One of the best anti-marriage papers Ive read

[Lumberg]

If he came to me to sign a pre-nup, yes I would. But I would not initiate a pre-nup.

Good girl.

 

[Lumberg]

One reason to get married:

The l00t you get. If and when I get married my wife and I are gonna take my friends and relatives to the cleaners!

Whatever we net from that, we can split 50-50. But assets retained after dissolution of marriage will be based on what we brough to the relationship and what we put into it. Monetarily. Period.

 

[Smurfy]

weddings are hella-expensive and unless someone else funds it, its difficult to profit.

 

[geminitwins]

If he came to me to sign a pre-nup, yes I would. But I would not initiate a pre-nup. Fairness and communication are very important to relationships. What's mine is mine and what's yours is yours.

Problem is that fairness and communication tend to fly out the window when it comes to divorce. We all hope that we would act in a manner that would make Ms Ethics proud, but divorce can be such a painful thing that emotions completely take over and the desire to hurt and get back and all those negative things step in.

 

[Lumberg]

weddings are hella-expensive and unless someone else funds it, its difficult to profit.

The father of the bride always pays for the wedding and he is the only person involved who hates the whole process more than the groom.



You know I thought of another reason to wait to get married;

the longer you wait, the richer and more established your friends and relatives tend to be.

You just have to find that sweet spot where you're still perceived as starting out and needing material support but your friends and relatives are al making six figures.

Also make sure to invite tons and tons of people to the wedding, people that you know are like too old or too far away to make it, but that way they feel obligated to send a present.

Damn Now I can hardly wait to get married! I wonder if this is what it feels like to have a bar Mitzvah?

 

[Kroliczek]

Problem is that fairness and communication tend to fly out the window when it comes to divorce. We all hope that we would act in a manner that would make Ms Ethics proud, but divorce can be such a painful thing that emotions completely take over and the desire to hurt and get back and all those negative things step in.

I disagree...and it depends on the person. I know only who I am and what I stand for. This is why emotions should be kept out of all big decisions..

 

[Smurfy]

there are also alot of instances where the bride and groom have to fund the wedding themselves. Ive actually seen this alot. Damn I couldnt imagine putting out 30K myself that would be the suck.

 

[velvett]

ok velvett let me play devil's advocate.

Why does she deserve 50%? At the time he "forbade" her to work, she could have ended the relationship right there. She made a choice at that time to stay in the relationship and abice by his rules. She was and is an adult.

This is similar to your "if you have a penis, then don't breed" argument. If she wanted to accumulate some equity in the marriage, she should have either insisted on working or divorced him. What give her the right to half of his shit?

Well, they had been dating 4 years and married 3 years and she worked up until they tried to "get pregnant" which started in 1968 (a completey different time and generation), after a miscarriage they get pregnant with me in Feb of 1969. From the little I know that both my parents have verified - they stopped sleeping in the same bed when I was about 18 months old because my father "need to rest" because he was a "busy man".

Why didn't she leave him? Well, gee it's the 60's and it's not unusual for the wife to stay home and take care of the famiy. I think in her case she fell in love and got married believeing in love, having a beautiful life, a beautiful child while hoping that one can actually find all that you wish for in love and marriage.

My parents lived in an appartment in Jamaica Queens and borrowed money from my Godfather to buy a mattress to sleep on - they didn't have any extra money beyond rent, food and transportation to their places of work. All the money aquired was done so during their marriage (can't compare that to a man of today that has assest going into a marriage). It was the unfortunate choice of my father and his ego to not let her work - she had a career she could have kept working.

After 38 years of marriage, the details and state of their marriage and being that they are in New York State - he's lucky the judge only awarded her 50%.

Back in the 80's- 85 (while I was in high school) to be exact she asked him for a divorce and he would belittle her and call her a "stupid woman" and laugh at her while he would threaten to "disapear" or "kill her himself" or "ship me back to Tehran to newphew" if she ever brought it up again and that he would not let her make him look like a "failure".

I guess you could say she earned her half huh?

Like I said - situations very.

You can't compare and 38 year marriage in that day and time to some 5-7 year marriage in th 90's or today - there is just no comparision.

 

[Lumberg]

I'm sorry velvett but putting up with that kind of shit doesn't deserve a reward. your dad sounds like a world calss asshole. but being naive, "believeing in love, having a beautiful life, a beautiful child," and too weak or scared or hemmed in by societal contraints doesn't entitle her to shit.

Sorry velvett she's entitled to my sympathy and anyone elses but not your dad's money.

 

[velvett]

I'm sorry velvett but putting up with that kind of shit doesn't deserve a reward. your dad sounds like a world calss asshole. but being naive, "believeing in love, having a beautiful life, a beautiful child," and too weak or scared or hemmed in by societal contraints doesn't entitle her to shit.

Sorry velvett she's entitled to my sympathy and anyone elses but not your dad's money.

You're certainly entiled to your opinion but she wasn't awarded 50% because she "deserved it" (believe me she's no sweet innocent and "naive" one either)she was awarded it because of the length of their marriage, when the assests were obtained and specifically NY state divorce laws.

So maybe you need to brush up on some NY divorce law before you make your judgement.


Oh and for the record - publically I have never sided with either party but my sympathies have always laid with my father - even if he's a SOB.

I also want to add - who wouldn't feel for the man he's been working his ass off my entire life and at 70 he's still working. I wouldn't want to give up half either but I would want to spend the rest of my life happy no matter what the cost.