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Tell me the worst sex you ever had.

Mr. Black said:
My worst sex story had to do more with the oral side of things. I had just started dating this little cutie and we were going at it & went down on her. Well I had ripped her panites off in the dark and dove in licking and slurping away quite enjoying enjoying msyelf. She was still a little shy and unfortunately I did not recieve aything in return...yet. Any rate it was time to driver her home and I flicked on my black nights to find her panties. Well once I found them, i noticed they were covered in a dark sticky fluid. Hmmm as I inspected a little closer and did a double take looking back to her spread eagled pussy, it was covered in menstrual blood! Not wanting to embarass her further by barfing all over her, I ran to the bathroom in the dark and scrubbed my face and gargled listerine for quite some time. Now that's how you earn your red wings:o
Click to expand...

MMMMMMMMMMMMM


Yummie.

:(
 
i don't really wanna recount my story in detail...

basically she smelled really bad, and her natural lubrication was much thicker then any other woman's i had encountered... white and thick and smelled worse then you can imagine.....

i flipped her over doggy style and tried not to look at the white crap on my cock and tried not to breath... and said "im gonna cum".. she said "nooo!" cuz it had only been 10 minutes or so.. but there was no way I was gonna prolong this experience any longer then i had too...

i blew my load... took the condom off.. went to the bathroom and washed my cock and hands off with hot water and almost all the soap she had.

ick.. thinking about it gives me the heebie jeebies....


the second worst time was just oral.. it was in college.. a female friend of mine was drinking and horny.. and I always had a hard time turning down chicks when I lived in the dorms... it was too easy.. so many hot horny women within walking distance....

anyway, this story is interesting, but I gotta go so I can tell how it all lead to this.. but what it did lead to was she giving me oral and then me giving her oral..

problem was, she smelled HORRIBLE... i couldn't believe it.. it was my first encounter with a pussy that smelled bad.. and this wasn't bad, it as nausiating.. i literally was gagging due to the smell and taste... it was probably because it was like 4am at the time and she hadn't showered since 8am.. but still.. fuck, I was blindsided by it..

I tried to drool a lot... so that my saliva might mask the taste and smell... and i tried to use my fingers more and mouth less... i wasn't gonna stop until she came though... that woulda been the death nail for my game in the dorms.. being known as the guy that gets but doesn't give... so I stayed in there for a solid 10 minutes or so until she came.. and then I was outta there.. my room was like 30 seconds down the hall.. so I went there quick, got my shower stuff and took the hottest shower possible.. washed my face forever it seemed like.

I hope to never encounter that smell again.
 
serious question, vellvette.


my penis is about the length of a mechanical BIC pencil.

would i be a target of the "left my iron on" and run tactic?
 
SublimeZM said:
serious question, vellvette.


my penis is about the length of a mechanical BIC pencil.

would i be a target of the "left my iron on" and run tactic?
Click to expand...


Thinking.....

well damn, it's been years since I used a mechanical pencil... huh, wonder if it's anything like a drafting pencil???


I think it would be safe to say no.

:D
 
Lestat said:
i don't really wanna recount my story in detail...

basically she smelled really bad, and her natural lubrication was much thicker then any other woman's i had encountered... white and thick and smelled worse then you can imagine.....

i flipped her over doggy style and tried not to look at the white crap on my cock and tried not to breath... and said "im gonna cum".. she said "nooo!" cuz it had only been 10 minutes or so.. but there was no way I was gonna prolong this experience any longer then i had too...

i blew my load... took the condom off.. went to the bathroom and washed my cock and hands off with hot water and almost all the soap she had.

ick.. thinking about it gives me the heebie jeebies....


the second worst time was just oral.. it was in college.. a female friend of mine was drinking and horny.. and I always had a hard time turning down chicks when I lived in the dorms... it was too easy.. so many hot horny women within walking distance....

anyway, this story is interesting, but I gotta go so I can tell how it all lead to this.. but what it did lead to was she giving me oral and then me giving her oral..

problem was, she smelled HORRIBLE... i couldn't believe it.. it was my first encounter with a pussy that smelled bad.. and this wasn't bad, it as nausiating.. i literally was gagging due to the smell and taste... it was probably because it was like 4am at the time and she hadn't showered since 8am.. but still.. fuck, I was blindsided by it..

I tried to drool a lot... so that my saliva might mask the taste and smell... and i tried to use my fingers more and mouth less... i wasn't gonna stop until she came though... that woulda been the death nail for my game in the dorms.. being known as the guy that gets but doesn't give... so I stayed in there for a solid 10 minutes or so until she came.. and then I was outta there.. my room was like 30 seconds down the hall.. so I went there quick, got my shower stuff and took the hottest shower possible.. washed my face forever it seemed like.

I hope to never encounter that smell again.
Click to expand...


OMFG!
:freak:

Those are some of the nastiest stories.

I am so happy to be female now.




3rd rule of really hot sweet sex - DO NOT under any circumstance partake in oral sex where one or more parties has not showered in the very very recent past.

OH GOD and no oral after pooping - that's just nasty I don't care how much I love you or how good you are in the sack - you're taking a damn shower.



:insane:
 
Lumberg said:


so I could cum in her pussy?

seriously.
Click to expand...

You mean to tell me that you would go through all kinds of bullshit just for the shot of cumming into a pussy?

I LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE SEX. But I can't even be bothered to change the batteries in my vibrator anymore, let alone go through all kinds of shit in the hopes that some dude *might* know how to eat pussy or how to properly fuck a woman.
 
Now that's how you earn your red wings:o [/B]
Click to expand...


I was dating a in the spring that would go down on me no matter what. It was the first time I ever had a guy eat me out on my period and let me tell you it felt like heavin.
 
Beached Whale said:


You mean to tell me that you would go through all kinds of bullshit just for the shot of cumming into a pussy?

I LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE SEX. But I can't even be bothered to change the batteries in my vibrator anymore, let alone go through all kinds of shit in the hopes that some dude *might* know how to eat pussy or how to properly fuck a woman.
Click to expand...

seriously,

no

I know what you mean, the rigamarole is not worth it any more.
 
same horrible chick as posted previously....

took her to the Marine Corps ball with me one year, as i didn't have a date and figured i was gonna be drunk as hell, why not bring her so i am gaurenteed a piece of ass afterwards, right?

i get so lit at the bar afterwards, i'm seeing 4 of everything for a while. by the time we got back to the hotel, i was only seeing 2 of everything. we crawled in bed, and i said "so, wanna fuck?" she just laughed and said "sure" and i laughed also. then i said "i wasn't kidding." "i wasn't either....."

so we start messing around, then i realize what i had just gotten myself into. i couldn't bail out right away, i mean, damn, i was drunk and horny. had her go down on me, and i was so damn drunk it took 1/2 hour. she kept coming up and saying "i want you to eat me" and i'd just tell her "yeah, sure, as soon as you're done with me" so she'd keep going. she told me twice she just wanted to start fucking, and i told her as soon as she was done with me, i'd eat her like crazy and then we'd fuck, so she kept going til i finally got off.

i got up and went to get a drink of water and started trying to think my way out of the situation. then it hit me....i was hammered and THAT would get me out of it. i walked back to the bed, then crawled in and buried my head in the pillow and started going "oooohhhhhhh..........iiiiiii.......think.......iiiiiiii.....drank too much......"

she started cuddling with me and i fell asleep in under 2 minutes :D

that was the LAST time anything sexual happened between us....thank god!

oh, forgot to add this before.....out of maybe a dozen times we slept together, i only went down on her maybe 4 times, and this was for 2 good reasons. #1 was that she had a HORRIBLE smell. yeah, the smell went away after a few minutes, but the initial whiff was enough to make you think twice about going down there. i always came up with an excuse or said "i just want to FUCK" to get out of it. #2 reason was that this chick could shave herself bald in the morning and have a double 5 o'clock shadow by mid-afternoon. it was rough enough to tear your face apart. really sucked, cause she had by far the prettiest pussy i have ever been up close and personal with.
 
i might never have sex again after reading some of this shit.....especially the stuff about smelly broads....
 
my devirgining experience actually. she was also chaste.


it was so tight that it burned like hell and gosh dang it was only like a 10 minute experience but i was more tore up than her by the end i swear. it was worse than the top of a milk jug i had been practicing on.
 
AAP said:
And then that one time I set my tricks pubic hair on fire...
Click to expand...

pubichairs.gif
 
velvett said:



OMFG!
:freak:

Those are some of the nastiest stories.

I am so happy to be female now.




3rd rule of really hot sweet sex - DO NOT under any circumstance partake in oral sex where one or more parties has not showered in the very very recent past.

OH GOD and no oral after pooping - that's just nasty I don't care how much I love you or how good you are in the sack - you're taking a damn shower.



:insane:
Click to expand...


Your reponse brings up a couple of good points.

One, you are glad you are a woman, which is great, I am glad you are too, but its ironic that all women say that and all men say they are glad to be men.

I can't imagine being a woman. Having every guy in the world hit on you, but 90% of them (or more) are insincere and just trying to get laid.. I don't know if I could handle that (as a woman).. as a guy it would be great.. but I dunno. As a man I love the challenge of women, its almost never a sure thing, even when you think it is, you chase it all the way till the end.. I don't imagine women having that same chase feeling as much.

As far as shower and oral... i talked with my guy friends about it, and we all agree for the most part on timing.. this is not specific.. but basically here is how I break it down...

For oral to take place, there must have been a shower within the last 4 hours or so.... chowing down in the evening when the last shower was in the morning is just not cool.. everyone sweats.. bacteria and shit grow.. its not cool. I know my shit sweats too and I wouldn't expect a woman to blow me if it had been 10-12 hours since the last shower.

For any asshole licking, its gotta be within 30 minutes of a nice thorough hot shower...

Also, as you said, the poop thing voids all times.. if you took a shower 3 hours ago, but 1 hour after that, no oral, and no doggy style! The smell of ass is just replusive when you are having sex.. its a quick way to lose an erection.
 
Lestat said:
i don't really wanna recount my story in detail...

basically she smelled really bad, and her natural lubrication was much thicker then any other woman's i had encountered... white and thick and smelled worse then you can imagine.....

i flipped her over doggy style and tried not to look at the white crap on my cock and tried not to breath... and said "im gonna cum".. she said "nooo!" cuz it had only been 10 minutes or so.. but there was no way I was gonna prolong this experience any longer then i had too...

i blew my load... took the condom off.. went to the bathroom and washed my cock and hands off with hot water and almost all the soap she had.

ick.. thinking about it gives me the heebie jeebies....


the second worst time was just oral.. it was in college.. a female friend of mine was drinking and horny.. and I always had a hard time turning down chicks when I lived in the dorms... it was too easy.. so many hot horny women within walking distance....

anyway, this story is interesting, but I gotta go so I can tell how it all lead to this.. but what it did lead to was she giving me oral and then me giving her oral..

problem was, she smelled HORRIBLE... i couldn't believe it.. it was my first encounter with a pussy that smelled bad.. and this wasn't bad, it as nausiating.. i literally was gagging due to the smell and taste... it was probably because it was like 4am at the time and she hadn't showered since 8am.. but still.. fuck, I was blindsided by it..

I tried to drool a lot... so that my saliva might mask the taste and smell... and i tried to use my fingers more and mouth less... i wasn't gonna stop until she came though... that woulda been the death nail for my game in the dorms.. being known as the guy that gets but doesn't give... so I stayed in there for a solid 10 minutes or so until she came.. and then I was outta there.. my room was like 30 seconds down the hall.. so I went there quick, got my shower stuff and took the hottest shower possible.. washed my face forever it seemed like.

I hope to never encounter that smell again.
Click to expand...

That is so grosss. I laughed my ass off reading this. I'm so glad that I'm a virgin.
 
wow im so blown away by some of the replies in this thread im going to delete my post

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU NOT TASTE BLOOD IN YOUR MOUTH

oh that is so gross. wow im traumatised. oh my Lord. im going to use this thread to help me stay on my diet :(

and yes i realise i have just set my self up for an eating pussy comment :D
 
tqpew said:
there's such a thing as bad sex??? :confused:
Click to expand...
only 2 hours later; when you are back at your place washing the "stanky offin' yo' hang down". it's at this point that you think..."hmm...wasn't that good after all....no call back for that one.":rolleyes:
 
pitbullstl said:
Sophmore year of college............I met the most amazingly hot girl (next to my wife) I have ever seen.........she's done playboy twice for the Big 12 thingy..........but believe me this was of no consequence, as she was the worlds worst fuck. This bitch would just lay there and close her eyes.......literally FUCKING CLOSE HER FUCKING EYES.......until I blew......oh yeah I blew alright..........but that was only due to the fact that she was amazingly hot.......and a shitload of test........

The weird thing is she was so sexually aggressive before we would actually get down to it......licking my ear in the bar....displaying the fact that she wasn't wearing underwear................weird...........plain fucking weird..........

She ran up the stairs to my room........lit candles.....stripped off her clothes.......and laid on my bed.......I thought I would bust before I even touched her........but the minute I got near her......she went all limp noodle on me........and CLOSED HER FUCKING EYES..................weird ass hot girls............:)
Click to expand...

Necrophile.
 
Well...I whiped it out and suddenly the chiock remembered she had left her iron on at home
 
Trust me I never want to repeat what happened to me again. Who would have thought that Vasity initiation would involve so many wieners and broom handles.
 
AAP said:
You have not had a bad climax until you have had to fake one.

Whew.

You grunt a few times, pull out and then spit on their backs.

Go "Baby that was great. Don't come back."
Click to expand...

ROFLMAO..........spit on their back :spit:
 
Beached Whale said:


The most amazing sex I have ever had was with a guy that was 6' 4", 240 #.... hardly any body hair (except on his head where it was like a shag carpet), dark skin (had a bit of native American in his blood) who had skillz that were UN-IMAGINABLE!!! There was nothing that this guy could do to turn me off. He did EEEEEEEEEEVERYTHING RIGHT!

*sigh*

I still remember the last time we were together. We were "only friends" (at his request LOL) *wink*... yea, it took him like an extra minute and a 1/2 to get his clothing off because we were stoned. It was late February 2002.

God, I remember that sex like it was yesterday....

*sniff*
Click to expand...

guess what, im back baby ;)
 
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