Hiatussin said:
Do you guys think bad parented kids grow up to be bad parents or not?
is it like a thing that skips a generation? what is it?
my maternal granddad was abused and neglected as a child and became an extremely dedicated husband and father, almost sickly in selflessness.
My paternal granddad was raised mild and friendly but cold and distant. He raised my father the same way, who raised me the same way
I definitely AM going to break the cycle. That's not saying that both of my parents were complete fuck ups.
My mother was and still is an extremely caring and nice person, though I havent lived with her for 9 years. She told me that 2-3 nights and mornings a week, she cries because she doesnt get to live with me and my brother, and you have no idea how much that kills me. But the thing is, that's one of her short comings - how she reveals the entire truth and all her thoughts. I attribute my birth to some of her lack of development as a youth and adult as she got pregnant with me when she was 18 and kinda had to drop everything to raise me. But she didnt develop the skills necessary in order to survive in this world and raise a child properly, beyond care and teaching values. Too often, she would tell me how financially poor she was and how she was struggling and how she was disappointed with this and that...when really, as a kid, I should've never been told any of this because these things shouldnt pollute a kids mind at such a young age. A kid should be more concerned over playing and going to school rather than how mommy doesnt have enough cash for this or she is having troubles with that. The kid will develop to much stress and worry about their parents rather than focus on their own development.
My father on the other hand is the complete opposite of her. He succeeded and mastered many of the skills he need to survive. He has proven that he needs no one but himself in this world but at the same time he shows compassion for my brother and I because having kids provided him with a true reason to drive for something. However, he is far too aggressive, demanding and opinionated. He will put you down and make you look and feel stupid, regardless of whether you are or arent. He expects perfection in all areas and wants everything achieve as fast as possible. If a job takes 10 men to do it, he'll put you out to the task, by yourself, and expect it done in half the time. Proving himself has also made him somewhat narcissitic, in that he speaks very highly of himself and says such things like, "if it wasnt for me..." or "it will take 100,000 men to outsmart me...". It's his demands and how he treats others is and has been his downfall. Intially, you wouldnt think you could meet a more selfless and giving person, but after he gives you your 15 minutes of leeway, thats it - he morphs into Dr.Dickhead3001 Ph.D.
I think he see's some of my shortcomings as individual and specific to me and me only. But, what he doesnt realize is that he doesnt raise the rest of the children around the world and they too act and do the same things I do.
I know that if and when I become a dad, I am gonna do it right. I've kept a mental log of what goes on in life from an early age because of been quite concious and aware for a few years now (in comparison to a lot of other peeps, I matured at quite a faster rate...I was kinda forced to). But, before I bring kids into this world, I'm going to make sure I have a enough money, a steady a job, a home that is in an area where there are lots of kids and a good school because I want my children to enjoy the time in their life when it will be easiest. I want them to savour it for all its worth and not worry about bullshit because being an adult provides enough of it as they will experience it soon enough. In addition to all this, I want to make sure that I'm an equally good husband and have the right wife because I know alot of what influences behaviour is relationships with spouses/bf/gf. I dont want to have to worry about any instabilities in relationship and take my focus of my children and work. I want my kids to see that both their parents are happy together and are happy that they have kids.
I will make sure of it that my father realizes that I am a better person than he thinks I am by how much happier my kids will be.
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