An Alpha male never worries of these things NOR cares

telling the wife or girlfriend how your hung up is a slippert slope to disaster and TURN OFF

if your a true man make it happen and Shut teh f up

Implies the way a "man" should be in the relationship is sexually closed off with regards to his wants, needs and even fears and worries. That is not how to maintain a healthy relationship, and that is not how to maintain open and supportive communication within the relationship and that is most certainly not conducive to a long term relationship.

The term "Alpha Male" carries other implications as well, a "Me Tarzan/You Jane" machismo that is becoming tiresome.

As for women being the gatekeeper in every mammalian species the females are the gatekeepers. It is the female that decides when, where and with whom, not the male. Males ask to be permitted entrance to the garden, but it's the female who throws the gate open or slams that bitch shut.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Unless you're married to a woman wearing a Burkha then "Woman Service Me" rarely constitutes a cooperative, loving relationship.

As you chose to not quote what post specifically you were responding to I'm forced to take your post at it's face value in the context of the general atmosphere of the thread, that being the question of a wife initiating sex, potential reasons why women don't initiate as often as men would like, reasons why there might be a lack of desire on the wife's behalf as to initiation of sexual activity, etc.

Your comment:

Implies the way a "man" should be in the relationship is sexually closed off with regards to his wants, needs and even fears and worries. That is not how to maintain a healthy relationship, and that is not how to maintain open and supportive communication within the relationship and that is most certainly not conducive to a long term relationship.

The term "Alpha Male" carries other implications as well, a "Me Tarzan/You Jane" machismo that is becoming tiresome.

As for women being the gatekeeper in every mammalian species the females are the gatekeepers. It is the female that decides when, where and with whom, not the male. Males ask to be permitted entrance to the garden, but it's the female who throws the gate open or slams that bitch shut.

Yup, pretty much LOL

My husband does NOT rub my head to initiate sex. We have a running joke where he will say (at the most inappropriate times) "Wanna suck my dick?" and he is guaranteed NOT to get laid LOL .... unless he makes up for his silliness.

My husband and I (believe it or not) are still *learning one another* when it comes to sex. We have had a very peculiar courtship and marriage so *conventional* rules don't seem to apply...

I never had trouble initiating sex before we married. But for some reason I feel wierd and just don't know how to do it, other than by rubbing my husband's head. He usually sleeps face down so yanking his johnson is out. LOL I just find my rubbing his head a very sweet, loving NON-sexual way to initiate sex... He prefers to have sex just before we go to sleep while I prefer to doink whenever the mood strikes me then get dressed and go back to whatever we were doing before. I am usually too tired by bedtime. Morning sex is always good but I prefer, spurr of the moment, anytime we are home and NOT getting ready for bed sex while he prefers to make me cum till I am ready for deep coma...

CM - a lot of people who do not have young children just don't understand how physically and mentally draining it is for a wife with a gaggle of young children and a household. From what you have posted your husband is also somewhat demanding of you non-sexually. You seem more than happy to accomodate (which is sweet) HOWEVER, your husband should also realize that when you are stretched sooooooooooooo thin with the kids, the household and him (non-sexually) that the sex part is usually last.

Here is a strange suggestion...

How bout you find a sweet NON-sexual way to initiate sex then verbalize to your husband, honey, when we get ready for bed and I am wearing that nightie that you bought me for my birthday I DEFINITELY would like to do the nasty with you.

Or something to the effect of, "Honey, you know when I nibble on your ear like *this* and whisper that I love you. What I REALLY MEAN is "please oh please oh please I want you to fuck you till you cough blood."



I know that sounds really REALLY wierd but see how it goes...

This way you are initiating sex even though you aren't the one who is physically making the pass. It's more like you are letting him know LOUD AND CLEAR - if you ask me the answer will DEFINITELY BE YES.

 

[curvymommy]

Or something to the effect of, "Honey, you know when I nibble on your ear like *this* and whisper that I love you. What I REALLY MEAN is "please oh please oh please I want you to fuck you till you cough blood."


I know that sounds really REALLY wierd but see how it goes...

This way you are initiating sex even though you aren't the one who is physically making the pass. It's more like you are letting him know LOUD AND CLEAR - if you ask me the answer will DEFINITELY BE YES.

omgomgomgomg!!!!!!!!!!!

Of all the times I "say" LOL on EF this time I really, truly have been laughing audibly SO hard for the past couple minuets over this!

SO funny and what great advice!

 

[curvymommy]

MuscleMom and WB2:

You both have really good points and since I've been pretty transparent in this thread I'll continue that theme now.

Honestly, it is a bit of a turnoff. It puts a lot of pressure on me. We maintain very traditional roles in our marriage. He brings home the bacon, I keep the home fires burning, and all those great stereotypical things.

~~~BUT~~~

Let's face it. DH (and all humans but especially guys) have a challenge in the area of ego and needing to feel
validated and loved. Four years ago I WAS my "before" pic. He had virtually no fear of losing me and had no intimidation factor of me in my newfound healthy (I'm hot in his eyes) body. He must want so deeply to know that I still dig him physically eventhough he's basically the same and I'm a skinny girl now.

OMg, that is like a marriage counseling session but I had to put it out there as my true feelings since you guys are still talking about it. Thanks so much for helping me realize a lot of stuff here.

 

[Bikini Mod]

MuscleMom and WB2:

You both have really good points and since I've been pretty transparent in this thread I'll continue that theme now.

Honestly, it is a bit of a turnoff. It puts a lot of pressure on me. We maintain very traditional roles in our marriage. He brings home the bacon, I keep the home fires burning, and all those great stereotypical things.

~~~BUT~~~

Let's face it. DH (and all humans but especially guys) have a challenge in the area of ego and needing to feel
validated and loved. Four years ago I WAS my "before" pic. He had virtually no fear of losing me and had no intimidation factor of me in my newfound healthy (I'm hot in his eyes) body. He must want so deeply to know that I still dig him physically eventhough he's basically the same and I'm a skinny girl now.

OMg, that is like a marriage counseling session but I had to put it out there as my true feelings since you guys are still talking about it. Thanks so much for helping me realize a lot of stuff here.

CM - I so feel you...

For me and my husband it is a little different. I mean, I was in great shape and very attractive when we met but still I was no 22 year old blonde cheap looking overly sexual stripper chick with hyuge hooters. So I've always felt a bit insecure to be honest because I know how visual men are. And now, here I am two years older, needing new bewbies feeling like I am RACING against the clock...

How could I possibly compete with the rockstar life that my husband led before me?

Maybe that is why I feel so intimidated and why I don't feel comfortable initiating sex the way I did before. So this *non-sexual* way of me initiating sex (clearly it is more about me letting him know that it is ok for HIM to initiate) works really well for both of us.

... either that or I send him a text during the day letting him know that I am "in the mood." Usually something very flowery and romantic like, "Wanna fuck?!"

 

[WhistleBritchesII]

my point is a Real male should NEVER verbalize his discontent and then make Wife feel guilty to thus passively force her to do the act ( ie you owe me or your not doing your job)
He should do all he can to figure out how to "crack here code: or hell just be a MAN"

Women will always gravitate to man who is confident and makes her feel good

 

[WhistleBritchesII]

its would turn ME off if I EVER verbalized it or showed excessive clingyness
I would just leave lol

 

[WhistleBritchesII]

Honestly, it is a bit of a turnoff. It puts a lot of pressure on me. e.

and there you have it.......


you are RIGHT to feel that way

 

[mrplunkey]

As for women being the gatekeeper in every mammalian species the females are the gatekeepers. It is the female that decides when, where and with whom, not the male. Males ask to be permitted entrance to the garden, but it's the female who throws the gate open or slams that bitch shut.

Careful using a biological argument there... There are also plenty of examples of mammals where the male screws whichever "gate" is "open" then promptly moves-on to the next gate! If men can override their biological urges to screw and move on, it seems to me like women should override their biological urge to be the gatekeeper!

 

[musclemom]

Careful using a biological argument there... There are also plenty of examples of mammals where the male screws whichever "gate" is "open" then promptly moves-on to the next gate! If men can override their biological urges to screw and move on, it seems to me like women should override their biological urge to be the gatekeeper!

For the sake of trying get a point across to Mr. MPD don't get all semantic on me, Plunk.

And I really have known plenty of men who were happily monogamous. I've known the hounds, too, sure, but I really do know plenty of guys, usually those who are in happy, fulfilling relationships, who really aren't interested in being with other women. That doesn't make them dead or pussy whipped, it just means they care more about the continued success of their current relationship than strange