How forgiving are you when your man does something shady?

[jaded]

ppl use alcohol as an excuse.

It's not one

Yep, alcohol is definitely NOT an excuse.

 

[Gymgurl]

Just rember alcohol gives them the added courage to do the things that they were already thinking about

 

[Jade19]

Just rember alcohol gives them the added courage to do the things that they were already thinking about

Thats the part that hurts...........

 

[Gymgurl]

Sorry...but they do call it liquid courage....maybe his drinking is the problem and maybe you can get him into a program

 

[Jade19]

Sorry...but they do call it liquid courage....maybe his drinking is the problem and maybe you can get him into a program

You don't have to be sorry hun! I like to hear advice from all you girls.

You are right drinking is his problem along with a lot of unresolved anger issues he doesn't deal with. I've tried to get him into programs, he won't.
I think hes too proud, and would feel dumb walking into AA "Hi my name is ..... and I'm an alcoholic" He even refuses to tell his father that he got a dui last july, hes ashamed.

Damn boys and all their pride......

 

[habitualhealth]

Wow, tough situation...question for you, how can you have a healthy relationship when you can't fall asleep at night with peace of mind? Trust, communication, and honesty are the 3 substancial factors of any healthy foundation (in both friendships and relationships) and the fact that he's putting you in a position (drunk or not <~~~lamo excuse btw) to question him and your relationship says to me that he really doesn't respect you nor have your best interest at hand....AND....the fact that he KNOWS this is a problem and has not changed....confirms it. The minute you begin doubting your man and your situation...IMO...you've begun to lose grip of it. Not by your fault at all...but you have to really evaluate the situation and if a man/women lacks in self awareness and doesn't recognize a prob when it surfaces and immediately make effort to promote positive change....you can pretty much bet a pattern will evolve going forward. I truly speak from experience with this...and as much as you, we, I hated to admit it...before you know it, you're caught up in a horrible addiction. (the relationship itself)

 

[Gymgurl]

Does he have a family history of drinking?

 

[Jade19]

Wow, tough situation...question for you, how can you have a healthy relationship when you can't fall asleep at night with peace of mind? Trust, communication, and honesty are the 3 substancial factors of any healthy foundation (in both friendships and relationships) and the fact that he's putting you in a position (drunk or not <~~~lamo excuse btw) to question him and your relationship says to me that he really doesn't respect you nor have your best interest at hand....AND....the fact that he KNOWS this is a problem and has not changed....confirms it. The minute you begin doubting your man and your situation...IMO...you've begun to lose grip of it. Not by your fault at all...but you have to really evaluate the situation and if a man/women lacks in self awareness and doesn't recognize a prob when it surfaces and immediately make effort to promote positive change....you can pretty much bet a pattern will evolve going forward. I truly speak from experience with this...and as much as you, we, I hated to admit it...before you know it, you're caught up in a horrible addiction. (the relationship itself)

the last part of your post is awesome. addiction, ain't it a bitch. History also tends to repeat itself. If the pattern continues and he starts drinking again, i have to leave. If alcohol is more important to him, than our relationship- there is nothing left for me in it- Besides heartbreak -

One flaw that I have tho in regards to what you said about peace of mind, trust from me doesnt come easy. I used to be a cheater, been cheated on. So its like I try to keep my eyes open to the chance that he could be fucking around, no matter what relationship im in. At first I will trust them, but you lie, get caught and then i get unresolved feelings from it then that trust doesnt come back for ALONG time. Gotta work for it, work hard.

Anyone else have soem hardcore trust issues?

 

[habitualhealth]

the last part of your post is awesome. addiction, ain't it a bitch. History also tends to repeat itself. If the pattern continues and he starts drinking again, i have to leave. If alcohol is more important to him, than our relationship- there is nothing left for me in it- Besides heartbreak -

One flaw that I have tho in regards to what you said about peace of mind, trust from me doesnt come easy. I used to be a cheater, been cheated on. So its like I try to keep my eyes open to the chance that he could be fucking around, no matter what relationship im in. At first I will trust them, but you lie, get caught and then i get unresolved feelings from it then that trust doesnt come back for ALONG time. Gotta work for it, work hard.

Anyone else have soem hardcore trust issues?

Oh honey bear, lawd have mercy. Here's how I operate in the ol trust dept....trust comes with respect. I don't respect just anyone that comes along...with anything and anyone in life you have to earn respect. I come from a jacked up background...from molestation, infidelity amongst parents, step parents upon step parents, having someone cheat on me, being betrayed by someone I was crazy in love with, even being a single mommy (which i kick ass at may i add )....bla bla...we've all been through something. Here's the ordeal, with everything in life, in order to grow we have to learn SOMETHING from the experience in order to become a better person and to overcome. (<~~~run on sent) I've fully embraced all of the things I've experienced but what I've learned is that when I just freely toss out trust I am too vulnerable too quick...thus opening the door way too fast. I'm a tough beyotch. And the way I look at it, if someone wants me in their life (notice how I worded that) then they'll A. RESPECT me B. understand and C. be willing to take the TIME needed to make it happen. If those things aren't in place then it's not a best fit for me. And though, I understand there is another person involved...ultimately, it's me who's gotta have my back. The positive attribute in all that for me...is when I do actually begin to trust and give trust freely then I know I've really found something/someone worth investing in. (be it friend or relationship)

Trust is the only common quality that can alone sustain a relationship. A relationship with everything in common except that, is doomed. (imo)

 

[Bikini Mod]

If anyone has trust issues... it's me! LOL

Lifelong abuse by those that were supposed to have loved me most - an ex that is hellbent on destroying me and EXTREMELY poor choices for friends in the past.

BUT -

Been a year now that I have been in counseling and am working really hard to deal with it all. I have a few family members that have had my back from day one, am making some solid friendships with GOOD people and am learning to give and accept love again.

Not easy...

But I just cant go through life alone. I dont want to.

My bf is free to go and do what he wants and with whom he wants. I have committed to him. But I have not asked the same in return. When the time is right, if he proposes I am fairly certain I will accept, but until then I am not about to spend all my free time thinking "Where is he and what is he doing?" He knows how I feel... If I were to find out that he cheats then it would break my heart and HE KNOWS THAT. My friends think I am setting myself up to "get played." My response? How on earth can I get played? If he steps out on me and I find out about it he will have fucked up, but for good and we are done - PERIOD. I will have given all my love and trust fully. How could I have lost if he is the one that screws up? And if he does not, then all the better....

Fidelity comes from within and governs our external actions and not because of limitations set forth from social norms that would govern who we are on the inside.

If he wants to be with another woman then he should be with her. If I were to find out, it would crush me and harm our relationship beyond repair. If he loves me then why would he ever do such a thing? What useful purpose would it serve as it would be a surefire way for him to relinquish MY LOVE.

Drinking/drugs are just a weak excuse for one party to "get away" with things... do not tolerate it.