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I am SOOOO PROUD of you sweet 
!!!!!!!! I am still waiting for the day when I'll be able to do the EXACT same thing, sure I sneak in little snide remarks or comments here or there, but usually end up feeling bad about them and apologizing. I know one day I sure won't though, and I'm sure I'll have the fulfillment feeling like you are now! You're my hero and I'm glad you were able to finally let her have it... still looking forward to the story swapping here in a few weeks at the Arnold 
x a mill 
!!!!!!!! I am still waiting for the day when I'll be able to do the EXACT same thing, sure I sneak in little snide remarks or comments here or there, but usually end up feeling bad about them and apologizing. I know one day I sure won't though, and I'm sure I'll have the fulfillment feeling like you are now! You're my hero and I'm glad you were able to finally let her have it... still looking forward to the story swapping here in a few weeks at the Arnold x a mill 
gymmum
New member
Quote:
Originally Posted by T-Cake
Today is the day. I beat the system; I fought her and I don't really care what she says back because I believe enough in myself now to laugh at her in her face and say, "Yeah -- whatever."
GO ME.
Well done darlin' it's about time you fought for you feelings and your self respect.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassy69
Fuck people who make you feel anything other than wonderful about yourself. There are people who create things and people who destroy things. Creation is much more powerful and never-ending.
Well said....couldn't agree more
Originally Posted by T-Cake
Today is the day. I beat the system; I fought her and I don't really care what she says back because I believe enough in myself now to laugh at her in her face and say, "Yeah -- whatever."
GO ME.
Well done darlin' it's about time you fought for you feelings and your self respect.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassy69
Fuck people who make you feel anything other than wonderful about yourself. There are people who create things and people who destroy things. Creation is much more powerful and never-ending.
Well said....couldn't agree more
T
T-Cake
Guest
It was ridiculously easy in that moment... but the last second before I clicked "send" was tough. Even last night I was sitting here feeling bad I said all that...(Note: Duckie, it's still there). I look over and Ulter is reading the BCC copy of the email I sent my mom. I walk over and I"m reading it again over his shoulder and just go mad all over again -- these are things I've been wanting to say to her forever but she was always controlling me, so I couldn't. Now she can't touch me, she can't do anything to me, so I just... blew up.jenscats5 said:
ROONS! I miss you, girl! Thanks for your support; I want your strenght too! Together, we're all WonderWoman (and I'll include the big boobs!) I'm going to spinning today and this week I WILL get my bike!!!Roonytunes said:I am SO proud of you, T-Cake!
ps - I'm glad I tried to stand up for crazy spin instructor way back when
No one's pushing me around this weekend!Sassy69 said:
x 1,000 Sassy, that's going in my siggy or something. You are so right -- I had that as an underlying motto for myself when I moved here to Florida and was meeting new people. So many people are out to judge me and hate me and perceive me to be someone I am not -- I was just talking to Ulter about this last night. He says I need a thicker skin (which I agree about), and you are certainly right that those people just aren't worth my time.Right back at 'cha wife-of-ass-clownck2006 said:
You're great! The day will come -- like I said, I still feel a bit guilty, but what's she going to do? Write me a nasty email back? Call me and leave me another mean voicemail? All that will do is further prove me right and that's exactly what she WON'T want.
Get this: In the last 24 hours, she has called me about 12 times. On top of that she sent me 3 text messages all asking if I'm okay because she thinks the killer tornadoes in FL were near me.Argh -- get a map! It's nowhere near Orlando! Grrrr. Anyway, the last phone call was a 1:21am She's no better than a crazy ex-boyfriend
Off to the gym in a bit again. Shoulders then spin class; I always think shoulders is an easy workout until I get there and realize how much I do and how hard each move is...
for now
J
jenscats5
Guest
HUGS to you girlie........
Remember toxic people come in all shapes/sizes & relationships - just cuz she's your mother doesn't make her any less toxic and just cuz she's your mother doesn't give her the right to take her negativity out on you! You're allowed to dislike her and you're allowed to be angry with her and you don't even have to like her!!
It's ok to allow yourself to feel this way -- do that & she will no longer control you....
Remember toxic people come in all shapes/sizes & relationships - just cuz she's your mother doesn't make her any less toxic and just cuz she's your mother doesn't give her the right to take her negativity out on you! You're allowed to dislike her and you're allowed to be angry with her and you don't even have to like her!!
It's ok to allow yourself to feel this way -- do that & she will no longer control you....
Sassy69
New member
I"m just curious - is she still so caught up in herself that maybe she just needs an ultimatum or is she truly just a miserable person? Would it do any good to say "I realize your my mother, I'd like to respect you as my mother, but I can't until you respect me. Please dont' call me until you have something constructive to add to my life."?
takniteasy
Banned
T-Cake, this is a repost cause I cannot find Bunz' original thread. Good reads.
I am real proud of you, honey. It takes a very strong person to make drastic (but positive) changes in their life. I love watching you grow, very inspirational!
Negative & Toxic People
7 Ways to Deal with the Negative People
Have you ever been faced with trying to stay positive when others around you are negative? Negative people can be a challenge to be around. They will bring you down and drain your energy. A negative person can throw your best laid plans to be positive right out the window. Whether your child or spouse has an occasional negative day or you deal with a family member, friend or co-worker that is chronically negative, there are things you can do to remain positive in the face of negativity.
Let the Negativity Pass
Whatever you do, do not argue with a negative person. Arguing only adds fuel to the fire. A negative person will feed off any negativity that will strengthen his mood or attitude. I have noticed when my children are in a crabby mood, it is best to avoid trying to convince them to analyze and adjust their attitude. As soon as I take the approach of being in opposition with them, they seize the opportunity to prove to me that life stinks. Their negativity intensifies and the situation gets worse before it gets better. Sometimes the best thing to do is remain silent and let the negativity pass.
Negative People Need Love
You know how difficult it can be to give love and positive attention to negative people. Unfortunately, that is often exactly what they need.
Deep inside that mean and critical person is a person that is usually afraid he or she is unlovable. It is our challenge to rise above the negative attitude and love the injured person inside. How do you show love when someone is negative? You must listen to what she is trying to tell you. Acknowledge the feelings she has by saying something like, "You sound very angry right now." Even if you don't quite understand the person's feelings, know that your reality is different from someone else's. Ask how you might help the negative person. This shows legitimate interest in her happiness. Offer a hug even if you get rejected. Remember not to take a rejection of your love personally. A negative person often has difficulty receiving love from others.
Focus on the Positive
If you try really hard, there is always something positive to be found in any situation. Pretend you are on a treasure hunt and search for any gold or jewels you can emphasize. Even a negative person has positive qualities. When a person is drowning in negativity, it can be difficult for them to see the positive. So often my clients focus on the negative aspects of themselves. They forget about all the great things they are doing. I admit that sometimes a negative person doesn't want to see the positive. This might require her to shift her outlook. Negativity can become a habit and habits are hard to break. Be patient and gently remind your grumpy friend or family member to look for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Hopefully, in her down time, she will begin to reflect on what you have said.
Ask Negative People to Elaborate
You may hear a negative person say things like: "Women are fickle." "You can't trust doctors." "My husband makes me miserable." These kinds of statements are a type of cognitive distortion referred to as generalizations. To help a person sort through her distorted thinking, ask for more specifics. Questions like "Which women are fickle?" or "What specifically about your husband is making you miserable?" forces a person to evaluate what he or she is really trying to say. A negative person will give up because either it takes too much effort to explain himself, or he or she will get to the bottom of the issue.
Detach and Avoid Trying to Change the Negative Person
Learning to detach emotionally from a negative person can greatly benefit you and the other person. A negative person will fight you if you try to change them. If you want, you can try a little reverse psychology and agree with everything she says. I once read a great article about a mother who was exasperated with her son's negative mood. Everything she tried to soothe him and make him feel better backfired. She finally gave up and started agreeing with everything he said. When her son told her his friends were mean, she agreed with him. When he complained that his teacher didn't know anything, she couldn't agree more. After several minutes of this kind of dialogue with her son, his mood suddenly shifted. He declared that he was tired and he went to bed with a smile on his face.
Stay Away from Negative People
If you have negative people in your life that are critically affecting your mental and physical health, you need to evaluate whether or not you want these people in your life. Some people are so chronically negative that you have no other choice but to remove them from your life. It's possible to do that with friends. You can find another job if your boss or other co-workers are bringing you down. Other people, such as children and spouses, are difficult to remove from your life. In this instance, professional counseling may be the answer. To protect your well being, you need to enforce very strong boundaries with negative people.
Keep Your Own Negative Thoughts in check
If you do nothing else but focus on managing your own negative thoughts and behavior, you will come a long way toward remaining positive. A negative attitude is contagious, but a positive attitude is infectious as well. Hang out with positive people that encourage you to be your best self. Use positive affirmations to overcome negative self-talk. Express your gratitude for all the positive things in your life. Take the time every day to watch all the beautiful things going on around you. Read inspirational material and listen to joyful music. Take care of yourself spiritually. Do whatever you have to do to remain positive and happy despite the negativity you face. The world will be a better place because of you and your attitude. And you never know, you just might help a negative person make a change to a better way of living.
© Copyright Lori Radun. All rights reserved.
I am real proud of you, honey. It takes a very strong person to make drastic (but positive) changes in their life. I love watching you grow, very inspirational!
Negative & Toxic People
7 Ways to Deal with the Negative People
Have you ever been faced with trying to stay positive when others around you are negative? Negative people can be a challenge to be around. They will bring you down and drain your energy. A negative person can throw your best laid plans to be positive right out the window. Whether your child or spouse has an occasional negative day or you deal with a family member, friend or co-worker that is chronically negative, there are things you can do to remain positive in the face of negativity.
Let the Negativity Pass
Whatever you do, do not argue with a negative person. Arguing only adds fuel to the fire. A negative person will feed off any negativity that will strengthen his mood or attitude. I have noticed when my children are in a crabby mood, it is best to avoid trying to convince them to analyze and adjust their attitude. As soon as I take the approach of being in opposition with them, they seize the opportunity to prove to me that life stinks. Their negativity intensifies and the situation gets worse before it gets better. Sometimes the best thing to do is remain silent and let the negativity pass.
Negative People Need Love
You know how difficult it can be to give love and positive attention to negative people. Unfortunately, that is often exactly what they need.
Deep inside that mean and critical person is a person that is usually afraid he or she is unlovable. It is our challenge to rise above the negative attitude and love the injured person inside. How do you show love when someone is negative? You must listen to what she is trying to tell you. Acknowledge the feelings she has by saying something like, "You sound very angry right now." Even if you don't quite understand the person's feelings, know that your reality is different from someone else's. Ask how you might help the negative person. This shows legitimate interest in her happiness. Offer a hug even if you get rejected. Remember not to take a rejection of your love personally. A negative person often has difficulty receiving love from others.
Focus on the Positive
If you try really hard, there is always something positive to be found in any situation. Pretend you are on a treasure hunt and search for any gold or jewels you can emphasize. Even a negative person has positive qualities. When a person is drowning in negativity, it can be difficult for them to see the positive. So often my clients focus on the negative aspects of themselves. They forget about all the great things they are doing. I admit that sometimes a negative person doesn't want to see the positive. This might require her to shift her outlook. Negativity can become a habit and habits are hard to break. Be patient and gently remind your grumpy friend or family member to look for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Hopefully, in her down time, she will begin to reflect on what you have said.
Ask Negative People to Elaborate
You may hear a negative person say things like: "Women are fickle." "You can't trust doctors." "My husband makes me miserable." These kinds of statements are a type of cognitive distortion referred to as generalizations. To help a person sort through her distorted thinking, ask for more specifics. Questions like "Which women are fickle?" or "What specifically about your husband is making you miserable?" forces a person to evaluate what he or she is really trying to say. A negative person will give up because either it takes too much effort to explain himself, or he or she will get to the bottom of the issue.
Detach and Avoid Trying to Change the Negative Person
Learning to detach emotionally from a negative person can greatly benefit you and the other person. A negative person will fight you if you try to change them. If you want, you can try a little reverse psychology and agree with everything she says. I once read a great article about a mother who was exasperated with her son's negative mood. Everything she tried to soothe him and make him feel better backfired. She finally gave up and started agreeing with everything he said. When her son told her his friends were mean, she agreed with him. When he complained that his teacher didn't know anything, she couldn't agree more. After several minutes of this kind of dialogue with her son, his mood suddenly shifted. He declared that he was tired and he went to bed with a smile on his face.
Stay Away from Negative People
If you have negative people in your life that are critically affecting your mental and physical health, you need to evaluate whether or not you want these people in your life. Some people are so chronically negative that you have no other choice but to remove them from your life. It's possible to do that with friends. You can find another job if your boss or other co-workers are bringing you down. Other people, such as children and spouses, are difficult to remove from your life. In this instance, professional counseling may be the answer. To protect your well being, you need to enforce very strong boundaries with negative people.
Keep Your Own Negative Thoughts in check
If you do nothing else but focus on managing your own negative thoughts and behavior, you will come a long way toward remaining positive. A negative attitude is contagious, but a positive attitude is infectious as well. Hang out with positive people that encourage you to be your best self. Use positive affirmations to overcome negative self-talk. Express your gratitude for all the positive things in your life. Take the time every day to watch all the beautiful things going on around you. Read inspirational material and listen to joyful music. Take care of yourself spiritually. Do whatever you have to do to remain positive and happy despite the negativity you face. The world will be a better place because of you and your attitude. And you never know, you just might help a negative person make a change to a better way of living.
© Copyright Lori Radun. All rights reserved.
T
T-Cake
Guest
Thanks for saying that, Jen. It's true, it's so hard to actually dislike her, but I do. I just want to love my mom -- I honestly do. She makes it nearly impossible to do so. I got this huge email back from her today and she was turning all this blame on me and calling me spoiled and ungrateful -- judging my life and my decisions again, telling me that I am wrong and how on Earth did she raise such a selfish woman.jenscats5 said:HUGS to you girlie........
Remember toxic people come in all shapes/sizes & relationships - just cuz she's your mother doesn't make her any less toxic and just cuz she's your mother doesn't give her the right to take her negativity out on you! You're allowed to dislike her and you're allowed to be angry with her and you don't even have to like her!!
It's ok to allow yourself to feel this way -- do that & she will no longer control you....
She told me I was a bad friend to people in MI and that's why I never had any friends or people to go out with... then she was like, "I don't know what you're doing in FL... I'm just trying to save you from making the biggest mistakes of your life." She has been spying on me, I know this for sure. She has someone doing investigations on my personal life. She urges for my relationship to fall apart; she tells me that through God I can acheive anything and tells me I have forgotten the power of faith because my choices are so horrific apparently. It was just full of complete bullshit -- she is so out of touch with me, so she just loves to do this to me. Take a whole email about her faults and put it all back on my head, because she's the martyr and I haven't honored and worshipped her enough.
Oh and get this -- and I quote -- she says, "I bet you cannot find ONE MOTHER out there who isn't controlling." Um, what? Ladies -- any takers on that one?
Yes, she's still so caught up in her own misery and her life revolves around it. Oddly enough, in the last 9 months I haven't lived near her, she's spent more time with friends, neighbors and co-workers than she has in the last 5 years. She says it's because her mother passed away last year and now she has the time for it -- but the reality is that my brother won't spend time with her and I was th eonly person she would ever go do stuff with. Without me, she's forced to find her own life to live.Sassy69 said:
But yes, she is nothing but negativity. Her whole email was about my father and how I should blame him for my life being such a mess and for my being fat growing up. She reminded me how he left me when I was a kid and now he's my refuge because he's so naive and has a happy life.
She's seriously crazy.The point of the email yesterday was mainly to tell her just what you said -- add something constructive and/or stop being so mean to me all the time. I point-blank told her I don't want to listen to her or talk to her if all she's going to do is 1) complain about her life or 2) tell me how my life is such a mess and how I've messed it all up and hurt everyone I know. I'm just staying away from her still; screw this.
Oh, AND she said all the therapy I've been through is bullshit because "No therapist you PAY should tell you to hate your mother." Oh mom -- seriously, does she REALLY think the counselor told me to hate her? She has no clue how therapy works. I'm finally expressing repressed anger I've had for years now... THAT is huge for me because I put myself last and hurt myself in order to make others happy. I finally decided to stand up for myself -- and she still tells me I'm wrong.
Thank you for the post; it's all great advice and so true. My dad sends me things like that all the time in email, so I love positive energy and ideas in how to train my brain to be optimistic.takniteasy said:
Thank you for saying you love to watch me grow.
That is an extremely sweet compliment, and I'm honored you feel that way. I truly know you ladies care and it means so much.I'm going to get my log out and post a mega update here in a few. Love you girls.
T
T-Cake
Guest
T-Cake MEGA Update!Once again... 3 days of posts to put up here! Bear with me... but LOTS of PRs so lots of pride here today!
Thursday, February 1, 2007
Biceps & Triceps
Bar Curl (Goal: Sets of 10-12)
1. 50# curl bar x 10
2. x 10
3. x 8 WAITED 10 seconds then cranked out 2 more
I'm stubbornSkull Crushers (Goal: Set of 15)
40# curl bar x 15 x 3 sets
Goal! I'll try 50# bar next timeStanding DB Curl (Goal: 3 sets w/ 30# dbs)
1. 30# dbs x 3, 25# dbs x 10 30# is just wayyyy harder than I always imagine it will be... workin' on it...
2. 25# dbs x 10
3. same as 2 SOMEDAY it won't be that hard...
Tricep Rope Pull (on knees) (Goal: Increase weight today)
1. 45# "heavy" x 12
2. 50# x 6, DS 45# x 4
3. 50# x 5, DS 45# x 4 Made goal today! Will do all DS next time until I can get all 10s with the 50#
Abs Bonus
Super Set Crunches & Leg Drops:
25 mat crunches + 20 leg drops to floor while gripping mat overhead
Repeat 3 times
Saturday, February 3, 2007
Lower Body: Week 2 of "20-rep-sets"
At least today I was braced for the burn I knew I was going to be feeling regardless!
Leg Press
1. 90# x 20
2. 110# x 20 --> Start here next time
3. 120# x 20
Increases since last time!Good Mornings (Goal: Increase weight; NOT 20 reps on this one)
1. squat rack bar + 45# x 12
2. squat rack bar + 50# x 10 Goal MADE!
3. same as 2 YOWZA
Dead Lifts @ Squat Rack
1. squat bar + 50# x 20
2. squat bar + 55# x 20 Increase from last week!
3. same as 2
Prone Leg Curls
1. 45# x 20
2. SURPRISE! I did all 45#... I was only planning on one set with 'em!
3. same, same, same!
Leg Extensions (Goal: 1 set with 40# ea. leg)
1. 40# each leg x 20 Dear Lord, MADE it, but B U R N!
2. 35# x 20
3. same as 2 Had to drop it... I barely made set 1 to 20!
Seated Calve Raises (Goal: Increase weight but still get to 20 reps)
1. 50# x 20
2. 55# x 20 Made it!
3. same as 2
After this session I was wasted exhausted. Couldn't believe I made it through all that. THEN I had to cardio...
20 minutes HIIT on Precor elliptical
20 minutes steady-state on Rowing Machine, level 8-10(max)
20 minutes elevators on Stairmill (L8 to L12), 1-minute intervals
I'm seriously a fucking superstar.
Sunday, February 4, 2007
Shoulders
Honestly, I seriously always think this is going to be easy... and I'm always wrong.
Shoulder Press (Smith machine) (Goal: Sets of 10-12)
WU: 25# x 8
1. 30# x 12
2. 35# x 10 90 second rest; needed it to get to 10 reps!
3. 35# x 10
Made it and literally LAUGHED and SMILED as I pushed rep 10... I was shocked I actually did it!Upright Row @ Squat Rack (Goal: All 25#, all 12 reps)
1. squat rack bar + 20# x 12
2. + 25# x 12 20# is too easy now; Start 25 next time
3. + 25# x 10 I can see improvements because now I make it halfway up on only the last rep or 2... before I couldn't make it all the way up to my chest by, like, rep 5!
DB Lateral Raises (Goal: All 20# dbs x 12 --> DS as needed to 15#)
1. 20# dbs x 12, 15# x 8
2. 20# dbs x 12, 15# x 8
3. 20# dbs x 9, 15# x 7
I COULD have done only with 30# dbs, but I don't feel like I work the shoulders as well by only using those dbs... the lat delts just feel exhausted when I drop set... so I guess I'll stick with this pattern. Ulter says I'm finally getting caps!
DB Read Delt Row on Bench (Goal: All 45# x 10)
1. 45# SDB x 10 each side
2. same as 1
3. Jokingly did this... but I did it! 50# SDB x 6, 45# SDB x 6 DS it and man alive, that was funny to me!
Incline DB Compound Press (Goal: 20# dbs x 12, 3 sets)
1. 20# dbs x 10
2. 20# dbs x 8 I put them down and was like...
WTF?!3. 20# dbs x 10 Atta, girl! PUSH!
Abs SuperSets
25 mat crunches + 20 mat leg drops
Rest 1 minute, repeat 3 times.
After that workout, it was time for spin class... 75 minutes!
QUEEN OF THE COOL KIDS CLUB!
Proud gym weekend for me.
Night ladies.
J
jenscats5
Guest
^^ Damn girl, look at those lifts & PRs!! You seriously rock!!
Sounds like your mother is trying to control you & since she cannot, it's driving her crazy.....Remember - birthing & raising a child does NOT make someone a good person -- not everyone unfortunately treats their children (even as adults) well and it's ok to not like your parents and just not talk to them if they treat you that badly. Life is too short to put up with her BS and you are way too good of a person to put up with it.
Sounds like your mother is trying to control you & since she cannot, it's driving her crazy.....Remember - birthing & raising a child does NOT make someone a good person -- not everyone unfortunately treats their children (even as adults) well and it's ok to not like your parents and just not talk to them if they treat you that badly. Life is too short to put up with her BS and you are way too good of a person to put up with it.
