My Bipolar Disorder Story: 1943-2009

[RonPrice]

Those with mental illness have a special problem in the fitness area. Here is instalment #1 of my story....if readers here want more of my story they need only ask.-Ron Price, Tasmania
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AN ACCOUNT OF MY BIPOLAR DISORDER

A 66 YEAR CONTEXT: October 1943 To October 2009

BY

RON PRICE: George Town Tasmania Australia
(87 Pages: Font 14—33,000 words)

1. Preamble and Introduction:

1.1 This is a longitudinal, retrospective account going back to my conception in October 1943. I make reference to a genetic predisposition, a genetic susceptibility, to bipolar disorder(BPD) due to a family history of affective disorder in a first-degree relative, my mother(1904-1978). She had a mild case of what may very well have been BPD, at least I have come to think of her mood swings as falling into the BPD spectrum during her 75 year life. Her mood-swing disability was never given the formal medical diagnosis, BPD. About half of all patients with BPD have one parent who also has a mood disorder. There is, therefore, a clinical significance in my mother’s mood disorder in the diagnosis of my own BPD.

1.2 The high heritability of BPD has been well documented through familial incidence, twin, and adoption studies. There is an unquestionable justification for the inclusion of my family in the understanding of my BPD. No specific gene has yet been identified as the one "bipolar gene." It appears likely that BPD is caused by the presence of multiple genes conferring susceptibility to BPD when combined with psychosocial stressors. I make this point as an opening remark and pass on to my story.

1.3 My account also provides a statement of my most recent experiences in the last two years, 2007-2009, with manic-depression(MD) or BPD as it has come to be called since 1980. Some prospective analysis of my illness is also included with the view to assessing potential long-term strategies, appropriate lifestyle choices and activities in which to engage in the years ahead in the middle years(65-75) of my late adulthood(60-80) and old age(80++), if I last that long. For the most part, though, this account, this statement I have written here in some 33,000 words is an outline, a description, of this partially genetic-family-based-predisposed illness and my experience with it throughout my life.

1.4 Some of the personal context for this illness over the lifespan in my private and public life, in the relationships with my family of birth and my two families of marriage, in my employment life and now in my retirement are discussed in this document. I include some of what seems to me my major and relevant: (a) personal circumstances as they relate to my values, beliefs and attitudes on the one hand--what some might call my religion as defined in a broad sense; (b) family circumstances; for example, my parents’ life and my wife’s illness; (c) employment circumstances involving as they did: (i) stress, (ii) movement from place to place and (iii) my sense of identity and meaning; (d) a range of other aspects of my day-to-day life and their wider socio-historical setting and (e) some details on other aspects of my medical condition to help provide a wider context for this BPD in the last two years.

1.5 This lengthy account will hopefully provide mental health sufferers, clients or consumers, as they are now variously called these days, with: (i) a more adequate information base to make some comparisons and contrasts with their own situation, their own predicament whatever it may be, (ii) some helpful general knowledge and understanding and (iii) some useful techniques in assisting them to cope with and sort out problems associated with their particular form of mental illness or some other traumatized disorder that affects their body, their spirit, their soul and their everyday life.

1.6 This document was originally written in 2001 to assist others in assessing my suitability for: (a) employment, (b) for a disability pension of some kind and/or (c) a volunteer public or private office. This document is no longer needed for these reasons since I am fully retired from FT, Pt and casual work and am on two old age pensions. Although this document no longer serves the purpose of helping others to make the evaluations it did eight years ago in 2001 and make their decisions informed ones; although there is no need for others to assess my capacity or incapacity to take on some task or responsibility, I have kept this original general statement, what was a first edition in 2001 and have extended it to what is now a 7th edition eight years later for other purposes.

1.7 Many do not feel comfortable going to doctors, to psychologists, to clinical psychologists and, more especially, to psychiatrists. Perhaps this is part of a general distrust of certain professional fields in our world today. Perhaps it is part of a general public being more critical. Others do seek help; still others try to work things out themselves and there are, of course, various combinations of those who try, those who have given up and those who go back and forth between the two poles of trying and not trying to sort out their disorder. Many often find the journey through the corridors of mental health problems so complex, such a labyrinth, that they give up in despair. Suicide is common among the group I refer to here—the sufferers from BPD and I could include depression(D) as well as a range of other illnesses and life battles of a traumatic nature. This account may help such people obtain appropriate treatment and, as a result, dramatically improve their quality of life. I think, too, that this essay of more than 33,000 words and eighty-six A-4 pages(font 14) is part of: (a) my own small part in reducing the damaging stigma associated with BPD and (b) what might be termed “my coming out.”
-------------------INSTALMENT #2-----IF INTEREST SHOWN------------

 

[ghostwipe]

If you're still around, I'm interested in reading part 2.

 

[RonPrice]

I tried to post more but was told my post had links---when it didn't...I'll try again.-Ron
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1.8 This lengthy account will hopefully provide mental health sufferers, clients or consumers, as they are now variously called these days, with: (i) a more adequate information base to make some comparisons and contrasts with their own situation, their own predicament, whatever it may be, (ii) some helpful general knowledge and understanding, (iii) some useful techniques in assisting them to cope with and sort out problems associated with their particular form of mental health[1] problem or some other traumatized disorder that affects their body, their spirit, their soul and their everyday life and (iv) some detailed instructions on how to manage their lives more successfully despite the negative consequences of their BPD or whatever trauma or illness affects their lives.

1.9 I like to think that what has become over the last few years this book of 150 pages has advice that could be used by many people with BPD as well as others without BPD. Keeping detailed records, for example, written or mnemonic, ingrained in memory and/or with signs for immediate recall when required--of one’s feelings and relationships and, in the process, taking responsibility for maintaining and improving them, might help BPD sufferers and others deal with their problems and have more successful lives. As for the meaning of successful, I prefer Thoreau's evocative lines: "If the day and the night are such that you greet them with joy and life emits a fragrance like flowers and sweet-scented herbs; if life is more elastic, more starry and more immortal in the process--that is your success." Even ‘Abdu’l-Bahá’s ‘oft repeated phrase: “Be Happy!” is a simple enough aphorism and yardstick for measuring your daily life, your sense of well-being and the extent to which you are well-oriented and well-positioned to assume the responsibilities that are the result of your interests and commitments. Of course, in using such definitions of ‘success’ like this, one must recognize that millions of people without mental health issues don’t have success defined in these terms. Finally, success and happiness are highly idiosyncratic terms and how each person sees them, defines them and experiences them are their own--even if there are many common threads from person to person.

1.10 There are two kinds of lists that BPD sufferers need to keep in mind in going about their daily lives in dealing with this disorder. So wrote one writer and, liking what he wrote, I include his ideashere. The first list is what you could call risk-factors that increase the chances of BPD sufferers becoming ill and/or having their symptoms dominate their daily life and produce ill-effects for themselves and others in their environment. Such socio-environmental factors as: family distress, drinking alcohol or using drugs, sleep deprivation or missing medication are in this category. A second list of what could be called protective factors help to protect people with BPD from becoming ill. They include: keeping charts of one’s moods, going to bed and getting up at the same time every day, staying on one’s programs/regimes of medication and psychotherapy and avoiding social stressors that one knows will precipitate negative symptoms of BPD.

1.11 I like to think that this account is crammed full of useful information for patients with BPD and other illnesses, for their family members, for therapists, for friends, lovers, employers and anyone else interested in this disorder. The insights I share were not acquired by reading the voluminous literature on BPD, although I have taken a serious intellectual interest in the subject in the last decade since I retired from FT employment in 1999. My insights come, in the main, from reflecting on 67 years of life since my conception in October 1943. I have benefited, though, from what you might call a collective wisdom about what it means to live with BPD and other conditions, a wisdom that comes from the reflections of other writers.

1.11.1 Finding solutions to my BPD problems and telling about what works for me taps into my creative resources and it also requires investigating my own trial and error efforts to create a personally satisfying life in order to separate what works from what doesn’t work. Finding solutions and what works in one’s own life is a form of artistry that can result in highly individual and unique solutions and outcomes. I like to think that this book taps into both my own wisdom and experience and the collective wisdom of others looking for a better quality of life by writing about what has been helpful for them as sufferers with BPD or some other condition or, indeed, as a loved one or family member.

1.12 There are other psychiatric disorders often confused or associated with BPD and sufferers with BPD need to be aware of these other disorders in their diagnostic dialogue with their doctor and as they go about negotiating their lives. Differential diagnoses, as they are sometimes called, include: ADHD, schizophrenia, obsessive-compulsive personality disorder; recurrent major depressive disorder, schizo-affective disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, avoidance disorder. I have had all of these disorders except schizophrenia at one time or another in the last seven decades. Some of these disorders were officially diagnosed by a psychiatrist and some were not.

1.12.1 In one study of 60 patients with BPD, 23 (38%) fulfilled the diagnostic criteria for at least one personality disorder. Those personality disorders most commonly were: narcissistic, borderline, antisocial, avoidance disorder and obsessive-compulsive. In my case the obsessive-compulsive personality disorder(OCPD) and post-traumatic stress disorder(PTSD) have been the most dominant and especially after the age of 60. The presence of these disorders sometimes make BPD symptoms more intense and more difficult to treat and they appear to increase the risk of suicide, but not in my case. I will deal with suicidal ideation later in this statement. This account is about BPD and by a person with BPD and it only ventures into these several other psychiatric illnesses and personality disorders to a limited extent and only from time to time when it seems relevant.

1.12.2 A personality disorder is an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that: (a) deviates markedly from the expectation of the individual's culture, (b) is chronic, pervasive and inflexible, (c) affects two or more of the following areas: thoughts, emotions, interpersonal functioning and impulse control. To be considered a personality disorder the behaviour should also have an onset in adolescence or early adulthood(i.e. the years 20 to 40), be stable over time and lead to distress or impairment. Because these disorders are chronic and pervasive, they can lead to serious impairments in daily life and functioning.

1.12.3 In a list of ten basic symptoms of obsessive-compulsive personality disorder(OCPD), I possessed six symptoms rated at 5 or above on a 10 point scale in January 2010. I will not list these symptoms of OCPD here since this narrative and analysis is a focus on BPD, but readers can easily google them if they are interested. Wikipedia is an informative source for information on OCPD. To be diagnosed as having a personality disorder the pattern of behaviours must be stable across time and have an onset that can be traced back to adolescence or early adulthood. The pattern of behaviours for my OCPD has been highly diverse rather than stable over the years as far back as my childhood but has become more dominant, as I say, in my late adulthood, the years after the age of sixty on a new medication regime of an anti-depressant and a mood stabilizer which I will discuss in more detail later in this story.

1.12.3.1 Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or OCD is just as prevalent in Hollywood. Increasingly stars are admitting that they suffer from OCD. It is characterised by obsessive rituals and bizarre compulsions. From David Beckham's fridge fidgeting to Cameron Diaz's knob juggling, it certainly seems that in a world where you can't be too rich or too thin, you can be too obsessed: Cameron Diaz, Jessica Alba, Billy Bob Thornton, David Beckham, Alec Baldwin, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Leonardo Dicaprio, Paul Gascoigne, Jane Horrocks, Natalie Appleton, Fred Durst and Woody Allen.

[FONT=&quot]1.12.4 I was diagnosed with “a mild schizoaffective disorder” in the summer of 1968 and after six months in four different hospitals I was eventually released. I have also been taking the anti-depressants luvox(fluvoxamine-2001) and then effexor(venlafaxine-2007) for depression. The side effects from these anti-depressants which I have manifested in the years 2001 to 2010 are: a sedative affect, fatigue and weight gain. Less common side effects that have been manifest in my day to day life include: belching, difficult or laboured breathing, some loss of touch with reality, neck pain, vertigo and withdrawal symptoms. The effexor has helped decrease the intensity of the depressions which I had been experiencing for 20 years. The sense of relief from the intensity of depression was a source of positive energy, a wonderful injection of spirit and joy in my life. The significance of the depressed phase of bipolar disorder has been markedly underestimated. Bipolar [/FONT]
http://www.elitefitness.com/forum/#_ftnref1

 

[RonPrice]

Belated apologies, folks for taking two years to continue my story. Life is busy even when one retires from the world of jobs.-Ron
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[FONT=&quot]Account of 69 Years of My Experience With Bipolar Disorder:
A Personal-Clinical Study of A Chaos Narrative[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]by Ron Price[/FONT]​

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[FONT=&quot]This book is now a 85,000 word(160 page, font-12; 206 page, font-14) longitudinal, retrospective and prospective account of my experience with bipolar disorder and some other mental health problems over 69 years: from October 1943 to October 2012. This is a personal, clinical, and idiosyncratic study of what some life-study students call a chaos narrative. This study focuses on an aspect of my life involving several mental health issues. This account is now in the 2nd draft of its 12th edition. In my retirement, beginning in the first year of the 3rd millennium, that is 2001, I have revised the account each year.
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[/FONT][FONT=&quot]1.13 The new diagnostic term, BPD, is now found in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders-IV published by the American Psychiatric Association in 1994. DSM-III had 300 disorders twice as many as in the DSM-II. DSM-V is due for publication in 2013. The DSM is considered the bible by specialists and by the various professions and other interest groups. It is considered by many as a core/basic information source, a major scientific instrument in the field of mental health. In the DSM-IV the term maniac was deleted and the one-size-fits-all classification system for MD and BPD was more finely tuned by the 4th edition published in 1994. The exact discourse that has come to have jurisdiction in this labelling process, the circumstances that have come to result in a person given some mental illness label are due to: (a) norms and expectations as well as (b) medical, psychological, physiological and (c) most recently, neurochemical and electrical brain activity as seen in brain imaging.

1.14 This account also provides a statement of my most recent experiences with BPD in the last five years, 2007-2012. Some prospective analysis of my illness is also included with the view to assessing: potential short term, medium term and long-term strategies, appropriate lifestyle choices and activities in which to engage in the years ahead in these middle years(65-75) of late adulthood(60-80) and old age(80++), if I last that long. For the most part, though, this account, this statement I have written here in some 85,000 words, is an outline, a description, of this partially genetically predisposing family-based illness and of my experience with it throughout my life.

1.14.1 I would, though, discourage others from blaming their parents for their genetic contribution to the disorders. I would also discourage them from blaming other family members for their contributions in the form of psycho-social stress and conflict and failure to understand. Rather than wasting time and energy in finger-pointing or bemoaning the fact that one has BPD, I would encourage sufferers to learn how to best use available treatment programs, or modalities as they are sometimes called in the literature, to minimize their symptoms and to find success and satisfaction in their lives despite their disorder.

1.15 Some of the personal context for this illness over the lifespan in my private and public life, in the relationships with my consanguineal family(family of birth) and in my two affinal families(families by marriage), in my employment life(1955-2005) and now in my retirement(2000-2012) are discussed in this document. I include in the description and analysis of my BPD some of what seems to me my major and relevant life events, not as triggers in my experience of BPD but as accompanying factors: (a) personal circumstances as they relate to my values, beliefs and attitudes--what some might call my religion as defined in the broad of senses; (b) family circumstances; for example, my parents’ life, my wife’s illnesses, the life-experiences of my three children as well as significant others in my lifespan like my father and mother and my first wife; (c) employment circumstances involving as they did: (i) psycho-social stress, (ii) movement from place to place and (iii) my sense of identity and meaning; (d) aspects of day-to-day life and their wider socio-historical setting and (e) details on other aspects of my medical condition to help provide a wider context for this BPD in the last two years.

1.15.1 I could explore section (d) above in some detail, but to be brief, let me simply add here that: processes of social inequality, poverty, human exploitation, besides many other ideological processes, install emptiness, disempowerment and lack of meaning in life. This is a frightening discovery because if we assume that this constitutes illness, the treatment for psychopathology should be a lot more complex than what have been traditionally used in clinical psychology and in psychiatry. It should give priority to political and community processes which help to make it possible and preserve mental health in addition to any neurobiological processes.

1.16 This lengthy account will hopefully provide mental health sufferers, clients or consumers, as they are now variously called these days, with: (i) a more adequate information base to make some comparisons and contrasts with their own situation, their own predicament, whatever it may be, (ii) some helpful general knowledge and understanding, (iii) some useful techniques in assisting them to cope with and sort out problems associated with their particular form of mental health problem or some other traumatized disorder that affects their body, their spirit, their soul and their everyday life and (iv) some detailed instructions on how to manage their lives more successfully despite the negative consequences of their BPD or whatever trauma or illness affects their lives. I am registered at over 100 mental health sites and contribute in ways that seem appropriate. But I do not assume the role of coach or mentor on the internet as some doctors, specialists and people who have experienced various forms of mental illness do at many sites on the world-wide-web.

1.16.1 Conventional research into mental health disorders is based on the assumption that professionals are better equipped to interpret the experience of sufferers because of their distance from the experience of the sufferers. It is perhaps now time for mental health service users to question the assumption that the greater the distance there is between direct experience and its interpretation, the more reliable it is. Such an approach explores instead the evidence and the theoretical framework for testing out whether: the shorter the distance there is between direct experience and its interpretation then the less distorted, inaccurate and damaging resulting knowledge is likely to be." For an interesting discussion of this topic go to the internet.

1.17 I like to think that what has become over the last few years this book of 160 pages has advice that could be used by many people with BPD as well as others without BPD. Keeping detailed records, for example, written or mnemonic, ingrained in memory and/or with signs for immediate recall when required--of one’s feelings and relationships and, in the process, taking responsibility for maintaining and improving them, might help BPD sufferers and others deal with their problems and have more successful lives. As for the meaning of successful, I prefer Thoreau's evocative lines: "If the day and the night are such that you greet them with joy and life emits a fragrance like flowers and sweet-scented herbs; if life is more elastic, more starry and more immortal in the process--that is your success." Even ‘Abdu’l-Bahá’s ‘oft repeated phrase: “Be Happy!” is a simple enough aphorism and yardstick for measuring your daily life, your sense of well-being and the extent to which you are well-oriented and well-positioned to assume the responsibilities that are the result of your interests and commitments. Of course, in using such definitions of ‘success’ like this, one must recognize that millions of people without mental health issues don’t have success defined in these terms. Finally, success and happiness are highly idiosyncratic terms and how each person sees them, defines them and experiences them are their own--even if there are many common threads from person to person.

1.18 There are two kinds of lists that BPD sufferers need to keep in mind in going about their daily lives in dealing with this disorder. So wrote one writer and, liking what he wrote, I include his ideas here. The first list is what you could call risk-factors that increase the chances of BPD sufferers becoming ill and/or having their symptoms dominate their daily life and produce ill-effects for themselves and others in their environment. Such socio-environmental factors as: family distress, psycho-social stress, drinking alcohol or using drugs, sleep-deprivation or missing medication are in this category. A second list of what could be called protective factors help to protect people with BPD from becoming ill, from having an exaccerbation of their symptoms. They include: keeping charts of one’s moods and sleeping patterns, going to bed and getting up at the same time every day, staying on one’s programs/regimes of medication and psychotherapy and avoiding psycho-social stressors that one knows will precipitate negative symptoms of BPD.

1.19 My note-taking and list-making are works-in-progress so to speak, and have been for years. How they are implemented varies from year to year and decade to decade. Now, at the age of 67, I keep: (a) a medical file in 5 sections in a separate briefcase. Readers can see the outline of this file in Appendix 7; (b) this 85,000 word and 160 page book updated to outline my life-experience of BPD; and (c) a written autobiography in 5 volumes which I update, as well as 1000s of prose-poems. I continue to write poetry each week. All of this helps me monitor my experience of BPD both directly and indirectly. I have used many charts, made many plans and tried to implement various safety-nets over my lifetime. Freeman’s description of the ones BPD sufferers can use is the best I’ve seen.

1.20 I like to think that this account is crammed full of useful information for patients with BPD and other illnesses, for their family members, for therapists, for friends, lovers, employers and anyone else interested in BPD. The insights I share were not acquired by reading the voluminous literature on BPD, although I have taken a serious intellectual interest in the subject in the last decade since I retired from FT employment in 1999. My insights come, in the main, from reflecting on 69 years of life since my conception in October 1943.

1.20.1 I have benefited from what you might call the collective wisdom of others about what it means to live with BPD and other conditions. This wisdom comes from the reflections of other writers, from specialists, indeed a range of commentators. Finding solutions to my BPD problems and telling about what works for me taps into my creative resources and it also requires investigating my own trial and error efforts to create a personally satisfying life in order to separate what works from what doesn’t work. Finding solutions and what works in one’s own life is a form of artistry that can result in highly individual and unique solutions and outcomes. I like to think that this book taps into both my own wisdom and experience and the collective wisdom of others looking for a better quality of life by writing about what has been helpful for them as sufferers with BPD or some other condition or, indeed, as a loved one or family member.

The medical psychiatric perspective believes in the centrality of genetic and biological approaches to mental ill-health over psychosocial ones and, at least in my case, this perspective informs this account. To put this idea another way, this account is based on the psychiatric perspective of the centrality of genetic and biological approach to mental health.

1.21 There are other psychiatric disorders often confused or associated with BPD and sufferers with BPD need to be aware of these other disorders in their diagnostic dialogue with their doctor and as they go about negotiating their lives. Differential diagnoses, as they are sometimes called, include: ADHD, schizophrenia, obsessive-compulsive personality disorder; recurrent major depressive disorder, schizo-affective disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, avoidance disorder and cyclothymic personality disorder. I have many of the features of any one of these disorders except schizophrenia at one time or another in the last seven decades. I was officially diagnosed by a psychiatrist in 1968 as having schizo-affective disorder. All of the other disorders I can partly, indeed, significantly, identify with when I read the list of symptoms associated with each of them. I would not list these disorders here if I did not exhibit or have not exhibited many of their symptoms in my lifetime.

1.21.1 In one study of 60 patients with BPD, 23 (38%) fulfilled the diagnostic criteria for at least one personality disorder. Those personality disorders most commonly were: narcissistic, borderline, antisocial, avoidance disorder and obsessive-compulsive. In my case the obsessive-compulsive personality disorder(OCPD) and post-traumatic stress disorder(PTSD) have been the most dominant and especially after the age of 60. The presence of these disorders sometimes make BPD symptoms more intense and more difficult to treat and they appear to increase the risk of suicide, but not in my case. I will deal with suicidal ideation later in this account of my chaos narrative. This account is about BPD and by a person with BPD and it only ventures into these several other psychiatric illnesses and personality disorders to a limited extent and only from time to time when it seems relevant. I will deal with these personality disorders in my life briefly in the next several sections before continuing this account of BPD.
--------MORE TO COME IF DESIRED----OR YOU CAN GOOGLE THESE WORDS....RonPrice BPD--------------------

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