This is meant to be a funny (yet very long read) please don't move it
Great Sex Positions
Although a perennial favourite, Sthingying is best if there's at least one person involved.
After a while, even the best relationships can do with a bit of spicing up.
Couples can get complacent, and a vigourous nightly ritual can become a lazy once a month activity.
But it's never too late to inject some fun and excitement into your love life.
These great sex positions will make your love life stronger (and potentially put out your lower back, so please make sure you're paid up on your health insurance before you try them).
Ken and Barbie style - Neither partner is allowed to bend at the elbows or knees. (sounds fun...LOL)
Doggie style - The man attempts to do the impossible.
Froggie style - Male and female partners in large spa.
Male attempts to fertilise female using only the water as a transmission medium. For couples who don’t like each other much any more.
Fish style - same as Froggie style, but neither partner may use their arms or legs.
Mummy and Daddy Love Each Other Very Much, And Hug Each Other in A Special Way style - The only position in this list you won’t be embarrassed to tell the kids about when they're five.
Style style - Sex with a Vogue Living editor.
Crouch position - Each partner crouches down on the ground, then simultaneously leaps up, and attempts to couple whilst in mid-air.
Couch position - Same as the crouch position, but starting at opposite ends of the living room couch.
Ouch position - Usual outcome of the crouch position.
Lazy Susan style - Susan goes to sleep.
Russian style - Partners queue for hours for enough vodka to make each other look attractive.
Nostrodamus sex - Any encounter that comes as a complete surprise.
Osama Bin Laden’s position - If you know this position, please contact the FBI for your $25 million reward.
Bank style - Screw the customers.
Missionary position - Each partner kneels and prays.
Your Favourite Positions
add a suggestion
Stealth style - Hide in a box, sneak around a corner, just as long as she doesn't see you coming.
Matrix Style - - th partners put on sunglasses, and dress in black. They then fly around the room and run on walls in slow motion.
Marathon Style - A 3 day event featuring such events as the 23-Second-Dash, the 'Backseat-of-the-car' Relay and the Condom Toss
Under the Bed Style - Just as fun as on top of the bed!
"Lets Get it On" Style - One partner continously sings "Lets Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
Praying Mantis Style - When you're done somebody gets eaten...
Lazy Susan Style (Advanced) - Intercourse while spinning at high speed
Carnival Style - You must be this tall to ride.
Yoda Style - The mind trick must you use, if nookie you want
Ninja Style - I go in, I go out, you never know I was there. (made me think of hammy.. sorry soklu )
Alaskan Style - Actually not a lot of style here, just lots of guys with blue ballz
Discovery Channel Style - Do it with the Croc Hunter filming you
R-Rated Movie on Free-To-Air Television Style - he woman feigns excitement, the man is unable to display an erection- a few seconds later, it's over and everyone starts thinking about products.
Microsoft Style - rgasm causes fatal exception resulting in blue screen of death.
John Ashcroft Style - nvolves reading other people's mail until climax.
Sloth Style - oreplay is done over a period of weeks while hanging from a tree.
Predator Style - Dress in warpaint and hide in the bushes before your partnet gets home from work. Then as they walk by, jump out screaming and have at it!
Snob Style - At the height of passion, start name dropping.
Bullnuts artist sex - ook I've liked you for a while now and I'm so happy to be lying here with you but I would love to get your phone number so I can call you and we can go out sometime.
Canadian style - Find a place with snow, (or go into a walk in freezer in a pinch), boink till you have frostbite, run inside and sizzle up some Canadian bacon during the afterglow.....
Batman Style - Dress up in costume with mask, activate utility belt full of useful "gadgets", hang by your feet from roof. Guaranteed to get a rush of blood to the head. (sidekick optional)
Cowboy style - Once you've engaged in intercourse tell her that her sister is a better bonk than her and see if you can hang on for eight seconds!
Ultra Light - Put wings on your lawnmower. Chase each other on the runway and attempt airborne intimacy.
Decathlon style - any ten of the above in any order you choose
DJ Style - For those not into S&M but R&B. You feel the drumming of music, see lights flashing before your eyes, your body covered in sweat, and you're thirsty but a bottle of water is $10!!! Contraception? The rhythm method of course! Warning - you could slip your disc doing this one.
Snail Mail Style - Like cyber-sex and phone-sex, but through the postal service. Takes a little longer, and both partners seem to lose intrest after a while.
Plumber position - you stay in all day and still no one comes.
Going solo postition - ttempting to mate while drinking lemonade
Mullet style - - er a hard day of diesel engine repair, it's nice to come home to a little business in front, and party in the back.
Necrophiliac postion - climb on and get get off all while the partner is asleep.
Jedi Knight Style - Put on a glow in the dark condom. Breathe very heavily and insist your partner joins the dark side. If partner refuses then the lightsaber fight starts.
Saloon Style - Liquor up the front, poker round the back.
Hoochie Style - You recognize this style when it's like trying to throw a hotdog down a hallway.
Magician Style - Propose this to a girl (or guy) and when she asks "How is that?", you say "we have sex and then you disappear."
Kylie style - should be so lucky
Ozzy Osbourne Style - Start off 'Flying High Again' with a little 'Sweet Leaf'. Get out your 'Iron Man', unless you have a 'Mr. Tinkertrain', then you better say 'Goodbye To Romance' But if your mate has 'Desire' give it a 'Shot In The Dark', just make sure you don't take the 'Road To Nowhere' unless you're a bum pirate or trying not to make any 'Crazy Babies'. Just remember while you shag like a couple of 'War Pigs' that you give fair warning by yelling 'Mama, I'm Coming Home'!
Quantum position - One of you hides in a box with Schrodingers cat, the other decides how you're having sex before opening the box to prove it.
Microsoft Windows 98 style - Everyone gets screwed. It is reported to log file 000alep9721#.txt
Prime Minister Howard style - you don't know how, but people are getting screwed...your minister for defence has all the details.
Doggy style - where the girl rolls over and the guy begs.
Nike style - Just do it
Microsoft style - Do the same position everyweek but insist to your partner that its new and improved.
Hillbilly style - sorta like doggie style just have your clothes hanging off your knees and leave your boots on.
Dolphin style - You're goin doggy style. You skillfully pretend you slip and then try the rear entry. She turns her head with a frightened look saying uh uh.. uh uh
Big Mac - put a quarter pounder between her buns.
Propellor-style - it allows you to feel the sensation with a twist
Diet style - Looks the same, smells the same, but just somehow aint the same.
Frigid Style - You lay there he lays there and nothing happens.
Any style, as long as no body feels "shafted".
Job interview style - you lie, cheat and pretend to be someone else to get in.
Alien abduction style - Wait til they are asleep...then swoop and probe
Construction style - Take what's old and redo it to perfection.
Math Class - Subtract the clothes, Add a bed, Divide the legs, and Multiply.
Drunken sailor style - Morale goes up, skill goes down
Godfather Style - Wearing concrete slippers and with a horse's head in the bed. And you don't mess with the family.
The 96 - You sit back to back and fart on each other's heads
Great Sex Positions
Although a perennial favourite, Sthingying is best if there's at least one person involved.
After a while, even the best relationships can do with a bit of spicing up.
Couples can get complacent, and a vigourous nightly ritual can become a lazy once a month activity.
But it's never too late to inject some fun and excitement into your love life.
These great sex positions will make your love life stronger (and potentially put out your lower back, so please make sure you're paid up on your health insurance before you try them).
Ken and Barbie style - Neither partner is allowed to bend at the elbows or knees. (sounds fun...LOL)
Doggie style - The man attempts to do the impossible.
Froggie style - Male and female partners in large spa.
Male attempts to fertilise female using only the water as a transmission medium. For couples who don’t like each other much any more.
Fish style - same as Froggie style, but neither partner may use their arms or legs.
Mummy and Daddy Love Each Other Very Much, And Hug Each Other in A Special Way style - The only position in this list you won’t be embarrassed to tell the kids about when they're five.
Style style - Sex with a Vogue Living editor.
Crouch position - Each partner crouches down on the ground, then simultaneously leaps up, and attempts to couple whilst in mid-air.
Couch position - Same as the crouch position, but starting at opposite ends of the living room couch.
Ouch position - Usual outcome of the crouch position.
Lazy Susan style - Susan goes to sleep.
Russian style - Partners queue for hours for enough vodka to make each other look attractive.
Nostrodamus sex - Any encounter that comes as a complete surprise.
Osama Bin Laden’s position - If you know this position, please contact the FBI for your $25 million reward.
Bank style - Screw the customers.
Missionary position - Each partner kneels and prays.
Your Favourite Positions
add a suggestion
Stealth style - Hide in a box, sneak around a corner, just as long as she doesn't see you coming.
Matrix Style - - th partners put on sunglasses, and dress in black. They then fly around the room and run on walls in slow motion.
Marathon Style - A 3 day event featuring such events as the 23-Second-Dash, the 'Backseat-of-the-car' Relay and the Condom Toss
Under the Bed Style - Just as fun as on top of the bed!
"Lets Get it On" Style - One partner continously sings "Lets Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
Praying Mantis Style - When you're done somebody gets eaten...
Lazy Susan Style (Advanced) - Intercourse while spinning at high speed
Carnival Style - You must be this tall to ride.
Yoda Style - The mind trick must you use, if nookie you want
Ninja Style - I go in, I go out, you never know I was there. (made me think of hammy.. sorry soklu )
Alaskan Style - Actually not a lot of style here, just lots of guys with blue ballz
Discovery Channel Style - Do it with the Croc Hunter filming you
R-Rated Movie on Free-To-Air Television Style - he woman feigns excitement, the man is unable to display an erection- a few seconds later, it's over and everyone starts thinking about products.
Microsoft Style - rgasm causes fatal exception resulting in blue screen of death.
John Ashcroft Style - nvolves reading other people's mail until climax.
Sloth Style - oreplay is done over a period of weeks while hanging from a tree.
Predator Style - Dress in warpaint and hide in the bushes before your partnet gets home from work. Then as they walk by, jump out screaming and have at it!
Snob Style - At the height of passion, start name dropping.
Bullnuts artist sex - ook I've liked you for a while now and I'm so happy to be lying here with you but I would love to get your phone number so I can call you and we can go out sometime.
Canadian style - Find a place with snow, (or go into a walk in freezer in a pinch), boink till you have frostbite, run inside and sizzle up some Canadian bacon during the afterglow.....
Batman Style - Dress up in costume with mask, activate utility belt full of useful "gadgets", hang by your feet from roof. Guaranteed to get a rush of blood to the head. (sidekick optional)
Cowboy style - Once you've engaged in intercourse tell her that her sister is a better bonk than her and see if you can hang on for eight seconds!
Ultra Light - Put wings on your lawnmower. Chase each other on the runway and attempt airborne intimacy.
Decathlon style - any ten of the above in any order you choose
DJ Style - For those not into S&M but R&B. You feel the drumming of music, see lights flashing before your eyes, your body covered in sweat, and you're thirsty but a bottle of water is $10!!! Contraception? The rhythm method of course! Warning - you could slip your disc doing this one.
Snail Mail Style - Like cyber-sex and phone-sex, but through the postal service. Takes a little longer, and both partners seem to lose intrest after a while.
Plumber position - you stay in all day and still no one comes.
Going solo postition - ttempting to mate while drinking lemonade
Mullet style - - er a hard day of diesel engine repair, it's nice to come home to a little business in front, and party in the back.
Necrophiliac postion - climb on and get get off all while the partner is asleep.
Jedi Knight Style - Put on a glow in the dark condom. Breathe very heavily and insist your partner joins the dark side. If partner refuses then the lightsaber fight starts.
Saloon Style - Liquor up the front, poker round the back.
Hoochie Style - You recognize this style when it's like trying to throw a hotdog down a hallway.
Magician Style - Propose this to a girl (or guy) and when she asks "How is that?", you say "we have sex and then you disappear."
Kylie style - should be so lucky
Ozzy Osbourne Style - Start off 'Flying High Again' with a little 'Sweet Leaf'. Get out your 'Iron Man', unless you have a 'Mr. Tinkertrain', then you better say 'Goodbye To Romance' But if your mate has 'Desire' give it a 'Shot In The Dark', just make sure you don't take the 'Road To Nowhere' unless you're a bum pirate or trying not to make any 'Crazy Babies'. Just remember while you shag like a couple of 'War Pigs' that you give fair warning by yelling 'Mama, I'm Coming Home'!
Quantum position - One of you hides in a box with Schrodingers cat, the other decides how you're having sex before opening the box to prove it.
Microsoft Windows 98 style - Everyone gets screwed. It is reported to log file 000alep9721#.txt
Prime Minister Howard style - you don't know how, but people are getting screwed...your minister for defence has all the details.
Doggy style - where the girl rolls over and the guy begs.
Nike style - Just do it
Microsoft style - Do the same position everyweek but insist to your partner that its new and improved.
Hillbilly style - sorta like doggie style just have your clothes hanging off your knees and leave your boots on.
Dolphin style - You're goin doggy style. You skillfully pretend you slip and then try the rear entry. She turns her head with a frightened look saying uh uh.. uh uh
Big Mac - put a quarter pounder between her buns.
Propellor-style - it allows you to feel the sensation with a twist
Diet style - Looks the same, smells the same, but just somehow aint the same.
Frigid Style - You lay there he lays there and nothing happens.
Any style, as long as no body feels "shafted".
Job interview style - you lie, cheat and pretend to be someone else to get in.
Alien abduction style - Wait til they are asleep...then swoop and probe
Construction style - Take what's old and redo it to perfection.
Math Class - Subtract the clothes, Add a bed, Divide the legs, and Multiply.
Drunken sailor style - Morale goes up, skill goes down
Godfather Style - Wearing concrete slippers and with a horse's head in the bed. And you don't mess with the family.
The 96 - You sit back to back and fart on each other's heads