The Happy Scrappy Workout Routine....

[Raina]

A lot of people talk about Cornholio's "old school" workout program. HS set one up for me and says it's worked wonders for him. I've only been doing it for a week though so I can't really share my results.

HS explained to me that the main problem with my workout plan was all the exercise. Apparently exercise can lead to injuries. As I'm already injured....that explained a lot.

HS's workout program mostly involves pretend exercise and a lot of "envisioning". Last week I set a personal record while imagining myself running. I ran 7 miles in just under 6 minutes. That's not too bad. I try to envision that I'm doing cardio 3-4 days a week.....but a lot of times I fall asleep. I guess that doesn't count.

HS taught me that the most important part of lifting isn't the actual "moving" or the "weight". The key is the grunting and shrieking. That can be done at home with little equiptment but I find that I have better focus when I actually go to the gym. I cover myself in chalk (I like to be crafty and just grind up purple sidewalk chalk in my blender instead of buying it) and put on my spandex leotard. I go from machine to machine shutting my eyes and making my noise. I always leave feeling really tired....well, my throat burns but my muscles don't hurt (pain means injury).

I was wondering if anyone else has has success with this??

 

[HighIntensity]

Ill wait for the Happy Scrappy workout tapes

 

[MaGilicuti]

HS's workout program mostly involves pretend exercise and a lot of "envisioning".

I think a lot of people on the C&C forum us this envisioning workout routine as well. They are doing too much envisioning though. Atleast their mice and keyboard are getting good work outs.

 

[saint808]

oddly enough he told me the secret to great abs was trying to perform fellatio on myself...

 

[HappyScrappy]

this is pretty much exactly like my current routine. only
I don't go to the gym.
or eat.
I did go to the Y yesterday to check it out.
the guy was giving us a tour and every room I went into I reached up with one arm to see if I could touch the ceiling - if I couldn't then I would nod slowly and mutter "this will do"
(I'm serious on that one)

I also don't grunt much. mostly I just sit on the couch and wonder what it would be like to have a job and to workout. I've decided that it would be scary. then I take a nap.

 

[WODIN]

I tried this workout for about 3 days, I just don't have the discipline to keep it up, because each time I had Veronica Zemanova interupting the workout by giving me oral pleasure and having me pound her like a nail through wood. I tried to get her to do it only on weekends and evenings at my house but she still kept showing up.

She's here now.

Got any peanut butter?

 

[Nathan]

Never tried it. Here's what I like to do though. I go to the gym and remove all my clothing except my thick wool socks and my workboots. I then take a wide stance in front of one of those large mirrors and begin to masturbate with a ferocious intensity. The trick is to try out various facial configurations. That's where the workout comes in but that's not the only place. Another important bit is to try and fart while all the above is going on. And when I say fart, I mean REALLY fart. You have to try and scare yourself with this. You ideally want to be so engrossed in the masturbation and the alteration of your facial configurations that when you fart you totally and completely scare the shit out of yourself. You should be forced to stop what you are doing with a confused look on your face and say, "What the fuck was that? Did you guys hear that? Is everyone alright?" At that point, you'll know you've had a good workout.

 

[HappyScrappy]

I don't even think she is hot.

as for mentally working out - a lot of times I will pretend that I'm in a race and losing. it helps my esteem.
also sometimes if I'm in a grocery store I will pretend my cart is a fast car and I will make zoom-zoom vrooming noises as I race around the store, randomly throwing shit into it, screeching around the corners and knocking people out of the way.
then I will plow into a checkout line, rear ending a few people and then raising my victorious fists in the air - showing that I am a winner. then I grab one of my gallons of milk, shake it up, and then pour it over myself.

 

[TheProject]

Don't underestimate the power of sidewalk chalk.

We have a bin of it at the Asylum...different colors for different moves. Works great!

I suggest Crayola...seems to work the best.

 

[HappyScrappy]

I used to always tell my workout partner that it was all about the facial contortions that one does and not the weight. he never took me seriously.