Please Help a insecure woman

[mrstamiina]

She s looking for a therapist for next year.

She started lifting weights and working out properly.

I think she s eating better. Just so this isnt a short term effect, Ill make sure she gets proper help.

 

[Raina]

For me, refocusing my compulsions towards diet/exercise towards weight lifting and eating clean saved me. I'm still little but I'm 30+ pounds heavier than I was a few years ago. And now that my wrist is completely healed up and not bothering me I'm excited to grow in this upcoming year.

I'm glad to hear that she's looking into help. Hopefully she can feed that negative energy into her training and grow emotionally and physically stronger over time.

 

[kentm]

I am so sorry that your girlfriend has a serious eating disorder. All the symptoms are there: seeing herself fatter than she is, dieting incessently, too much aerobic exercise.

The only way to deal with it is for her to seek professional help with someone specializing in counselling for eating disorders. This is a serious disorder and has a better prognosis if she gets help sooner rather than later. Iif she refuses help, move on or you will be swept up into the problem. Good for you to recognize the problem and ask for help yourself!

 

[Sassy69]

She s looking for a therapist for next year.

She started lifting weights and working out properly.

I think she s eating better. Just so this isnt a short term effect, Ill make sure she gets proper help.

That was a great update to hear! (New Year's Resolutions!!) Give your g/f our best wishes and congrats on her positive efforts. Best of luck going forward!

 

[goddesseve]

I think she likes nasty skinny, flat chested no ass runway models.

She doesn't relize that most of them starve them selves or its natrual. Or alot of coke and xtc.

Has any of you run into this problem before, either with yourself or somebody you know?

Help please..

Wow. This all sounds too familiar. Your girlfriend seriously needs help. I used to be one of those nasty skinny models. At my lowest weight a year ago I weighed in at 100lbs @5'4. I was trying to make up for my (lack of) height by dropping weight. I found CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) best for 'reprogramming' my thoughts. She needs to learn self-esteem etc. To learn to value herself independently of her physique. It'll take time tho - 28years of self-destructive thoughts wont disappear in just a few sessions. Since then I've put on more than 30lbs post-vacation. It sounds crazy but back then I would have seriously killed myself if I weighed over 120. Seriously.

After reading all the girls' posts Ive realized that I want to become a fitness model. To be empowered with reshaping my body in a positive way - healthily, rather than starving it to anorexia & bulimia again. Im in absolute awe of the girls on the board with muscle, shape, determination. Wend, Jenscat, Raina, girls - your posts have been inspirational.

MrStamiina: approach your gf with patience, for a longterm solution therapy is the best option, its great to hear that she's looking for a therapist herself & she's eating well etc. - good luck, feel free to PM me if your gf needs anything. xo

 

[mrstamiina]

"The Beauty Myth" is an excellent book. "My mother myself" is also very good as it can help you examine how you became so insecure. Negative self worth like she has can be very destructive. I've had a very low self esteem in the past & it can be very hard to get over.

I read a couple pages of The Beauty Myth and I could be wrong but it looked like alot of man bashing. Very pro feminest.

I don't want her to hate men...

Please tell me I'm wrong and what makes this book different from other self help books for woman.

 

[wend]

It's not really male bashing, it's more media bashing than anything else. In fact, she even discusses how anorexia is on the rise in young men who are also being affected by the images of overly thin or cut young men on TV and in fashion mags.

And btw, one can be a feminist without hating men. I'm a feminist (NOT a femi-nazi, which is a different thing), and I love my husband and my son and my brother and my father (may he rest in peace). I even love some things about men in general, like the way y'all have soft hearts but pretend not to.

I also recognize that many men are dismissive of women, that many men objectify women (like the way some of y'all on this board call obese women "fatties" and seem to think that they deserve less than humane treatment, or the way some of you assess a woman on the shape of her breasts or ass rather than the content of her character), and that many men are threatened by an assertive, intelligent female. This doesn't mean I hate men, just that I recognize that there's a long way to go in the relationships between men and women in our culture (though not as far as in other cultures, of course). To deny that women have gotten (and continue to get) a raw deal is just buttheaded. The Beauty Myth is an attempt to describe (for the sake of changing attitudes and helping those who need it) how that raw deal has played out for women in terms of body-image.

It won't make her hate you. But it might help her love herself.

 

[Pamela]

One thing you must remember "You can't make her better"!
It has to come from within her.

Just let her know you are there if she needs you..

 

[jenscats5]

I read a couple pages of The Beauty Myth and I could be wrong but it looked like alot of man bashing. Very pro feminest.

I don't want her to hate men...

Please tell me I'm wrong and what makes this book different from other self help books for woman.

I didn't consider it to be "men bashing" either but I also think it depends on the person who reads it & how they choose to take it. Society & the media (mostly ruled by men so I could see why you think that) have largely been responsible for how women think of themselves & the value placed on their identity in relation to looks. Also, how this affects upbringing by their mothers based on how the moms were taught.

To me, it's more of a liberating concept as once you realize where the pressure to look a certain way is coming from, it can be freeing. Once you realize that it's society that expects this of you, then you can choose to accept it or not.

Women & men are different & are supposed to be & we should celebrate & appreciate & love those differences.

Ok I'm done rambling......LOL

 

[mrstamiina]

I didn't consider it to be "men bashing" either but I also think it depends on the person who reads it & how they choose to take it. Society & the media (mostly ruled by men so I could see why you think that) have largely been responsible for how women think of themselves & the value placed on their identity in relation to looks. Also, how this affects upbringing by their mothers based on how the moms were taught.

To me, it's more of a liberating concept as once you realize where the pressure to look a certain way is coming from, it can be freeing. Once you realize that it's society that expects this of you, then you can choose to accept it or not.

Women & men are different & are supposed to be & we should celebrate & appreciate & love those differences.

Ok I'm done rambling......LOL

But,

I would think all women know Society & the media is the cause of it. The problem is women agree with what media and society tells them.
right??