Please help

[romolab]

My fiancee is 49 and has no sex drive, low energy and vaginal dryness. I have told her she has low test and needs to see her Dr. I suffer from the same, except the vaginal issue, and am on HRT. She thinkss she is normal and won't even discuss the issue further and certainly not with her Dr. What can I do? She is a great woman and we have fun but there is no romance or sex and when there is she wants to get is over as soon as possible. When I ask her about she says she loves the sex we have but just doesn't need or want more, once every 2 weeks is fine with her. Holding hands is the extent of it and kissing is a rarity.
Our walks get shorter and shorter as her energy seems to get less and less and she won't hit the gym with me.
HELP!

 

[Tatyana]

There are other reasons besides sex drive for a woman to take HRT, including cardiovascular and bone health.

Have you asked hwr what her concerns about HRT are?

I know my mum won't entertain the idea as she thinks there is a cancer risk.

 

[romolab]

She doesn't think anything is wrong with her. Her bones are fine as is her general health except she doesn't have the energy she used to and has put on about 10 pounds. She says she likes sex but just doesn't desire it. I have asked her if she wants someone else and she says she loves me and not to take it personally. She has never been a liar or a cheat so it isn't about another person. I am concerned that it will effect us if it worsens and she gets to where she doesn't want sex at all. thank you

 

[Tatyana]

She doesn't think anything is wrong with her. Her bones are fine as is her general health except she doesn't have the energy she used to and has put on about 10 pounds. She says she likes sex but just doesn't desire it. I have asked her if she wants someone else and she says she loves me and not to take it personally. She has never been a liar or a cheat so it isn't about another person. I am concerned that it will effect us if it worsens and she gets to where she doesn't want sex at all. thank you

There isn't anything wrong with her, and this may be a part of the issue that she has.

How does she know her bones are ok? Has she had a DEXA scan?

Both the bone and heart health are preventative, they are not curative.

I think that asking other questions may help, like what are her objections to HRT, what does she think that it means that you want her to take it.

 

[romolab]

I don't know definitively about her heart and bones. She says she feels fine and doesn't like taking meds or depending on anything. She is stubborn and thinks that she is just a female who doesn't need sex excpet to keep me happy. If I was to suggest tests for anything she will just think I am being silly and she is fine. She thinks if there is nothing wrong then don't fix it. She definitely needs certain preventive exams but doesn't go to the Dr if nothing is wrong yet she tells me when I need to go and what I need to have checked. I have thorough blood work twice/year yet she won't at all. No mammogram, etc only regular female check up and that is so she can get her bc pills which she only takes to keep her period regular.

 

[Thandie]

I don't know definitively about her heart and bones. She says she feels fine and doesn't like taking meds or depending on anything. She is stubborn and thinks that she is just a female who doesn't need sex excpet to keep me happy. If I was to suggest tests for anything she will just think I am being silly and she is fine. She thinks if there is nothing wrong then don't fix it. She definitely needs certain preventive exams but doesn't go to the Dr if nothing is wrong yet she tells me when I need to go and what I need to have checked. I have thorough blood work twice/year yet she won't at all. No mammogram, etc only regular female check up and that is so she can get her bc pills which she only takes to keep her period regular.

It seems she needs to see a Dr. regarding her hormones. I understand you can not force her to do that, but there are many health related risks she might have as a result. If she's concern about hormome replacement therapy and cancer, she can take natural hormones (Bioidentical Hormones)
Please read the thread "Perimenopause/Menopause" Here in the womens section and educate yourself and her on this topic.

 

[Bikini Mod]

WOW! I don't understand the mentality that "if it ain't broke then I won't fix it 'cause the cure might ACTUALLY fix me." You are in a very difficult position because you love this woman ASIDE the sex and to try and paint it otherwise seems to put you in the light that that is ALL you want. I am near 41 and the changes my body has gone through in the last two years have been unbelievably subtle but now two years later it is like a landslide and I am thinkin, "Why THE HELL do I need to accept and suffer if medicine has discovered ways for me to improve the QUALITY OF MY LIFE?!" Why must we be so stubborn by viewing medicine as merely something that improves the QUANTITY of life? Hell, if it weren't for medicine I would never have had a single child, let alone four. So why then would I ignore medicine when I am at the foothill of perimenopause? Would I also ignore medicine if I had cancer or diabetes or high blood pressure?

... makes no sense to me.

I hope there is some way that you can help your lady to see that you love ALL of her and you want her around you HAPPY and HEALTHY for a long, long time.

 

[Tatyana]

I don't know definitively about her heart and bones. She says she feels fine and doesn't like taking meds or depending on anything.

I can understand not wanting to be on meds for life, but she is on birth control pills.


She is stubborn and thinks that she is just a female who doesn't need sex excpet to keep me happy. If I was to suggest tests for anything she will just think I am being silly and she is fine. She thinks if there is nothing wrong then don't fix it.
Everything need maintainance otherwise it breaks down. That is like saying don't take your car in for a service if it is running well, we all know that it will break down.


She definitely needs certain preventive exams but doesn't go to the Dr if nothing is wrong yet she tells me when I need to go and what I need to have checked. I have thorough blood work twice/year yet she won't at all. No mammogram, etc only regular female check up and that is so she can get her bc pills which she only takes to keep her period regular.

I hope she is getting cervical smears, if that is a part of regular female check up???

In all honesty, it sounds like there is a bit of fear/denial about aging and how she is going to change as a woman.

I think women have to deal with menopause not only physically, but mentally.

It does sound like she cares deeply for you, so if you explain how you need her to be active, vibrant and well, what it means to you, she may oblige.