No libido for you , one year.

[grlpwrd]

I know this has been written about before but I want to bring it up again. I am troubled because my wife and I no longer have sex. We do not have kids. We are both 27. We may have sex once a month or sometimes not at all that month. Time is not an issue either. We are both in good shape and excercise regularly and eat healthy except for the carb up on the weekend. We have discussed it many times and I always get the ;'it's just me I don't feel like it.' We have seen the doc, got counseling. She is not on birth control. I am very caring and very romantic and always give her massages and cook her nice meals and tell her how beautiful she is. When we do have sex, it feels like a chore. <vent> What the hell is the deal? If I hear that damned 'talk it out' thing one more time I am going to kill someone. From what I hear from most of you is that you have sex regularly, or at least once every 2 weeks so you have no idea what I go through. Hell, I stated taking Avant's ONE just to curb my sex drive so it wouldn't bother me so much. This post may seem harsh or callous, but I at my wits end here. </vent>

I am not a licensed professional, but I have 7 years of psychology so this is what I am thinking....

Was she like this before you were married? Maybe it's just the way she is. Some people can go without as if they are monks.

Has she been a victim of sexual abuse? Some victims internalize their pain and displace their emotions in their other relationships. Maybe she has issues that need to be resolved and maybe she's not telling you.

How long have you been married? She could just be in a slump because stresses and a woman's daily life can lower their libido especially if they have a demanding career/boss.

I would say to see another professional, preferably a sex therapist. I know you said don't say it , but you need a specialist. I could see the possibility that she is having an affair or you may end up being fed up and having an affair to fulfill your needs. Just don't give up..find a therapist to help both of you and get some mediation.

Good luck!

 

[kag729]

Thanks for all the advice, I will take everything into consideration. Hopefully we can discuss this this weekend!

 

[kag729]

Also BikiniMom, I checked out your site and you have a super physique. Kudos to your hard work.

 

[Zerxes]

Granted, I didn't read this entire Thread but I did get the jist of it and the part where you say that "she is so matter of fact" about saying that she "isn't in the mood", makes me feel like sex just isn't that big of deal to her and that being the case, I seriously doubt that she could EVER empathize that it is to you brother. I feel that given her attitude in general towards sex, that there is NO WAY that she is going to go get any help, or take any pills or whatever, because she simply doesn't give the act of you two making love much credence as far as what is important to HER in your marriage. She sounds like a very selfish woman to me quite frankly. I have wasted years of my life with a girl like that once also, and I regret it to this day!! I tried everything brother, but she just didn't care anything about my sexual needs to even try to make our love making any more passionate. She hated sex from behind, she hated it on top, she hated giving head...SHE WOULDN'T even try!! She was the perfect girl as far as her personality went, but she was about as exciting as Sunday morning television when it came to sex. To me brother, SEX & TRUST are the two most important components in any relationship, and when I feel like one of the two components, or both, are missing or lacking, it is time to consider bailing. Especially when the other person is unwilling to make any effort to satisfy your needs, or even meet you half-way for that matter. On the flip-side of that coin, I have been with Women who understood FULLY, my sexual needs, and would be more than willing to jerk me off all over her titties, or give me oral so that I would be satisfied if she weren't in the mood at the time. I say, if you feel anything I said here applies to your situation, you should seriously consider losing her, before you lose your mind. Either that or get yourself some side action. Then you would be the one in the wrong though, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Good luck either way pal.

 

[Spartacus]

I'm with zerxes on this..I don't think she is cheating on you,because if she was then that would mean she has an interest in sex and she would at least accomodate you to some extent to "cover herself"..if you two don't have any children then I'd get out if I were you..even if you love her a lot..you will get over it over time..esp. when you start to get some real action..also with all the new stuff out such as viagra and cialis,you can be sexually proficient for a long time..I couldn't imagine getting old with someone celibate

 

[SirMack]

Re: Re: No libido for you , one year.

I am not a licensed professional, but I have 7 years of psychology so this is what I am thinking....

Was she like this before you were married? Maybe it's just the way she is. Some people can go without as if they are monks.

Has she been a victim of sexual abuse? Some victims internalize their pain and displace their emotions in their other relationships. Maybe she has issues that need to be resolved and maybe she's not telling you.

How long have you been married? She could just be in a slump because stresses and a woman's daily life can lower their libido especially if they have a demanding career/boss.

I would say to see another professional, preferably a sex therapist. I know you said don't say it , but you need a specialist. I could see the possibility that she is having an affair or you may end up being fed up and having an affair to fulfill your needs. Just don't give up..find a therapist to help both of you and get some mediation.

Good luck!

I have a weird problem, really the opposite. my GF wants me all the time and begs me for sex. But she is rarely ever wet from the start and takes at least 30 min of foreplay before she is ready. Also, in the 2 years I"ve been with her she has never allowed me to take her to orgasm. And yes, she has been molested when she was younger.

any thoughts on that???

 

[TEXgrl]

Re: Re: Re: No libido for you , one year.

I have a weird problem, really the opposite. my GF wants me all the time and begs me for sex. But she is rarely ever wet from the start and takes at least 30 min of foreplay before she is ready. Also, in the 2 years I"ve been with her she has never allowed me to take her to orgasm. And yes, she has been molested when she was younger.

any thoughts on that???

she's probably equating sex with love, or being liked.

some girls just don't get super wet anyway, buy some lube! the orgasm question, i don't know how to answer, can she get herself off? have her do it and show you. lots of girls cant get off without direct stimultation to the clit.

 

[SirMack]

Re: Re: Re: Re: No libido for you , one year.

she's probably equating sex with love, or being liked.

some girls just don't get super wet anyway, buy some lube! the orgasm question, i don't know how to answer, can she get herself off? have her do it and show you. lots of girls cant get off without direct stimultation to the clit.

Its not really like she can't get off, I think its more like she won't. Also, she hates LUBE, and we've tried every type, and insists on using the good ole natural stuff (I wonder why? she probably loves the hours of foreplay, lol).

Also, she doesn't masturbate, never has, and won't start. In regards to equating sex with love, she has had about 4 other boyfriends before me and I am the first one she has even gotten remotely sexual with. She never even let a boy touch her breast before until me. WHich she said was weird for her to experience sexual desires when she first met me, since it was never a big issue in her life.

Thoughts?

 

[Bikini Mod]

*blush*

Thank you kag... and for your sake I sincerely hope that I am WAY OFF! It never ever makes me happy to see other people NOT happy.

 

[TC2]

No female problems.
As far as I know she is happy with me. She like to spend time with me and cuddle a lot. Everything but the big 'S' is just fine.

Thats just bullshit, some women are just like that no matter what you do and for no reason.

I don't give a fuck if she's not in the mood, you CAN'T negelect a spouse like this.

She sounds really selfish, belive me I have friends in the same situation as you. And they are fuckin miserable and feel like they have wasted their youth.

I honestly dont understand why women think that they can pull this shit and expect you to just deal with it.