does anyone suffer from this metal problem?

[endpoint]

I have been lifting weights for over a year and a bit now.
I have been spending the last few months getting educated as much as i can on the topic of weightlifting and powerlifting/olympic lifting.

four months ago i changed the way i trained. leaving the past training year behind.....pretending it didnt exist.....i was filled with shame with the way i trained. i made so many mistakes its embarrising.

but i have learnt from all my mistakes (and i know i will make more).

so with this new training.....I started taking a journal of both my training and my body measurements. I havent had my bodyfat tested.

in four months time i have gained 1 inch on my chest, and 2 inchs on my thighs, 1/4 on my calfs and an inch on my neck.
i have gained 3kgs and retained the same waist line measurement. all my lifts have gone through the roof.

I dont know how anyone else would feel about these gains..........but i feel totally dissatisfied . I cant notice the gains in the mirror. when i look at my body i see it how it was months ago.
compliments from staff members and people i know...dont register im my mind, and i search for sarcasm in their statements.

i have been rethinking things in my life.....looking at myself from a distance i realise that its not healthy to feel so dissatisfied with the progress i have made.

i have heard people talk about muscle dysmorphia, male annorexia. but i have dismissed it as being for fruit loops......till i realised that i suffer from one of them.

no matter how much i talk myself into it.....my mind wont listen.

has anyone dealt with this problem.
im hoping it is a phase of insecurity that will pass.

I dont want it to follow me all my life and ruin my sporting endevours.

 

[Liberator]

not quite but I know what you mean about seeing the same you all the time and not noticing the gains

i still think i look how i did last year but people around me tell me i am huge (compared to then) etc i see my gains, but theres no way i am huge. but i also dont really notice the difference, you need to take pics of yourself, this is the only way of showing yourself your progress.

a mate of mine said thats kind of scary that i dont notice it, and hes right, I think I have bigorexia lol

you see yourself everyday, so you always think about yourself the way you are now

i saw this girl running on the treadmill yesterday, and she so obviously had a severe weight problem, I.e anarexia, her boyfriend came up to her and said she looked great, then walked off, she did cardio the whole time I was there (1 hour 30 or so)

you could see the veins in her arms and she was pencil thin, I mean really badly thin - like starving herself, i cant believe her boyfriend said that

i felt like slamming a dumbell in his face and saying wakeup fuckhead, your girlfriend is not alright, she is fast disappearing

some people are unbelievable

 

[Robboe]

if you get people telling you that you look good, then you look good and all your hard work and effort is paying off. for a start that's one thing to be proud of.

You've been training for over a year now. Continue to do so [with your newer, better routine(s)] and see how you look in 3 years, then 5 years, then 10 years etc...

make sure you set yourself a goal to reach by a certain time or it'll be like going round in circles.

 

[diamonddiceclay]

I have a similar problem-it comes from a poor self image

 

[needsize]

Most people who train seriously seem to suffer from that problem, you just have to try to keep it in perspective. Just wait till you get the advanced bodybuilder look, constantly have people telling you how big you look, and you think you look like a 90lb supermodel. It's what drives us back to the gym, again and again, to push ourselves past the limits of any sane individual, without it we'd all look like the scrawny little extras off of Baywatch

 

[endpoint]

needsize: i guess its a good thing.....unless it gets out of control. like the competitive edge sort of thing.

Just imagine a competitive runner.....being satisfied with how fast they run.

Robboe: got my eyes set on a prize (powerlifting) and weights that i wish to achieve. im also in the process of learning and sort out a periodization plan.

 

[badasss]

i feel the same way... i have been working out just under a year...im feb. i was 230 5'10 around 29 %bf, now i am 170 around 15 %bf... i know thats great but i look in the mirror in the morning and feel i still look like shit... its hard but i just keep saying to myself wait 2-3 weeks see what i look like then, but its tough man i know what u feeling

 

[Milford Jenings]

Endpoint, I am definitely in the same boat as you. Except this is my second time around. Several years ago I was seriously training and had been training since high school. Then at work one day (a summer job for the grounds dept. for the college I attended) I wedged two vertebrae and tore some spinal muscles. It was an accident, and the person who caused it was and is still sincerely sorry. That one moment in time changed my life for a good spell. After months of therapy and the threat of surgery my heart was no longer in it. I couldn't even go to the gym.

To make a long story short, I lost a ton of muscle...I went from 248 at 10% b/f to 295 at only God knows what b/f. Then in March of 2000 I went to the doctor and found out that I was Type 2. Something had to change. Since then I have gotten down to 240 (not sure of the b/f) and am back in the gym. Even though folks tell me that I look great I still don't think so. In fact this weekend I was working at our church putting a roof on the new building and a friend told me I looked awesome when I took off my shirt, and all I could say was "Yeah right. I feel like I look like a bloated whale that washed ashore." But that keeps me going back to the gym. I turn the aggravation into motivation. I sleep right, I eat right (for me that it low carbs especially simple sugars) and I train hard. Use it to your advantage. I figure with my perfectionist strive for symmetry and lowering my B/F I will never give up.

On the bright side I am about to graduate from that college (squeezing 4 years into 10) in Law & Society. I will be able to pass the state and federal agility tests when I apply in May. Train hard and look to your goals. Use that negative image to push you for that last two reps!

Later
MJ