I wish I were dead!

[NoDaddyNo]

Most people say things like "I wish I were dead" when really bad things are happening to them. They didn't have the foresight to avoid the situation at hand, but they do understand that what is ahead of them is going to suck so badly that they would rather be dead than endure it.

But I'm not like that - I wish I were dead for a much better reason.

For all my adult life, I've told people around me that when I do die, I want to be cremated and then have my ashes spread into the blue cheese dressing at the salad bar of some arbitrary Denny's somewhere in the south.
Sure, it is against some health code, but it will allow someone a bit of adventure in trying to pull it off, and then I would live on in body, if not in spirt, via the intestines of someone very likely overweight and dumb, saddled with a lackluster future and a hefty mortgage.
It was something that I could always grasp on to if I needed a pick me up and there was no vodka nearby.

But as of a few minutes ago, all of that changed.

A few minutes ago I found this picture:

My new desire in life, my goal, my hope, my dream if you will - it is to die and be buried in that costume. I still haven't decided if I would rather be crammed into a regular sized coffin, or if I will demand that a large fruit basket sized monstrosity will be specially commissioned for me to spend eternity in - dressed to the nines.

I would of course demand an open casket funeral as well. I might even ask that people going by hit me as hard as they can - hell, won't bother me.

I can't wait to die.

 

[NoDaddyNo]

don't be sad, scrappy

You obviously didn't read any of that you illiterate dumbfuck.

 

[ajtomasi]

don't be sad, scrappy

 

[NoDaddyNo]

i always pictured you wanting to die in a chippendales outfit with a perm.

Well, I don't know how much of an "outfit" that really is - but you are right, I would fucking love to die in one of those.
But I want to be buried in that banana deal.

As for perm, like the guy in Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels that is one of the men assigned to steal the antique shotguns in the beginning - I would love hair so big and poofy.
I would pet myself all day - but up there, where it is soft and wonderful, instead of down here where its warm and sweaty.

 

[Lao Tzu]

i always pictured you wanting to die in a chippendales outfit with a perm.

 

[NoDaddyNo]

yeah i read that you were sad and wanted to suck my dick and i already told you no, but you kept on insisting. so i had no choice but to pull my pants down and insert my flacid penis into your warm watery mouth. at that point your mood changed and the sun rose in your dark world and life started to mean something again. unfortunatly the joy you experienced sent a shockwave through your system then in turn caused you to bite down on my poor weenie. consumed in pain i quickly grabbed the closest thing to me which was a frying pan and smashed you over the head with it. dazzed and bleeding you begged for me to hit you again. suddenly arroused i whipped you around and proceeded to fuck you in the ass while i choked you from behind with a leather strap i found in your mom's underwear drawer.

That started off really poorly written, but then I saw "flaccid" in there and I thought we might actually be on to something.

By the end though you totally gave yourself away. Hey Dad - how's the car?

 

[Lao Tzu]

and then I would live on in body, if not in spirt, via the intestines of someone very likely overweight and dumb, saddled with a lackluster future and a hefty mortgage.

and a wife that you divorce and kids that don't call after they turn 22 and a used SUV.

 

[Stryc-9]

There are several options here...

Ways For Banana Man to Make his Final Exit

 

[ajtomasi]

You obviously didn't read any of that you illiterate dumbfuck.

yeah i read that you were sad and wanted to suck my dick and i already told you no, but you kept on insisting. so i had no choice but to pull my pants down and insert my flacid penis into your warm watery mouth. at that point your mood changed and the sun rose in your dark world and life started to mean something again. unfortunatly the joy you experienced sent a shockwave through your system then in turn caused you to bite down on my poor weenie. consumed in pain i quickly grabbed the closest thing to me which was a frying pan and smashed you over the head with it. dazzed and bleeding you begged for me to hit you again. suddenly arroused i whipped you around and proceeded to fuck you in the ass while i choked you from behind with a leather strap i found in your mom's underwear drawer.

 

[TheProject]

There was a guy at Hallmark that wore that costume for Halloween. He wasn't dead though.