the pain, depression, confusion, and regret you are feeling are not only perfectly normal, but good. i want you to feel them. especially regret.
these notions of innocence and purity, and of being special because you're desperately trying to hold onto them...are illusory. we are all under the sway of illusions, even if we recognize them as such. that would be fine, if not for the nature of illusions -- they tend to shatter.
i'm not saying that physical intimacy shouldn't be regarded as special or sacred, or that it shouldn't be saved for someone that you care about. but if you've lost your virginity, you haven't really lost anything of import. this is flawed thinking. after having done something you regret, you are capable of reflecting and changing your behaviour in the future. you can still be true to yourself, if you know yourself. if you don't, you can venture forth with your present balance of understanding and desire and do the best you can. you can make mistakes.
you haven't lost perfection or fallen from grace. you haven't lost a source of strength. rather, you have gained in strength because you have (hopefully) learned more about yourself and burned away a small fragment of falsehood or untruth.
even if you don't recognize it now, and run in circles of fruitless mentation, you will see more of it in time...as you do more. the key is to keep doing.
i'd like for you to rent a movie called The Big Kahuna, and pay close attention to it. once you have, i'd also like to know what you think of it.