Swinger lifestyle can it Last long term ???

[rediculus]

Why people swing? If you love yourself 100% you have no need to find physical satisfaction with someone other than the person you are in love with. I know it's not a popular view. But psychologically it is simply damaging and the people that typically want to engage in it..Are typically a little "damaged goods" themselves.

Love, loyalty and trust cannot be shared. It goes to 1 person I agree with you guys 100%.

 

[Colonel Ingus]

... and the people that typically want to engage in it..Are typically a little "damaged goods" themselves.

I intentionally avoided this assesment, but I tend to agree to a certian degree. I have found that these people are searching for something to fill a void in themselves, and that applied to me on occasions as well. Whether one does it to rebuild your feelings of desireibility to the opposite sex, or to show off your ability to perform in bed, there is also some deeper itch that gets scratched by this kind of activity.

I have a special person that kind of dabbled with this for a while, and she seemed to very much enjoy the submissive parts of it, but she was able to use that to maintain a distance too. I'm finding that I have a hard time with her continuing contact with a few of her "friends", and although she tells me that she isn't interested in that kind of activity with them anymore, it really rocks my confidence with her. That's probably more about me than her, but it causes me a lot of anguish. For whatever reason, this one is not just another FWB or whatever the cool new phrase is for that. I have much deeper feelings, and they drive me to pull her away from those guys from her past. Sometimes it feels better than anything I've ever had before, and others it's like a living hell, and I feel like I'm the fool. Sometimes I wish I never knew about any of her past, but her openness and willingness to experiment are a big part of what attracted me in the first place. I've dropped all others for her, but my gut tells me that although she's been with only me for a while, her heart hasn't given itself to monogamy yet. Not sure it ever will, and that's what is so hard.

 

[Chrisco915]

brandilove.com

I love watching her swing.......LOL.

 

[Colonel Ingus]

If she has committed to you then there should be NO NEED for her to keep in contact with men that she had sex with in the past. Ex's are Ex's for a reason, especially if those guys were just part of an "experimental process".

If it really REALLY messes with your head then you need to talk to her about it. If she can't understand that her continued contact with these men is really hurting you then guess what? She does not care for you the way that you care for her and then you should question why you are squandering your affection on a woman that clearly doesn't deserve it.

Her deal is that she has morphed these relationships from physical into more of a platonic thing, and that after all she has been through, and all that she has dealt with in her life, she isn't going to let me "smother" her by pulling her away from them. Thing is, I'm a guy too, and I know the game because I've played it too. If you are a nice guy, and keep on good terms, then eventually they come back. In my heart I want to believe that she's moving away from them slowly, but my gut tells me different.

I have indisputible proof that she reached out to a past partner a couple weeks after I asked her that we make things exclusive between us, but I haven't confronted her with that yet because it also proves that I am, in fact, watching her like a hawk. Tears me apart sometimes, but the heart wants what the heart wants. I'm telling myself it was a moment of weakness, but if she has that many options always available to her, eventually something will happen. And yes, my own insecurity plays a huge role here.

 

[Colonel Ingus]

You don't know how much I fear that deep down one day he will want to swing again.

I'm right there with ya baby. For whatever reason, this girl has got my number. The trick is to not get too nuts and overprotective about her. And believe me, I'm a confident and secure person on the whole, but I just feel like I'm powerless here. Part of me thinks that I should have broken this off a long time ago, but the other side sees the possibility to live my dream, happily ever after. Right now I'm just going with the thought that in 2 years, I'll have wanted to know that I gave this every opportunity to work before walking away. I hope that I never am in that place looking back though.

BTW, I'm 49, and have had more than a few years of experience myself. I could make a few phone calls and go right back to having a few partners to occupy my time, but that isn't what I want. I want the old-school, one-on-one, me and her deal.....but I want HER to want that too.

OK, enough whining for now. But thanks for your thoughts on this.

 

[rediculus]

I just feel like I'm powerless here. Part of me thinks that I should have broken this off a long time ago, but the other side sees the possibility to live my dream, happily ever after.

If telling her that doesn't correct the situation.

Boil her in oil she's not worth your time. Granted that's easier for me to say than for you..But that statement is pretty fuckin powerful man.