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rocky_road
New member
CLIFFS NOTES VERSION IN MY FIRST REPLY
This morning I walked into first period with a note from my swim coach telling her to stop by the room and that it's important. I already knew what it was for and I was bitter to have to carry it out. I knew that she had picked me to be the female alternate for Swimming States this Thursday and Friday, and that I'd have to tell her that I can't do it. If she had told me before Sunday, my last SAT class, I would have probobly been able to get the Thursday class moved to another date. Of course, she would wait until this morning to tell me. I had even told myself and family right after regionals that, if I was picked to be an alternate, I would say no, figuring I should do other things rather than sit around a swim meet for two days.
I immediately walked up to my coach's room to find out what exactly she needed to tell me. She looked in my eyes and said plainly: "I want you to come with us this week." I struggled, wondering what the right way is to say "no." "Um, I like, Don't think I can, like, I have SAT class on Thursday and um... I mean.. if you need me, I can" "You don't have to". Now that I had the choice, I didn't know if I wanted to go or not. Decisions change when choices are actually available. I felt like I needed to talk to my mom. "I know. well, can I get back to you?" "sure thing just call me tonight"
I walked back downstairs feeling relieved. My standpartner in first period strings made me smile as I noticed her huge, almost poster-board size valentine's day card and flowers from her boyfriend. I felt happy for her because this is the first time she's really felt very good about herself. She hasn't had a "real" boyfriend before. She gave me a cookie with icing in my name "jess" written on it... I was excited; we hadn't been hanging out at all for the past few weeks and I would have thought she would have forgotten me. I felt confident in my previously-made decision, so I asked my teacher for the pass to go tell Coach that I wouldn't be going.
For only a split second, I felt even more relieved than the first time I visited Coach, but as soon as I walked out of the room I wondered if I made the right decision. Five minutes back into class, I felt uneasy, thoughts and memories of the jealousy I had felt last year not being picked for an alternate flying through my head and i felt like I had just made a horrible mistake that would result in regret. Because two other female swimmers who did not make it to regionals were in the class, I feared that I'd never be able to change my mind because she would pick Vivian to go and tell her during that class. I couldn't concentrate on the notes in Strings because I was so stressed out. Thoughts and memories flied through my head, like the the jealousy I had felt last year not being picked for an alternate flying through my head and i felt like I had just made a horrible mistake that would result in regret.
As soon as the period ended, I hustled back to Coach's room, burst in and said "have you already picked another person?" She chuckled, seemingly annoyed: did you change your mind again? I said yes, I just need to ask my mom. (lol).
I was relieved because now I could think about it rationally all day
In third period German class, our teacher gave us Chocolate cherry cake. I thought I could resist, but as the plate showed up on my desk with a fork in it I just didn't know how to make the most out of it WITHOUT eating it! of course, I ate it, keeping the cookie in my back pack until the end of lunch, in which i nibbled on it until the whole thing was eaten.
Since then I called my mom and she wants me to do the SAT test. Oh well. I guess I should be fine about it, but I guess the only issue here is me still holding a grudge because I was NOT picked last year, when it would have been awesome....my friend and I would have had so much fun together (she went but I didn't).. and I really wanted to see my friend in Morgantown, which I could all do again this year if i cared as much as last year.
And...I totalled my calories (the cake and cookies added with breakfast and lunch) and although I probobly overexaggerated most of the things, It totaled 1930 calories. That means all I can eat tonight is like a piece of skinless chicken! That doesn't really bug me though.
I don't know. Obviously, I don't let stupid things stress me out.
(yeah, right.)Happy Fxkin Valentine's Day.
**jessica**
Icing on the cake.....car is in the shop so i've got to wait for mom to get home before I can go to the gym for my arm workout.
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