Importance of a wife Initiating Sex

[Bikini Mod]

my point is a Real male should NEVER verbalize his discontent and then make Wife feel guilty to thus passively force her to do the act ( ie you owe me or your not doing your job)
He should do all he can to figure out how to "crack here code: or hell just be a MAN"

Women will always gravitate to man who is confident and makes her feel good

Very true.

I can't tell you how many times I have said, "Honey, I am just not in the mood tonite." And he turned around and said, "OK then.. I love you. Good night" ...and he was perfectly happy to just not have sex.

THAT MADE ME WANT TO FUCK HIM BUT GOOD.

It isn't a game. It isn't premeditated. It is good faith. If my man is too tired or stressed to have sex then I should take no for answer the same... and I do. Often times though when your mate understands and cuts you slack because you are tired/dont feel well then this means they love you and unless you are beyond sick or some such you suddenly feel the urge to show your apprecation for his understanding.

 

[musclemom]

my point is a Real male should NEVER verbalize his discontent and then make Wife feel guilty to thus passively force her to do the act ( ie you owe me or your not doing your job)
He should do all he can to figure out how to "crack here code: or hell just be a MAN"

Women will always gravitate to man who is confident and makes her feel good

What you're describing is passive aggressive behavior, and I have no tolerance for it in either gender.

As for cracking her code ... is there any way you could make a putzier, more annoying comment?

Look, there's no frigging secret to women, no secret code (and if you think there is, you should read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus") but most importantly, relationships aren't games of Strattego. As a couple, to succeed, you have to communicate openly, cooperate, use compassion and empathy. You have to care enough about your mate's feelings, put yourself in their place, and you have to trust that your mate loves and cares for you. Letting a woman in on your softer side is part of that trust. You don't let her see that, she'll alway feel you don't totally trust her, that you've got something shut off from her.

 

[jd_uk]

Ok, I know this forum can be somewhat gritty and straight forward so help me out here sexy people!

My husband keeps getting mad at me because I rarely initate sex. It's not like I put on flannel jammies and fuzzy slippers and expect him to be turned on. I make myself availiable to him. Wear lipgloss and cute stuff to bed, shave my legs (omg I can't believe I'm talking about this), smell good, don't wear sox, ect. We go to bed at the same time, ect. So, lots of good stuff going on.

~BUT~

Why am I not horny? Is it a decision you make? Am I doing something wrong? I just feel overly tired by the end of the day and am not in the mood to give a strip tease on the coffee table after finally getting my kids to bed at night.

Does it hurt your feelings if your woman doesn't initiate sex? Or is it enough for her to be a willing sport in it when you are ready?

Honest answer?

No you aren't doing enough. Why should it be up to the guy to always initiate even if you're 'willing'? Hardly makes for a good balanced sex life and he won't feel good either. Especially if he gets attention from other horny women elsewhere...Imagine how he feels when he gets home and you are only 'willing'. Fruustrated and probably a bit annoyed/hurt is the answer. All about balance. Being good at sex requires effort, just like anything else. Sorry if it sounds harsh.

 

[jd_uk]

Ok, this is about as graphic as I'll ever get on here I promise but we're all adults so here it is:

Jeff Foxworthy knows what's up, lol!

My DH has to orally start me up for about 5 minuets or so. Usually I'm so dead-dog tired that I just get prettied up and lay on the bed half falling asleep til he gets outta the shower and comes over and does a sexual favor for me. (omg)

THEN I'm like WHOOHOO, I wake up and jump on top of him and we're off to the races and we have a great time. He's getting pissed that I jsut doll up and lay down and hence the conflict.

He's like, "honey, don't you love doing it?" I'm like "yeah, but I always forget til you start doing what you do so well!" HE just shakes his head and mumbles something about me having a short memory!

dang

You sound shy talking about sex. Maybe that's part of the problem. Don't worry about being openly 'dirty' or slutty. Practice being horny if that's what it takes. It's a skill, and your husband will enjoy it very much.

 

[jd_uk]

the striptease is the dream and the kissing is a starting place. He actually wants me to be more confident with my body. I thought I was but then I feel shy.

Ok, check on the ego thing. I do this all the time but need to do it sexually too.

Well there you have it. He's right.

 

[jd_uk]

and by initiating, that could mean many things right? i mean, for me, it basically means me hinting at wanting it, and then perhaps some flirty touching in bed, like a grab of his butt or touching his weiner through his boxers lol

does that count guys? huh? does it?

Nope.

 

[jd_uk]

I'm kind of a guy in this regard...You know that whole thing about the five languages of love? The one I speak strongest is physical touch. When I am really really in love (only happened a couple of times), I am very affectionate, and my libido goes into overdrive. I find myself initiating almost all the time, even in the relationship I had that lasted years. My current is a horn dog, but he's under an extreme amount of stress right now, which has affected his libido a bit and put us out of balance...The thing is, because my love language is physical touch, I want to sooth him and take his mind off of things with sex. But aparently it came accross like I'm more interested in sex than I am being the friend he needs right now.

That of course was not true, but it was an instance of us talking in two different languages and the way that can be miscontsrued.

lol, gender reversal there....

So my answer is, I think it's important to know your partners love language and to make sure you make them feel loved in the way they feel it the strongest. For a lot of men that's physical touch.

Marry me.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Long and short MM is spot on when she talks of OPEN COMMUNICATION.

Interesting couples have no problem talking about everything EXCEPT sex.

 

[mrplunkey]

For the sake of trying get a point across to Mr. MPD don't get all semantic on me, Plunk.

And I really have known plenty of men who were happily monogamous. I've known the hounds, too, sure, but I really do know plenty of guys, usually those who are in happy, fulfilling relationships, who really aren't interested in being with other women. That doesn't make them dead or pussy whipped, it just means they care more about the continued success of their current relationship than strange

But the genes that proliferated were the ones that liked "strange" (I've always liked that term for some reason). It just seems more than fair that a male suppressing his urge for "strange" should be met in turn with a woman suppressing her innate "gatekeeper" role!



Damn wimminz -- always trying to deal off the bottom of the biological deck!

 

[musclemom]

But the genes that proliferated were the ones that liked "strange" (I've always liked that term for some reason). It just seems more than fair that a male suppressing his urge for "strange" should be met in turn with a woman suppressing her innate "gatekeeper" role!



Damn wimminz -- always trying to deal off the bottom of the biological deck!

Considering that pregnancy/birth/raising a human child to the age/size of being able to fend for itself really is not something suitable for an unattached female I really wonder about the whole "Spread the Genes" theory, seriously. It seems to me that young humans (male and female) are all pretty much your basic horny little hairless apes but once they get a little age on them I think there is a stronger drive to bond with one mate. Now, in terms of till death do you part, that's a recent convention

I always thought humans are genetically serial monogamists with the occasional fling thrown in here or there.

As for the female being the gatekeeper, that's just what it is. Males can bellow and roar and butt heads all they want, it's still the females that make the final decision.

Next go round, you get to be female, you get to pick