Short1 - Bodybuilding Competition Log

[florencia]

YUM YUM YUM!!!
Shorty make my day and post new pics...So I can slit my wrists!!!

 

[the-short-one]

YUM YUM YUM!!!
Shorty make my day and post new pics...So I can slit my wrists!!!

no wrist slitting in my log.


I'll post pics at the end of the week. I've got a full plate right now - have to get the house painted so I can move into it.

---------------------



I'm having a rough day today. Woke up this morning to a disgruntled SO. For some unknown reason, he's started snoring lately. LOUDLY. lol This means I'm not getting any sleep if I have to stay in the same bed with him, so about 1 am (when I can't take it anymore) I creep out of bed and sleep in the other bed.

Apparently, he doesn't like this and went off on me first thing this morning before I even had my eyes open. that escalated into other things, as arguments usually do. It wasn't pretty.

I think he's feeling neglected - and we can all probably see why. I'm tired all the time and am living/breathing this competition. We discussed it before the whole thing started - about how hard this was going to be on both of us. Up until now, he's been wonderful - but he tends to let things boil up inside him without showing it on the outside. then BOOM. He freaks out.

Just so you all know - this much cardio/training has it's effect one ones sex life. lolol I fall asleep as soon as I hit the pillow, and am up first thing to go back to the gym. oi.

Anyway - I feel bad, because he's been so good about the whole thing. I'm also a little mad because he really freaked out because I'm not in bed when he wakes up. What am I supposed to do? Stay in bed with him and suffer through the snoring all night? In 2-3 days, I'll be the one freaking out in the morning over lack of sleep. I tried to explain that it's nothing personal - I just need sleep really badly...


I don't know why the snoring started. He doesn't have a cold. He's not congested in any way. He is adding muscle and getting bigger - I don't know if any of that would have an effect or not. ?????

there were some hurtful things said to me this morning that I am confused about:

1. (finger pointing in my direction while talking in a loud voice) "I was this close to asking you to marry me." wtf?? what does that mean? I mulled this over on the stairmill this morning, and still can't figure it out. lolol I'd be with jeff regardless of if we ever got married or not - so it's not like I've been pining away - waiting for a proposal. We've been together 6 years. Whatever it means, it's distrubing.

2. (finger pointed at me again) "Tell me what exactly you think you bring to this relationship." I don't know how to answer that one, either. I can think of all kinds of things, and I can't think of anything - all at the same time. lol Does he mean financially? what?

...and the worst:

3. "When I get home tonight, you'd better have all your stuff packed...and I mean just your stuff." wow. first, he's throwing me out, then he's accusing me in advance for taking stuff that doesn't belong to me. if it weren't so horrible, it would be funny. later in the discussion, he recanted on this - telling me he didn't mean it. it still hurts, tho. I don't like threats - and this is the first time in our history he has EVER said something like this.

Jeff is a wonderful, wonderful man. I consider myself very lucky to have found him - so don't get the wrong idea based on what I've told you. He's thoughtful, kind, caring, etc. We have a lot in common, and spend A LOT of time together. (<---that could be the problem right there. lolol) He's my best friend, and I'm his. This is just so out of character for him that I'm at a loss.

I think I've been so preoccupied with this competition that I haven't been paying him as much attention as I usually do. ?? right? Someone read into this for me and make me feel better.


You all know I rarely talk about my personal life here, but dammit! I don't have anyone else to talk to, so you'll have to suffer through my whining.

 

[The Shadow]

Sally...Im going to pm you my cell number......


call me if you wanna talk from the perspective of a trainer

 

[Sassy69]

I guess I've been "lucky" enough to be single while competing -- I did lose one bf over my first show which impacted the post-show crash later as well. But I suppose reheating some tilapia in his microwave would set me off too -- the smell doesnt' go away so quickly...

HOWEVER --- as you've already discussed the implications of this commitment, you should also be in a position to fairly say "ok let's talk about this" -- Just like lots of us come on EF to air our frustrations, maybe he needs an ear to hear his frustrations as well. And often just the outlet helps alot to deal w/ it. I'm not sure you can actually do anythign to change it as far as your training schedule & how exhausting the whole thing is. One upside is that w/ the cycling, what could've been a freaking brutal contest prep actually is a lot less rough w/ the recovery-ability of the AAS. But I'm sure "It could've been a lot worse there buddy..." isn't really a good response to his frustrations....

OK back to the topic --- just talk about it --- its fair to listen to his issues & frustrations and just talk. Are there very specific things that are diriving him nuts? Is it just the whole thing in general? Does he perceive you as spendign too much time flexing in the mirror ( ... smartass comment... just kidding..) or whatever? Let's also not forget that you both have been under bigtime pressure from moving and all that goes into that. Maybe his frustrations have nothign to do speicfically w/ your competition and just w/ the current pile of stuff you both are doing. Or maybe he just wants some attention? Its fair. He didn't choose to do the show - you did. Even if you discussed it & agreed to it - he has to ride on the side & live w/ it while you are directly focused.

I'd just say - talk about it- find out where its all comign from - it doesn't need to be accusatory or anythign - but there's always somethign underlying when people start spouting off. Hell, if he's cycling , is he doign his PCT correctly or running an aggressive tren cycle or something? I was mega moody this weekend -- no idea what really caused it but it was very much like "hormone day" -- came up from no where and I was literally wondering who could take care of my cat for me so I could just not be here. I'm not suicidal or anythign - but something was eating me or whatever - its completely passed as of yesterday afternoon -- but it did exist and its impact was pretty tangible to me & probably the people around me from Fri nite around 10 pm until yesterday afternoon.

Anyway -- just talk. If it means you give him some quality time or I dunno - share a jacuzzi together or whatever -- but hear him out instead of waiting for the weird moments of unexplianed snapping. There's your perception & then there's his and lots of emotions are involved in a relationship as close as you two are --- just talk.

Hope that helps & good luck!

And shit, 5 weeks away right? Walk in the park. Get more flimsy outfits for a "private" photoshoot or something the next day after the show or something that he can "look forwad to" as well, i.e. so he has a focus & can share more in the whole experience.

BTW -- startign at around 4-5 weeks is when the show gets a lot more real and a new sort of stress can start up as well because you've been operating in this weird state of existence for so long and all of a sudden there's no more wiggle room but also it is much more real.

BTW -- trip to San Diego? Helloooo... go set up an awesome nite out on the town or lounging around on the beach or something.

 

[treilin]

Totally agree with Sassy!!!!

I can't imagine having someone like that close all of a sudden flip especially this close to competition. I mean I'm sure your emotions are at an all time high (I know mine were), and then not getting sleep (I'm sure the snoring was aggravating as heck). Your doing good holding yourself together and not letting stuff swing way out of proportion. I'm sure if he would catch you at the wrong time he would have gotten the b*tch out from you... It's hard to think clearly about where this is stemming from with a clear mind, but with a dieted down state of cloudy mind you are in... you did the right thing by asking other's for input. I decided to make no judgement calls the last 4 weeks because your brain is handicapped!
Sounds to me like he's under a lot of stress. He more then likely does not mean what he said he just seems like he is feeling neglected with your training, and stressed with the move, etc.. etc.. Like Sassy said go out and buy some lingerie and plan for post show partying!!! I know it's hard to think of going to the store and buying this stuff when all you want to do is sleep, or at least just to sit down.
Only 3 weeks left everything will pan out just fine just keep the pieces together and tell him ,"Baby it's only 3 more weeks please bare with me I need you to do this for me right now." Promise him he'll get his cake and the cherry on top (no pun intended LOL) if he can just stand by you.

 

[the-short-one]

I guess I've been "lucky" enough to be single while competing -- I did lose one bf over my first show which impacted the post-show crash later as well. But I suppose reheating some tilapia in his microwave would set me off too -- the smell doesnt' go away so quickly...

HOWEVER --- as you've already discussed the implications of this commitment, you should also be in a position to fairly say "ok let's talk about this" -- Just like lots of us come on EF to air our frustrations, maybe he needs an ear to hear his frustrations as well. And often just the outlet helps alot to deal w/ it. I'm not sure you can actually do anythign to change it as far as your training schedule & how exhausting the whole thing is. One upside is that w/ the cycling, what could've been a freaking brutal contest prep actually is a lot less rough w/ the recovery-ability of the AAS. But I'm sure "It could've been a lot worse there buddy..." isn't really a good response to his frustrations....

OK back to the topic --- just talk about it --- its fair to listen to his issues & frustrations and just talk. Are there very specific things that are diriving him nuts? Is it just the whole thing in general? Does he perceive you as spendign too much time flexing in the mirror ( ... smartass comment... just kidding..) or whatever? Let's also not forget that you both have been under bigtime pressure from moving and all that goes into that. Maybe his frustrations have nothign to do speicfically w/ your competition and just w/ the current pile of stuff you both are doing. Or maybe he just wants some attention? Its fair. He didn't choose to do the show - you did. Even if you discussed it & agreed to it - he has to ride on the side & live w/ it while you are directly focused.

I'd just say - talk about it- find out where its all comign from - it doesn't need to be accusatory or anythign - but there's always somethign underlying when people start spouting off. Hell, if he's cycling , is he doign his PCT correctly or running an aggressive tren cycle or something? I was mega moody this weekend -- no idea what really caused it but it was very much like "hormone day" -- came up from no where and I was literally wondering who could take care of my cat for me so I could just not be here. I'm not suicidal or anythign - but something was eating me or whatever - its completely passed as of yesterday afternoon -- but it did exist and its impact was pretty tangible to me & probably the people around me from Fri nite around 10 pm until yesterday afternoon.

Anyway -- just talk. If it means you give him some quality time or I dunno - share a jacuzzi together or whatever -- but hear him out instead of waiting for the weird moments of unexplianed snapping. There's your perception & then there's his and lots of emotions are involved in a relationship as close as you two are --- just talk.

Hope that helps & good luck!

And shit, 5 weeks away right? Walk in the park. Get more flimsy outfits for a "private" photoshoot or something the next day after the show or something that he can "look forwad to" as well, i.e. so he has a focus & can share more in the whole experience.

BTW -- startign at around 4-5 weeks is when the show gets a lot more real and a new sort of stress can start up as well because you've been operating in this weird state of existence for so long and all of a sudden there's no more wiggle room but also it is much more real.

BTW -- trip to San Diego? Helloooo... go set up an awesome nite out on the town or lounging around on the beach or something.

previously, he was carrying around a lot of "i got mega burned by my ex-wife" baggage - and has been very guarded about his feelings, up until about a year ago. (she really did do a number on him - it was bad.) we hit a relationship wall about 1.5 years ago - it was a struggle. there was only so far I could get with him emotionally. Somehow, things eased up and we really connected again - like when we first met. It's been wonderful since then, and recently he's started opening up even more. Doing sweet things for me and being very affectionate.

It's the first time he's opened up like this (I'm talking about in a good way - our relationship), and I think he feels vulnerable. the slightest change it what I do or how we interract together has a big impact on him lately. I don't want to lose all this new (for lack of a better phrase) "wonderfulness" lol that we've discovered. I really do not want the old "guarded" jeff back. I've been chipping away at that armour for years! gawdam, I'm patient. I love him, tho - and he's worth it.

So - the freaking out this morning caused me to freak out and we just wound up yelling at each other. not good. But rather than storming out, we settled down a little and really talked. a little. I know we'll discuss this tonight - so I'm trying to figure out if any of the things he said really mean anything, or if he was just lashing out irrationally. I did tell him this morning that I didn't like being threatened - "...please don't say things like that if you don't mean them, because it messes with my head and my heart." I believe that's what I said word for word.

I have to go paint now. I'll catch up with this in a few hours.

thanks, Sass.

 

[Sassy69]

Life is weird enough as it is, then throw in a competition and it gets even weirder like in ways you never thought possible. Like they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Its true - but its quite a journey to get there...

Sounds like you're on the right track though.

 

[superqt4u2nv]

Aww Shorty relationship around competition time very hard. ((((HUGS)))) Everything you have ever said about Jeff seems to be reasonable guy I am sure you guys can talk it out for sure. Often very heated things are said when fighting it is hard so don't take he words to heart to much I am sure it was said in the moment only. As for the sleeping thing he could try those nose strips things and you could try ear plugs.

 

[musclemom]

My hubby is a snorer ... I've learned to sleep with earplugs but sometimes he gets on a roll and even my 39 Db earplugs don't do it so I've bailed out of bed. However, I'm lucky, mine just gets guilt ridden because he knows that sleeping on the futon tears my neck and back up. One thing to keep in mind, if Jeff's snoring, he might not sleeping as well, himself. It's common for people who snore to have apnea and if he has apnea, he's sleep deprived. That will make people nuts. As to why he started snoring, if he's using any "supplements" that could affect his sleep patterns. Even building up muscle or increased throat size (or even vocal cord size) could affect this stuff. How to get him off your back about leaving the bed? Well, you could get a tape recorder and tape him snoring ... then you play it back for him, making sure it's about as loud as you hear it. You could try the passive aggressve approach, which is elbow/nudge/jiggle/call name or otherwise WAKE the snorer up in mid snore. Tell them "Honey, you were snoring and you woke me up, so I wanted to share." If their snoring keeps THEM awake, too, they will eventually get over your leaving the bed and in fact will be happy to have the uninterrupted rest.

Okay, my armchair psychiatrist take on men ... when you start chipping away at their walls the good stuff comes to the surface, but all sorts of other bottled up garbage comes out, too. Those things he said to you ... sounds like it might be a bit of transferrence. I'll lay you odds at least some of those feelings are things he's haunted by from previous relationship(s). Combine that with the fact that your body is changing, and he's even said it himself, you look terrific, it can be very threatening, plus you just bought another house, all that stuff is stress (combined with the competition prep).

Sounds like he's feeling very threatened and when men feel threatened they lash out. Then they cool off and realize what they did, and they usually feel stupid. They would love to take it all back and fix it, but their egos make it tough to apologize, plus they're afraid you're going to hollar at them (and this time they know you'll be completely justified), and then they feel even more threatened because now they're afraid that you'll be so pissed at them that you really may leave because they realize they're being unreasonable jackasses. Sometimes in this situation they sort of go for broke and start saying LOTS of pissed off, stupid things. Logical thought has completely gone out the window by this time. They're just scared and angry and frustrated, as much with themselves as with you.

'Course I could always be wrong, I don't even know the guy ... just going by personal experience.

Okay, I've been with my husband 13 years now, he STILL expects me to do some of the same shit his ex wives did when I'm pissed. I'm not at all like them, and I've NEVER done any of those things, but he still, in the back of his mind, expects it, and it churns up some very old fears for him.

IMO, whenever you get into an argument with your s/o he's not just fighting with you, he's fighting with every other woman he's ever been involved with.

 

[velvett]

How are you guys doing Shorty?