... long story short... she hasn't changed at all... all the reasons i left her and she is so much fucking worse now. Physically and mentally abusive.
....She got crazy and chucked a full giant bottle of belevedere at me... it shattered everywhere. I had her arrested and she got in a fight with the cops....
It sucks when you legitimately love someone, have been with them for 1.5 years and made them do the therapy / support / rehab , and be there for them......
...and it doesn't matter, they are still the same.
My biggest problem is.... i should have left her after 2 mths of dating her.... she punched me and snapped my cell phone in half.... but i chose to stay with her. She is Medically Diagnosed Bi-Polar.... so 1/2 the time she is perfect and i want to marry her.... the other time's.. whenever anything upsets her... i mean anything
I could accidentally get pepporoni on a pizza for example.... if anything upsets her,,, she get's bi-polar and crazy and mean, and abusive.....
But then she does the i love you, cries to me, apologiezes, acts like that perfect fucking holy shit i want you to be the mother of my children woman..... agrees to go on meds and get medical help..... but she never changed dude. ....it's a never ending cycle.
It's only worse now, because she knows i cheated on her with some girls. So she was constantly throwing those girls in my face, and starting horrible needless drama.
I know that sounds bad, but i'm not the cheating guy....i'm not. I never thought i was capable of doing that. Jen just broke me down so much mentally.... put me through so much up and downs.... I wanna marry you... i want you to fucking die.
....that i turned to other women to make me feel loved..... to fucking have someone be nice to me and make me feel good... during those times where jen was out of control abusive...
Anyways... i pray to god I'm strong enough to not let her back this time......it's my biggest weakness dude.. I'm just too weak of a person and too forgiving to not let her back.... and hell I am in love with her.... I could marry her most of the time....... I gotta be strong dude.
-this belevedere bottle shit is nothing. She has done so many worse things. Ie) pulling the keys of my moving. truck while i was doing 45 mph, cuz she wanted to go home........and so many more examples...I have called the police on her now 5 times.
Why can't i just let her out of my life? Why do i have to be in love with her? I hate it........and it's not the fear of being lonely. I'm a good looking fucking bartender, who gets attractive women throwing themselves at me every weekend..... but it doesn't fucking matter. I broke up with her, i dated other girls... didn't matter they " weren't jen ".....maybe i just need to completely ex her out of my life, and eventually I'll fall out of love with her or find someone that does it for me...I don't fucking know. I still want Jen. I'm fucking crazy dude and I gotta go to therapy or something.
--- that's whats on my mind
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