Please Scroll Down to See Forums Below milo hobgoblin
New member
LOLsuagrplum.. fucking hilarious.
New Poll: Your Worst Sex Story!!!
- Thread starter deejay10
- Start date
A
alien amp pharm
Guest
Ok, not sex related but still funny....
A female friend of mine that sometimes spends the night (we don't have sex but she sleeps with me sometimes) came over one night and she had a skirt on. She wanted to change clothes into something easier to sleep in so I told her to go get whatever out of my bedroom to wear. She came back with one of my T-shirts and a pair of my boxers.
Now these boxers are what you would call a "cum rag" to clean up after my furious masturbation sessions. I don't think I had washed them in like 2 years, lol.
I could only imagine the crusty all over them.
She never said anything and I was too embarrassed too.
A female friend of mine that sometimes spends the night (we don't have sex but she sleeps with me sometimes) came over one night and she had a skirt on. She wanted to change clothes into something easier to sleep in so I told her to go get whatever out of my bedroom to wear. She came back with one of my T-shirts and a pair of my boxers.
Now these boxers are what you would call a "cum rag" to clean up after my furious masturbation sessions. I don't think I had washed them in like 2 years, lol.
I could only imagine the crusty all over them.
She never said anything and I was too embarrassed too.
alien amp pharm said:
Hey maybe you'll wind up a daddy though!
A
alien amp pharm
Guest
RottenWillow said:
That would be my luck....pregnant without even getting any poontang, lol.
jh1
New member
alien amp pharm said:Ok, not sex related but still funny....
A female friend of mine that sometimes spends the night (we don't have sex but she sleeps with me sometimes) came over one night and she had a skirt on. She wanted to change clothes into something easier to sleep in so I told her to go get whatever out of my bedroom to wear. She came back with one of my T-shirts and a pair of my boxers.
Now these boxers are what you would call a "cum rag" to clean up after my furious masturbation sessions. I don't think I had washed them in like 2 years, lol.
I could only imagine the crusty all over them.
She never said anything and I was too embarrassed too.
OMFG... you really are nothing more than an older version of flyxgel...
JEEEZUZ..... you sleep with girls that you aren't nailing?
Somebody HELP THIS DUDE!
A
alien amp pharm
Guest
The Ejaculator said:
Not ones I've been friends with for years.
and FYI I use to tag this one a long time ago. So take that!
GoldenDelicious
New member
lol youre a sucker, but it seems to have worked out well...except for that ban on a certain male on female act...lolChefWide said:
anyhow im a huge believer in portents. i went out with a girl who had recently gone to a fortune teller - she was gorgeous - from northern greece, balkanish, with tilted almond shaped green cats eyes, a fabulous figure...anyway she was very nice
anyway, i said, well, what did this fortune teller say? and she said "the fortune teller said taht i will get married to a guy (and she sort of described me...creepy) but he will die early in the marriage in a car wreck" 
talk about anti-viagra! i almost said, in that pathetic little voice "but we can still screw...cant we?" lol but i thought nope, im getting the hell away from this voodoo chick before it kills me
anyway this whole thread has me picturing alien amp shooting cum all over the room, house, ceiling, everybody while falling backwards in slow motion just like that scene in "True Lies" where the woman drops the uzi and it srays everywhere killing everyone
coverguy
New member
This didn't happen to me (a friend from both the Marines and College, actually) but it's really funny.
My boy was out at the bars with some of his frat brothers and had drank way too much. Anyways he started hitting on a girl that has ... lets say, eaten a few too many cheeseburgers. But, he wanted to get laid so he didn't care. Finally he takes her back to the frat house to get some lovin'. Supposedly, it was a little walk back to the house and this girl wasn't moving too quickly, and she wanted to stop for a slice of pizza. Finally, he gets her back to the house and starts getting busy. About 15-20 minutes into getting his groove on, his phone rings. Not wanting to stop, he let it ring. After several rings his machine picked up and the callers message was on speaker. He's hitting that shit doggy style when all of a sudden he hears, "Hey, XXXXXX, how'd it go with that undersexed sweathog? I know you were horny buddy, but who'd have thought you'd take home a fat pig like that. Did you find her pussy, or just fuck a flap? Anyways, i'm drunk, but at least i didn't sleep with a fatbitch!!!"
My boy said this girl was yelling, "What did he say? I'm not a pig! Do you think I'm a pig? Don't you think i'm sexy?"
Now me, I'd have gone limp at that moment, rolled over (laughing my ass off) and kicked the fatty out. But my boy, calmly says, "he's drunk and looking for my roommate who has the same name. Lets not let in ruin the mood." And goes back to tagging it. About 5 minutes later he nutted and then rushed her out the back door so none of his other friends saw her.
My boy was out at the bars with some of his frat brothers and had drank way too much. Anyways he started hitting on a girl that has ... lets say, eaten a few too many cheeseburgers. But, he wanted to get laid so he didn't care. Finally he takes her back to the frat house to get some lovin'. Supposedly, it was a little walk back to the house and this girl wasn't moving too quickly, and she wanted to stop for a slice of pizza. Finally, he gets her back to the house and starts getting busy. About 15-20 minutes into getting his groove on, his phone rings. Not wanting to stop, he let it ring. After several rings his machine picked up and the callers message was on speaker. He's hitting that shit doggy style when all of a sudden he hears, "Hey, XXXXXX, how'd it go with that undersexed sweathog? I know you were horny buddy, but who'd have thought you'd take home a fat pig like that. Did you find her pussy, or just fuck a flap? Anyways, i'm drunk, but at least i didn't sleep with a fatbitch!!!"
My boy said this girl was yelling, "What did he say? I'm not a pig! Do you think I'm a pig? Don't you think i'm sexy?"
Now me, I'd have gone limp at that moment, rolled over (laughing my ass off) and kicked the fatty out. But my boy, calmly says, "he's drunk and looking for my roommate who has the same name. Lets not let in ruin the mood." And goes back to tagging it. About 5 minutes later he nutted and then rushed her out the back door so none of his other friends saw her.
Worst sex story?Every time I have sex with the wife.LOL
