Should a man have a say in whether his wife or girlfriend has an abortion?

[CASS]

im sorry to hear that sounds like you had it and are having it hard, i understand the choice you would have to make and it's good that you have a hubby that would go with that. ( i have to say im not totally all bad, just on the facts you have put down i would support my wife in the same manner without question). i would support my wife anyway without question but i would just be upset and very hurt if an important choice like that was made as if my feeling/thoughts/choice didnt matter.

i agree about a loving marraige and that making it a more complex situation, i guess thats what i was talking about, trouble is i get so flustered about it i forget to state the obvious at times. if theres no comittment then what right would he have and i agree with that, but i guess in a stable marriage without any complex ongoing issues i would have a real problem with a single person choice.

When the couple is married and is in a loving relationship the matter is not so simple. An unplanned pregnancy in a marriage can lead to disastrous circumstances if the couple can not agree on whether or not to continue. Think about that child who has a mother that never wanted it but was forced in essence to keep it. Would you want such a mother for YOUR child?

My husband is quite a bit older than I and already has two sets of children from previous marriages. My circumstances with my own children are terribly painful. I am on the cusp of being too old to conceive but it could still happen. My health would be terribly compromised and I really dont WANT a newborn but because of how my children have been kept from me I would have a very hard time terminating a pregnancy. My husband would be equally emotionally devastated to have to terminate a pregnancy if I were to become pregnant but ultimately he knows that it would be my decision.

All rational thought would be to terminate... but we would be VERY emotionally torn.

Ultimately though, he knows that it would fall on me as I would be the one to be pregnant and be the primarily caretaker.

I think I would die of a broken heart were I to be faced with such a decision.

 

[Bikini Mod]

im sorry to hear that sounds like you had it and are having it hard, i understand the choice you would have to make and it's good that you have a hubby that would go with that. ( i have to say im not totally all bad, just on the facts you have put down i would support my wife in the same manner without question). i would support my wife anyway without question but i would just be upset and very hurt if an important choice like that was made as if my feeling/thoughts/choice didnt matter.

i agree about a loving marraige and that making it a more complex situation, i guess thats what i was talking about, trouble is i get so flustered about it i forget to state the obvious at times. if theres no comittment then what right would he have and i agree with that, but i guess in a stable marriage without any complex ongoing issues i would have a real problem with a single person choice.

I am not facing this situation, THANK GOD, but only illustrating how it can become very complex where it to take place within a loving or even less than loving marriage. My husband and I have discussed though, what would happen if we were to concieve a child. Regardless it wouldn't mean a thing though unless it happened as all hypothetics go out the window once the baby has been made.

Think about it. A woman is married to a less than stellar man and doesn't WANT to bring a child into such a union, but she wants the baby very much. There are many different variations but the end result is the same - the responsibility will rest with the mother.

It isn't always cut and dried.

But in the case where the people are not legally married and the woman does not want the child, I am sorry, I have to side with the woman as she is the one who will risk her life to give that child life - not the man. If a man wants a baby that badly then he should be free to hire a surrogate.

Until science finds a way for a baby to be grown outside of a woman's uterus men MUST accept that this decision is left up to the mother alone. If the woman is less than stellar than that man should keep his dick in his pants, lest he should father a child with her.

 

[cindylou]

I am not facing this situation, THANK GOD, but only illustrating how it can become very complex where it to take place within a loving or even less than loving marriage. My husband and I have discussed though, what would happen if we were to concieve a child. Regardless it wouldn't mean a thing though unless it happened as all hypothetics go out the window once the baby has been made.

Think about it. A woman is married to a less than stellar man and doesn't WANT to bring a child into such a union, but she wants the baby very much. There are many different variations but the end result is the same - the responsibility will rest with the mother.

It isn't always cut and dried.

But in the case where the people are not legally married and the woman does not want the child, I am sorry, I have to side with the woman as she is the one who will risk her life to give that child life - not the man. If a man wants a baby that badly then he should be free to hire a surrogate.

Until science finds a way for a baby to be grown outside of a woman's uterus men MUST accept that this decision is left up to the mother alone. If the woman is less than stellar than that man should keep his dick in his pants, lest he should father a child with her.

wow.
great post bmom.
I totally agree.

 

[CASS]

i agree with that esp. where they are not leagally married.

just to raise a point in the UK you can not hire a surrogate that's illegal

I am not facing this situation, THANK GOD, but only illustrating how it can become very complex where it to take place within a loving or even less than loving marriage. My husband and I have discussed though, what would happen if we were to concieve a child. Regardless it wouldn't mean a thing though unless it happened as all hypothetics go out the window once the baby has been made.

Think about it. A woman is married to a less than stellar man and doesn't WANT to bring a child into such a union, but she wants the baby very much. There are many different variations but the end result is the same - the responsibility will rest with the mother.

It isn't always cut and dried.

But in the case where the people are not legally married and the woman does not want the child, I am sorry, I have to side with the woman as she is the one who will risk her life to give that child life - not the man. If a man wants a baby that badly then he should be free to hire a surrogate.

Until science finds a way for a baby to be grown outside of a woman's uterus men MUST accept that this decision is left up to the mother alone. If the woman is less than stellar than that man should keep his dick in his pants, lest he should father a child with her.

 

[sardonicone]

WIVES ARE NOT PROPERTY.

What you are doing in wishing for such a law is turning women into people incapable of making their own decisions.

I won't even go into the psychology of the poor child born into a relationship where it was FORCED to be born because "daddy wanted you and mommy didn't" Way better to not be born at all, man, trust me.

Not to me it isn't.

This is a hot topic issue though and I don't feel like going all into it. Suffice to say, if my wife got pregnant and aborted, I'd leave her, no hesitation, no thought about it whatsoever.

The only reason I'd even still talk to her would be for the sake of our Child.

 

[sardonicone]

Apology accepted. I feel for those men that would make stellar fathers but think about it like this. Why would a man WANT a mother that doesnt WANT his child... for HIS child? Would it not be better for that man's child to have a different mother?

As far as the mother is concerned if she truly wants that baby and no connection to the man because he truly does not want or care for THAT BABY (not about the mother here) then she should have the right to make him terminate his parental rights and not get a dime in material support from him.

It is a very fair proposition.

But if it's the other way around, she can kill said baby and tell the guy to go stick it?

Yeah, that's awesomely fair.

 

[cindylou]

But if it's the other way around, she can kill said baby and tell the guy to go stick it?

Yeah, that's awesomely fair.

It's not fair but it cant be unless you can find a way to carry the baby yourself. ? I'm not saying fair is right and what's right and what's wrong ; but it just cant be fair in this situation. So men should be careful who they marry ; and who they sleep with. Bottom line.

 

[sardonicone]

It's not fair but it cant be unless you can find a way to carry the baby yourself. ? I'm not saying fair is right and what's right and what's wrong ; but it just cant be fair in this situation. So men should be careful who they marry ; and who they sleep with. Bottom line.

Perhaps, but I don't think many people know the other persons stance on abortion prior to jumping in the sack.

Perhaps they should, but I don't think that's exactly the type of "pillow talk" most people are used to.

At any rate, the law, for better or worse, doesn't give the man any real say in this anyways. Which makes the hypothetical speculating a moot point.

 

[redguru]

if he could carry it for 9 months.. then no problem, he can decide all he wants.

He already winds up paying for it, for at least 18 years. You shouldn't have a problem carrying it 1/24th of that period.

 

[redguru]

In a marriage, everything should be a mutual decision. Out of respect for the other person in the relationship.