How important is intimacy to help keep a relationship healthy?

[Johnnny]

How important is intimacy to help keep a relationship healthy?

The past year my now X-GF had not thought it was that much of a big deal.

She seemed to completely loose her sex drive.

I don't know if it was the weekly medication she was taking via injection for her stomach condition or if it was simply a change of personality.

Normally you'd go out for dinner, &/or a movie or out for drinks or whatever, than come home & "get close" with eachother & "enjoy" eachothers company.


Well I'd do all those things including having picked her up at university & the subway many times, helping out her parents & cousins.


As for the bedroom, I'd sometimes go down on her for 30mins just giving her oral pleasure & so on. & I have a good technique along with the ability to maintain an erection for more fun after ejaculation so I know it's not me or my techniques as I've never had complaints as the 11 ppl I've been with in the last 8yrs, I've been with each person minimum 5-6 months at a time if not longer.


So my big question is how important is intimacy & closeness in a relationship & isn't it or shouldn't it be a natural part of a relationship?

Thanks

 

[velvett]

Intimacy is pretty important as important as verbal communication.

 

[Sassy69]

Drop down dead important.

 

[dugie65]

I ended up in a relationship like that..

we were maybe fuckin/making love/whatever 1-2 times a month and i just stopped caring. I would plan the most elaborate evenings, limo's to pick us up on anniversaries, flowers, chocolate, dinner reservations, cards, candlelit dinners, i could go on and on. NOTHING worked. I guess with some women different things mattered. She was happy with no sex, i was unhappy because of it. Find a woman with a sex drive compatable to yours.

its a huge part of a relationship no matter what the other person says. It's like saying you would date some one if they were not attractive. Can it happen? Maybe. Would you be happy while doing it? Hell no.

I ended up screwin a couple other girls on the days i wasn't with her. It gets THAT bad without intamacy in a relationship(or sex at least). Eventually we stopped seeing each other(after a year and a half) because of no sex(well i think so at least).

Then again after the breakup i went through the stages of sleeping around but.. it was nothing like with the person before because there is no attactment or feelings involved.

so remember ladies, if you have a guy you want to stay around, make sure he's happy too.

 

[Gymgurl]

Well where to start....a relationship can not be based on sex for it to last a long time. I do feel that sex is one of the most important things in a relationship, but it can't be all. You have to remeber that most women don't have the sex drive of a young man...until we get a little older....

 

[Johnnny]

velVett

Intimacy is pretty important as important as verbal communication.

That's what I thought.

We always had good verbal communication but for more than a year now our intimacy has been very low & the past 6 months non existant.

Sassy69

Drop down dead important.

I wish my I guess now X-GF had felt this way the past year.

dugie65

I ended up in a relationship like that..

we were maybe fuckin/making love/whatever 1-2 times a month and i just stopped caring. I would plan the most elaborate evenings, limo's to pick us up on anniversaries, flowers, chocolate, dinner reservations, cards, candlelit dinners, i could go on and on. NOTHING worked. I guess with some women different things mattered. She was happy with no sex, i was unhappy because of it. Find a woman with a sex drive compatable to yours.

its a huge part of a relationship no matter what the other person says. It's like saying you would date some one if they were not attractive. Can it happen? Maybe. Would you be happy while doing it? Hell no.

I ended up screwin a couple other girls on the days i wasn't with her. It gets THAT bad without intamacy in a relationship(or sex at least). Eventually we stopped seeing each other(after a year and a half) because of no sex(well i think so at least).

Then again after the breakup i went through the stages of sleeping around but.. it was nothing like with the person before because there is no attactment or feelings involved.

so remember ladies, if you have a guy you want to stay around, make sure he's happy too.

Sounds exactly what I have been going through.

I wouldn't go to the extremes of Limo's for anniverseries, but I'd take her out for a nice candle light dinner or make a candle light dinner at home with some good red wine, or take her out for nice evenings like drinks or clubbing with her friends (she just turned 23yrs old, still likes partying once in awhile as
do I).

Nothing, half the time this past year she'd just want to go home.


Last year my girlfriend bought me one of those pink Flesh Lights realistic vagina's as a joke or to use when she wasn't available. I have been using it the last year sadly.

But I will say this it feels real %100.

It was that or cheat on my girlfriend which I am not. I am not a cheater never have been. I had 4 attractive girls/women since the summer who've wanted to either date or sleep with & I turned them all down b/c I am a loyal boyfriend.

But now I realize that since basically January 2004 she has been cheating me out of a normal healthy relationship.

GymGurl

Well where to start....a relationship can not be based on sex for it to last a long time. I do feel that sex is one of the most important things in a relationship, but it can't be all. You have to remeber that most women don't have the sex drive of a young man...until we get a little older....

I totally agree that a relationship can't be based on sex or it won't last a long time.

But when all other aspects are working in a relationship minus the sex & intimacy, this type of relationship won't last long either. You can't have a relationship based on "verbal communication", only kissing, & only seeing your boyfriend once a week even with school or work.

& you don't have to tell me about women in their 30's & up having a higher sex drive than girls in their 20's.

I had 2 6 month relationships with more mature women. When I was 21 it was my 32yr old english teacher, she was about as wild as I was at the time, & the 2nd was my 36yr old boss when I was 23yrs old as I was with her about 6 months before she & her ex-husband decided to reconcile for their teenagers. Which I supported.

But I've also had girlfriends in their late teens, early & mid 20's who've wanted sex 3 times a week which is all I need.




I would honestly be happy in a relationship that had good verbal communication & honesty, closeness, enjoying eachother's company no matter what we're doing whether it's going out to dinner, having dinner & red wine at home, the movies, going out for drinks whatever, intimacy including sex 2-3 times a week.

This is my idea of a perfect relationship.


I don't understand why she has for the last 6 months+ beleives that you can have a sucessful relationship w/o sex or any sexual relation & intimacy?


She was on a weekly medication via injection for a year for her internal stomach problems, not an ulcer but causes some bleeding & swelling of joints during an episode.

She blames it on the medication which she has now been off of for about 2 months & there is still no change to her attitude.

I was just talking to her about it last night & she said that she just let's me babble on yapping my gums.

Nice eh?

She likes to put the blame on me after all the shit that I've ever done for her including moving away from my father's area & friends b/c it was always a 20min drive each way to her house & back home. I moved b/c she wanted me to & I wanted to b/c I thought it would bring us closer together.

She wants to be apart now & we're actually getting along better which is strange.


Thanks for your input.

 

[Gymgurl]

Medication does make a huge difference for diabetics and depression...so have her talk to her dr if nothing returns...her hormones might be messed up

 

[hamstershaver]

its not that important to me, my sex drive sucks, id rather eat

 

[Johnnny]

GymGurl

Medication does make a huge difference for diabetics and depression...so have her talk to her dr if nothing returns...her hormones might be messed up

What she has is Chrone's & she was on Methyltrexate for the past year but has been off it for over a month & still no change.

I've asked her to talk to her doctor about her sex drive, but she won't which tells me that she doesn't care about it anymore.

When I attempt to talk about it with her it just turns into an argument which is most of the reason why our relationship is most likely about to end.

hamstershaver

its not that important to me, my sex drive sucks, id rather eat

Come on are you for real you don't care about your sex drive?

If your sex drive sucks I would get an overall blood work done to make sure that you are completely healthy.

 

[2lunatics_ina_rubber_room]

Intimacy is paramount. W/O intimacy you can expect your significant other to be disinterested in sex. It's that emotional conection that drives sexual desire in a healthy relationship. My wife an I value emotional intimacy more than mere sexual gratification. We thrive on the emotional bond we share. Can't be beat bro !!

 

[Johnnny]

2lunatics_ina_rubber_room

Intimacy is paramount. W/O intimacy you can expect your significant other to be disinterested in sex. It's that emotional conection that drives sexual desire in a healthy relationship. My wife an I value emotional intimacy more than mere sexual gratification. We thrive on the emotional bond we share. Can't be beat bro !!

I agree, but I still say that a healthy sex life in a strong relationship is important & "SHOULD" come natural.

 

[Gymgurl]

You know talk to Soklules...she might be familar with those meds and which might be a better choice...

 

[Johnnny]

GymGurl

You know talk to Soklules...she might be familar with those meds and which might be a better choice...

Well it's already too late.

Last night she said she wants out.

The last 2 weeks that we've been apart & just talking on the phone we've actually been getting along up until last night on the phone.

She started criticising me b/c she didn't think I was working enough & when I go back to school for 1yr in my computer tech support/networking course I will only be paid 6hrs a day by my work for the time that I am at school.

She wants me to work 3-4 times a week after school which means I won't be able to go to the gym or have any time for myself.

& she criticises me for going back to school & not working full time.

What she doesn't understand is I am taking this course offered by my work to better myself & get more specialized skills to acquire a better job.

So she criticises me & then I criticise her in regards to her lack of intimacy, closeness, even an attempt to make things better, & her neglagence of not discussing it with her doctor.

Then she says she wants out & wants things to remain the way they have been for the last couple of weeks.

 

[Gymgurl]

I don't know you or her....but you don't need to be treated that way and it sounds like your getting your life together and she is not to sure about what she wants....Good luck with school and if you can remain friends do and if you can't...there are so many other women out there for you!!

 

[the-short-one]

Intimacy is pretty important as important as verbal communication.

^^^^

 

[Johnnny]

Gym Gurl

I don't know you or her....but you don't need to be treated that way and it sounds like your getting your life together and she is not to sure about what she wants....Good luck with school and if you can remain friends do and if you can't...there are so many other women out there for you!!

I would like to remain friends but she's not sure if she would be able to handle that but I'd like to be friends.

I just don't think that I've been treated as a boyfriend the last year.
& it tells me that she doesn't care what has happened if she won't even discuss her sex drive with her specialist.

I've done sooo much for her already like moving to her neighborhood 20mins away from friends & my father to bring us closer together. It was good for a few months up until after the X-Mas holidays of 2003.

We'd see eachother & have sex 2-3 times a week from August 2003-January 2004. Then I was lucky to get once a week & there would only be sex or any fooling around only once every 2-3 months.

I told her how I was feeling many times but it didn't phase her.

the-short-one

^^^^

As I said I agree that verbal communication is just as important but that was all we had for the most part.

Like I said not much intimacy or closeness.

So it made it really hard to be with her.

 

[SoKlueles]

GymGurl



What she has is Chrone's & she was on Methyltrexate for the past year but has been off it for over a month & still no change.

I've asked her to talk to her doctor about her sex drive, but she won't which tells me that she doesn't care about it anymore.

When I attempt to talk about it with her it just turns into an argument which is most of the reason why our relationship is most likely about to end.

hamstershaver



Come on are you for real you don't care about your sex drive?

If your sex drive sucks I would get an overall blood work done to make sure that you are completely healthy.

I dont know exactly what that med is, everything i have ever taken besides steroids for my Crohns disease hasnt effected my sex drive, ask hammy, i kill him
but the steroids maide me gain weight and i felt ugly and fat.....when u dont feel good about urself, i believe no matter if ur taking meds or not, your sex drive sucks, in a female

 

[Johnnny]

SoKlueless

I dont know exactly what that med is, everything i have ever taken besides steroids for my Crohns disease hasnt effected my sex drive, ask hammy, i kill him
but the steroids maide me gain weight and i felt ugly and fat.....when u dont feel good about urself, i believe no matter if ur taking meds or not, your sex drive sucks, in a female

Methyltrexate is a Cancer drug & when there is a flare up she had seemed to develop some arthritis that diminished when she began the bedication.

But I can see your point from a female's point of view not wanting sex if you don't feel good about yourself.

But I always made her feel good, but I guess it's not enough for all women?

 

[SoKlueles]

SoKlueless



Methyltrexate is a Cancer drug & when there is a flare up she had seemed to develop some arthritis that diminished when she began the bedication.

But I can see your point from a female's point of view not wanting sex if you don't feel good about yourself.

But I always made her feel good, but I guess it's not enough for all women?

Is it pentasa?
When i got that teh first time and read the side effects and read "this medicine is used to treat certain kinds of cancers" i cried
She has to feel good about herself.....i know u seem sweet in wanting to do it for her....but with me, when i took the steroids......i felt bloated and so unsexy and it didnt help with anything at all
good luck

 

[Johnnny]

SoKlueless

Is it pentasa?
When i got that teh first time and read the side effects and read "this medicine is used to treat certain kinds of cancers" i cried
She has to feel good about herself.....i know u seem sweet in wanting to do it for her....but with me, when i took the steroids......i felt bloated and so unsexy and it didnt help with anything at all
good luck

No I'm pretty sure the drug she was on is called "Methyltrexate".

Yes I understand about feeling good about herself.

But I think there's more to it than that.

& she wants out of the relationship as she says I'm putting pressure on her.

I am donig no such thing, yes I've brought up the intimacy issue as it's been 6 months now & it's greatly affected our relationship.

But this whole year I have felt more like a friend & I feel like she was pushing me towards that direction but she says she wasn't.


I truly believe that intimacy, verbal communicaction & honesty are the 3 keys to a sucessful relationship.


I also believe that if one of these 3 keys are missing & one or both parties involved aren't wiling to fix it one or all of these keys than the relationship will not last.

 

[jaded]

when u dont feel good about urself, i believe no matter if ur taking meds or not, your sex drive sucks, in a female

Tis true. And, intimacy is very important in a relationship, IMO.

 

[SoKlueles]

I believe you are totally right on that part
communication, intimacy and honesty.........i wnat that in a relationship....and i think all relationships will last on that

 

[dugie65]

sorry to say it, but most of the time it has to do with another guy.

see if she's unhappy in any other areas, if you cant fix it. Move on, you'll be happier elsewhee.

 

[Johnnny]

jaded

Tis true. And, intimacy is very important in a relationship, IMO.

That's all I wanted to hear.

SoKlueless

I believe you are totally right on that part
communication, intimacy and honesty.........i wnat that in a relationship....and i think all relationships will last on that

These 3 items are just very important to me & must be present if the couple wish to have a sucessful & long lasting relationship.

I've felt rejected for the past 6 months by someone who is supposed to be my girlfriend.

She used to train but for some reason stopped & she has the time at least 3 times a week as she's never home from university later than 2:30pm.

Yes her Chron's has caused some arthritis problems which makes it harder to do certain exercises but she has no interest of going. She says it's too expensive while her gym would allow her to pay $30/month for a year membership which she can afford.

But we've agreed that the last 3 weeks we have been getting along better as friends. Previously we'd always argue about why our relationship wasn't working & she would just turn it around on me & criticise me after all I've done for her.

I just don't get it?

Maybe we really are better off as friends.

 

[JustJacked]

intimacy/romance is very important. you want to keep the girl you gotta keep the sparkle in her eye.

 

[Johnnny]

justjacked

intimacy/romance is very important. you want to keep the girl you gotta keep the sparkle in her eye.

If you've read my other replies I've done everything that would normally sweep any girl/woman off her feet & it just doesn't work anymore.

Now we're taking time apart to do what we want, see who we want & see where this brings us.