T-Cake's 2006 Log

[jenscats5]

I see myself in this picture. I get sad when I look at it. I use my own before pictures as inspiration sometimes, but I think athletes are far more inspiring nowadays. But those fat rolls -- huge ones -- 4 of them... are ALL too familiar to me. It makes me want to cry.

Que, I TOTALLY know you meant well and you always have great, wonderful things to say. I just had to be honest about how I viewed this photo... it's wayyyy too close to how I used to look back at 260 lbs. I never want to look like that again, so yes, it's a motivation in that way...

... but honestly, I feel really bad for those women who subjected themselves to that photo shoot just for a laugh. Please note I'm saying this as an opportunity to make a personal platform statement and in NO WAY am I mad at Que for posting this -- if anything, I'm glad she did because it finally gives me a chance to explain WHY coming to Elite was/is so hard for me to do

It's sad that people who are larger don't respect themselves enough anymore to take care of themselves -- these women just did that photo shoot to encourage the world to make fun of them more. I see postcards like this ALL OVER THE PLACE here in FL now. *sigh* And then people like me -- walking around large and in charge but trying to get healthy -- STILL get ridiculed because people perceive "fat" as "not trying". And yes, I know that I'm now 164 and not morbidly obese like I used to be... but I still have the same brain and the same feelings.

I feel like it's my mission in life to bridge the fit people and the overweight community so we can help each other out, not alienate or judge.

Thank you to everyone on here who has made me feel welcome. It's taken more bravery and courage to be here than you'll ever know -- I've even shed tears over my fear, trust me. You are helping to make my transition to greatness a lot easier.

What an excellent post!! Good work there T-cake!! We're glad you're here @ EF!!



Edit to add: At my heaviest weight, I was 170lbs and wore (tightly) a size 16....and I'm only 5'4".....so I can understand the negativity, etc.....

 

[Miss24k]

TC I just read through the last few pages of your log, and I can understand your concerns about posting your pics, maybe there aren't many ladies on here that are were where you started, but that doesn't mean you don't inspire them or aren't helpful.

After reading your log I think you're awesome, and the only person you need to prove anything to is yourself. I hope you keep reaching your goals

You have a new admirer

 

[Gymgurl]

I was 220 after I had my last baby....believe me look at my pics..I am NO WAY ripped like these ladies just pretty average...I have been there. I am so pround of you all your weight loss!!!

 

[T-Cake]

I hope you know that I would never in a million years have ever posted that picture if I thought it would have hurt you in any way.

I've tipped the 200 lb mark myself. So I just stopped getting on the scale. Just getting out of the car exhausted me. I avoided being in any pictures and I was always hiding. I see that pic as motivation to NOT go back there. The one on the right has my hair color, the same pasty white skin and looks a lot like me at my heaviest. I still have days when I just want to hide because I feel so big. The days when I truelly feel like I did at my heaviest. Letting go of the emotional pain that accompanied my obesity hasn't been easy, especially when it's been my companion for what seems like eternity.

You have accomplished something that very very very few people in this life will ever have the right to claim. You have lost 100+ pounds one drop of sweat at a time. No quick fix, just literally blood sweat, tears and dedication, not to mention a few dump-truck loads of courage.

I cannot even begin to explain how much of an inspiration you are, there just are not enough words.

I am so very very sorry that I've posted something that had caused so much pain and if I've posted anything on any thread that caused anyone hurt in any way please know that it was not intentional.

Que, I you. I really really had to think through what I'd write about that picture and how I was feeling before I actually DID it because I didn't want to hurt YOU in the process or make you feel like you did something wrong.

Honestly, you know how in life you just have those moments where you think, "Ok, THIS is why I'm here on this planet"? Well, when I was on my walk yesterday, stomping out all my feelings and my tears and frustrations in the rain (yes -- very dramatic, it was insane)... my little mission just CAME to me. I am the in-between QUEEN. I'm like the freakin' DISCIPLE.

Anyway, honey, NO HARD FEELINGS whatsoever. This is just part -- like Bunny was saying -- of my emotional journey and I'm just coping with that feeling I had. Ulter said to me, "You can't keep reliving the past and reliving those feelings -- it's the PAST."

He is right, I know. These things -- like all worthwhile things -- just take time.

THANK YOU to Jen and quadzilla and Gymgurl and Bunny and Jamie and Treil and everyone on here who has been so kind to me and picked me up lately.

I know I keep b*tching that I don't belong and how hard it is for me to be here... but sometimes *cowers with embarassment* I just need to feel needed and accepted.

Odd, I know. I'm sure no one knows what that's like.

 

[*Bunny*]

I'm sure no one knows what that's like.

Nahhh, not at all


Now STFU & Train ... with nuttin but

.. see you have YOUR fan club .. now go kick some ass woman, damn .. and kick ulters while you're at it ...

 

[T-Cake]

Nahhh, not at all


Now STFU & Train ... with nuttin but

.. see you have YOUR fan club .. now go kick some ass woman, damn .. and kick ulters while you're at it ...

Thanks ya'.

Food is goin' well today -- supposed to go lift upper body tonight, but seeing that it's 6pm and I still haven't EATEN yet... hmm... not sure.

Shoulder feels decent today, so I'd love to get that in! Though -- from what he posted earlier -- it looks like curgeo is going to kick my ASS on Saturday! Haha -- I'm not scared of him!!!

 

[jenscats5]

I know I keep b*tching that I don't belong and how hard it is for me to be here... but sometimes *cowers with embarassment* I just need to feel needed and accepted.

Odd, I know. I'm sure no one knows what that's like.

Vent/Bitch away all you'd like..... And *everyone* needs affirmation at times - nothing wrong with feeling that way & nothing wrong with asking for it.....

And NO - it's not odd......

 

[T-Cake]

Ok seriously -- we need to create a Sorority Name or something for this board.

I'm sure there are already some floating around (e.g. Iron Angels)... but really now.

Now I'm just feelin' the love.

 

[*Bunny*]

Ok seriously -- we need to create a Sorority Name or something for this board.

I'm sure there are already some floating around (e.g. Iron Angels)... but really now.

Now I'm just feelin' the love.

We just all come up with really weird nicknames for each other

Gettin' all ladies to agree on something? What a challenge ...

 

[curgeo]

I want to be the token guy in the sorority. I can do a good Will Ferrell impression!!!!

Tcake, you are a great person as is the old guy you are hanging out with. I am sitting here studying for my Goddamn anatomy class that will never end and needed a break so here I am. You need to take a look at who you are NOW and what you are becoming. Not only yourself, but think of how everyone of us has been through our own evolution not only of the body, but of the mind and spirit. I told you before that I felt trapped in the body of a bodybuilder and it became a negative to me. Here I was with abs and a phsique a lot of people would probably like to obtain, but I saw it as my calves were small, I need more upper chest....and so on. It's all your own perspective of who you are and how you define yourself. Take a hard look not only in the mirror, but at who you are. Teacher of the year, hanging out with a guy I would give my right to if he asked me, a funny and great person that is WAAAAY smarter than I am, a joy to be around and a person who has a passion for life that is contagious. The outside appearance may be what people see at first, but it doesn't define you....only YOU can define you. What you are doing is not only changing your body, but you are transforming yourself emotionally and mentally. Let the past go as you are not the same person in body, mind nor spirit....You have evolved and will continue to do so over your lifetime.

You are a great person. It's time to let that pain of what you felt like when you were heavier go. Now you have the pain of hanging out with the human pin cushion........MWAHHAHHAAAA!