Give me your opinion on this situation PLEASE?

[mrplunkey]

Guys, his ex's "values" (or lack thereof) have to be taken into consideration here. Parenting and co-parenting are two different things. You can't always take unilateral action when the other parent would just undo it.

Remember... 14 is 2 years past the age where kids get a say in their parenting plan. And these parents live closeby which complicates any conflict.

 

[biteme]

Your answer is a cop out on both accounts.

First off I can also drink, vote, serve in the armed forces, sign for my own surgical procedures and must pay taxes. In other words the major difference between your young daughter and me is that I am a fully grown adult female.

Secondly and most importantly: YOU ARE HER FATHER. YOU HAVE SOLE PHYSICAL CUSTODY. HOW ON EARTH CAN YOU ALLOW YOUR 14 Y/O CHILD TO SMOKE?!?! NOT ONLY IS THIS INCREDIBLY UNHEALTHY - BUT IT IS ILLEGAL.

And NO - I DO NOT TAN. God made me this color and I quite like it. I dont model any more nor do I compete sooooooooooooo.

I don't think I'm gonna take your advice. You have a problem.

 

[biteme]

its alot harder to controll smoking than u think, if she dont do it in front of him, she WILL do it behind his back.

parents think they control their kids in that aspect, but in reality, they just control whether or not their kid would let them know

You know what you're talking about and the therapists told me the same thing. As well as many of the people on this board that smoked when they were young. I don't let her do it, not in front of me, but she admits that she does it.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Guys, his ex's "values" (or lack thereof) have to be taken into consideration here. Parenting and co-parenting are two different things. You can't always take unilateral action when the other parent would just undo it.

Remember... 14 is 2 years past the age where kids get a say in their parenting plan. And these parents live closeby which complicates any conflict.

I understand what you are saying Mr Plunkey.

The mother is only allowed to see the child for 3 hrs 2 x's per week.

Biteme has her the rest of the time. So as for co-parenting, etc that isn't a problem here. The child said she wanted to live with her father. So now she does and she rarely sees the mother. (once or twice per week for a handfull of ours IS rare)

The child is clearly playing BOTH to get what she wants, when she wants it.

I am not siding with either parent as they have both been played by this little girl. I know this is a bitter pill to swallow as I have had to swallow the same pill. But when I read those words from a few professionals that actually had their heads screwed on properly AND who gave a rat's ass it was a stark wake-up call to me.

Since I have put my foot down with my oldest and have not allowed her to play me OR my family, the child is happier and we have a better relationship PERIOD.

Biteme needs to stop focusing on trying to "fuck his ex" and be a parent that is going to step up to the plate. I mean, he DID fight for custody, did he not? So now that he has SOLE PHYSICAL CUSTODY HE SHOULD BE THE FATHER THAT THAT CHILD NEEDS.

I am not passing judgement OR trying to give Biteme a hard time.

As I said, I have had to swallow the same pill. It was fucking hard to choke down at first. But once I swallowed real hard... I realized, "WHAT THE FUCK was I so afraid of?" Went down as easily as water.

ALL four of my daughters are much happier now and we are all doing our best to make their circumstances better.

I dont give a damn if my children like me or not. Parenting is NOT a popularity contest.

And for the young master that said this is about controlling your children; it is not. It is about teaching them SELF-RESPECT and SELF-CONTROL.

I wish Biteme and his daughter only happiness and good things.

 

[biteme]

I understand what you are saying Mr Plunkey.

The mother is only allowed to see the child for 3 hrs 2 x's per week.

Biteme has her the rest of the time. So as for co-parenting, etc that isn't a problem here. The child said she wanted to live with her father. So now she does and she rarely sees the mother. (once or twice per week for a handfull of ours IS rare)

The child is clearly playing BOTH to get what she wants, when she wants it.

I am not siding with either parent as they have both been played by this little girl. I know this is a bitter pill to swallow as I have had to swallow the same pill. But when I read those words from a few professionals that actually had their heads screwed on properly AND who gave a rat's ass it was a stark wake-up call to me.

Since I have put my foot down with my oldest and have not allowed her to play me OR my family, the child is happier and we have a better relationship PERIOD.

Biteme needs to stop focusing on trying to "fuck his ex" and be a parent that is going to step up to the plate. I mean, he DID fight for custody, did he not? So now that he has SOLE PHYSICAL CUSTODY HE SHOULD BE THE FATHER THAT THAT CHILD NEEDS.

I am not passing judgement OR trying to give Biteme a hard time.

As I said, I have had to swallow the same pill. It was fucking hard to choke down at first. But once I swallowed real hard... I realized, "WHAT THE FUCK was I so afraid of?" Went down as easily as water.

ALL four of my daughters are much happier now and we are all doing our best to make their circumstances better.

I dont give a damn if my children like me or not. Parenting is NOT a popularity contest.

And for the young master that said this is about controlling your children; it is not. It is about teaching them SELF-RESPECT and SELF-CONTROL.

I wish Biteme and his daughter only happiness and good things.

If you truly mean the last part of what you said, then I can listen to whatever else you have to say whether I agree with or not. Sometimes I just think you are bitter and it seems to show in your posts. Like Kakdiesel will fuck with someone, saying something really ugly and then say he was just joking to get him self out of it. I dont believe him.

 

[Bikini Mod]

If you truly mean the last part of what you said, then I can listen to whatever else you have to say whether I agree with or not. Sometimes I just think you are bitter and it seems to show in your posts. Like Kakdiesel will fuck with someone, saying something really ugly and then say he was just joking to get him self out of it. I dont believe him.

Darlin - I would NEVER fuck with anyone.

All of my posts towards you are straight up. I am anything BUT bitter.

You asked a question and I gave you the same answer I would give my sister (who I owe my life to) or my dearest girlfriend (who I love).

Whether you like it or not - I am not an ass-kisser here or in the real world. I was giving you an honest answer like a FRIEND.

A true friend isn't someone that tells you what you want to hear.

A true friend is someone that isn't afraid to tell you what THEY THINK is in your best interest... even when that point of view might hurt.

My comments towards you are NEVER EVER designed to be malicious.

But as I said, I am not going to baby you or hold your hand through this.

Your daughter is playing you AND your ex.

Be her father Biteme... NOT her "girlfriend". She NEEDS a strong and consistent parental figure to set boundaries for her and teach her self-control and self-respect.

If you died today who would be there for her?

TEACH HER before she ends up out in the world. The world will be a far more harsh teacher.

Teach your daughter with firmness, consistency and love.

 

[biteme]

Darlin - I would NEVER fuck with anyone.

All of my posts towards you are straight up. I am anything BUT bitter.

You asked a question and I gave you the same answer I would give my sister (who I owe my life to) or my dearest girlfriend (who I love).

Whether you like it or not - I am not an ass-kisser here or in the real world. I was giving you an honest answer like a FRIEND.

A true friend isn't someone that tells you what you want to hear.

A true friend is someone that isn't afraid to tell you what THEY THINK is in your best interest... even when that point of view might hurt.

My comments towards you are NEVER EVER designed to be malicious.

But as I said, I am not going to baby you or hold your hand through this.

Your daughter is playing you AND your ex.

Be her father Biteme... NOT her "girlfriend". She NEEDS a strong and consistent parental figure to set boundaries for her and teach her self-control and self-respect.

If you died today who would be there for her?

TEACH HER before she ends up out in the world. The world will be a far more harsh teacher.

Teach your daughter with firmness, consistency and love.

I'm doing the best I can. It's not easy.

 

[mrplunkey]

Parenting isn't a popularity contest, and spending your energy trying to inconvenience your ex isn't in the kids best interests.

With that behind us, it's still almost impossible to make and maintain unilateral decisions in a sitatuation with two divorced parents. If both parents are "hands-on", it becomes a day-to-day negotiation and battles have to be chosen carefully. I have to pick and choose them daily.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Parenting isn't a popularity contest, and spending your energy trying to inconvenience your ex isn't in the kids best interests.

With that behind us, it's still almost impossible to make and maintain unilateral decisions in a sitatuation with two divorced parents. If both parents are "hands-on", it becomes a day-to-day negotiation and battles have to be chosen carefully. I have to pick and choose them daily.

I know it isnt easy Biteme and I am NOT jumping on your case. I would never do that.

I agree with Mr Plunkey - raising a teenager is not an easy thing. Add all this other "noise" into the mix and it makes you want to jump out of a window.

Pick and choose your battles, but be consistent and firm. The child is screaming for someone to set boundaries. At first they will sooooooo resist. But once you do and stick to it, they will be sooooooo much happier... Think about it. It will be one less decision that they have to make. They are already bombarded with so much bullshit.

I am outta here for the next few days.

You be well and think about what Mr Plunkey and I said.

I dont have the answers darlin, but I can see when a child is playing both parents. Once you've accepted this you will be better able to do all that needs be done.

 

[Spanky11]

I think you should bring them both to the track to watch daddy race against longhorn.