Should someone be the "boss" in a relationship?

[AFeedz]

Here's my situation: I have an amazing boyfriend. He's healthy, works out constantly, makes really good money, etc.

Because he makes good money and I don't having graduated college 5 months ago, he pays for EVERYTHING: our food when we're together, vacations, etc. and I love it.

The problem is that lately he's become a little too macho. He's been saying lately that he's the boss and that I should respect him and do as I'm told. He backs it up with the fact that he pays for everything and says if I don't like it, that I can pay for everything and I can be the boss and that I must want to date a girl or some pussy guy.

I don't want to date some wimpy, pussy guy. I love that my man is strong and tough, but I just don't think it's acceptable for him to think he's superior to me. I don't want to be the "boss" of our relationship. I just want to be equals. I think that's how it should be.

What do you all think?

 

[trex74]

Here's my situation: I have an amazing boyfriend. He's healthy, works out constantly, makes really good money, etc.

Because he makes good money and I don't having graduated college 5 months ago, he pays for EVERYTHING: our food when we're together, vacations, etc. and I love it.

The problem is that lately he's become a little too macho. He's been saying lately that he's the boss and that I should respect him and do as I'm told. He backs it up with the fact that he pays for everything and says if I don't like it, that I can pay for everything and I can be the boss and that I must want to date a girl or some pussy guy.

I don't want to date some wimpy, pussy guy. I love that my man is strong and tough, but I just don't think it's acceptable for him to think he's superior to me. I don't want to be the "boss" of our relationship. I just want to be equals. I think that's how it should be.

What do you all think?

I think that in any relationship there will always be somebody who has more power. Whether that's a guy or a girl.
It's when both people want the power that there is trouble.
Men and women are not "equal", they are different, like it or not.
This guy wants to be the boss, and if you want to be with him, you can't change this.
Let him think he is the boss, and he will love you for it.
If you don't want this kind of relationship, date somebody else.
Choose your battles.

 

[nefertiti]

I think your boyfriend's attitude is absolutely absurd.

I like playing a more submissive/traditional role in a relationship, but in one that has respect on both sides. His sense of entitlement shows a LACK of respect for you. Do what you're told? The only time a guy better EVER say that to me is in the bedroom.

Like you I love a strong man who likes to take care of shit. But there's a clear line between a strong man and a bully.

 

[AFeedz]

I don't have a problem with people having more power. You misunderstood, or maybe I phrased it poorly. My problem is not him having more power, because I know he does because he DOES pay for everything. My problem is that what he understands to be the "boss" is two things a. that to be the boss he needs to also be an ass (i.e. barking out commands without a please or a thank you and making jokes about how I should just call him Master) and b. a lack of respect for me.

It's one thing to hold more power it's another to treat me like a bitch. I'm not saying he doesn't or shouldn't have more power in the relationship. I'm saying he shouldn't act like I'm beneath him, as a person, which he is when he gives orders and disrespects me.

All I'm asking is that he treat me well and respectfully and I don't think a guy being respectful and ASKING me to do something rather than TELLING me makes him less masculine.

 

[AFeedz]

I think your boyfriend's attitude is absolutely absurd.

I like playing a more submissive/traditional role in a relationship, but in one that has respect on both sides. His sense of entitlement shows a LACK of respect for you. Do what you're told? The only time a guy better EVER say that to me is in the bedroom.

Like you I love a strong man who likes to take care of shit. But there's a clear line between a strong man and a bully.

I COMPELTELY AGREE WITH YOU! That's all I'm saying. There's a way to be strong without being mean, and when I explain this to him he thinks I'm asking him to be feminine.

 

[Rebecca D]

My husband works and I stay home and take care of the house and kids. Because of this he usually has final say on most financial issues. BUT, we discuss them and he does not hold this over my head. On the other hand, I cook most of the meals. Therefore I usually have final say on what is for supper. I don't deny him supper or make him submit to me for supper. We are both "in charge" of certain areas of our marriage. Overall I would say he is the "boss", (I prefer it that way) but he does not command me or hold this over my head. I would be vary cautious with this person.

Rebecca D

 

[trex74]

I don't have a problem with people having more power. You misunderstood, or maybe I phrased it poorly. My problem is not him having more power, because I know he does because he DOES pay for everything. My problem is that what he understands to be the "boss" is two things a. that to be the boss he needs to also be an ass (i.e. barking out commands without a please or a thank you and making jokes about how I should just call him Master) and b. a lack of respect for me.

It's one thing to hold more power it's another to treat me like a bitch. I'm not saying he doesn't or shouldn't have more power in the relationship. I'm saying he shouldn't act like I'm beneath him, as a person, which he is when he gives orders and disrespects me.

All I'm asking is that he treat me well and respectfully and I don't think a guy being respectful and ASKING me to do something rather than TELLING me makes him less masculine.

You're not going to change him I'm afraid.
Your issue is that he treats you like a bitch, acts like you are beneath him, disrespects you....why exactly are you with him? If you do not like that kind of behaviour, don't put up with it and just leave.

 

[nefertiti]

I would agree with rebecca.....big red flags on this one. This can only get worse.

 

[musclemom]

I don't have a problem with people having more power. You misunderstood, or maybe I phrased it poorly. My problem is not him having more power, because I know he does because he DOES pay for everything. My problem is that what he understands to be the "boss" is two things a. that to be the boss he needs to also be an ass (i.e. barking out commands without a please or a thank you and making jokes about how I should just call him Master) and b. a lack of respect for me.

It's one thing to hold more power it's another to treat me like a bitch. I'm not saying he doesn't or shouldn't have more power in the relationship. I'm saying he shouldn't act like I'm beneath him, as a person, which he is when he gives orders and disrespects me.

All I'm asking is that he treat me well and respectfully and I don't think a guy being respectful and ASKING me to do something rather than TELLING me makes him less masculine.

Respect in a relationship has nothing to do with any balance of power, who makes decisions, or who manages the money. Do not confuse his disrepect for you with machismo. You can be the biggest stud on the block and still say please and thank you and treat the woman you love like your partner.

If he is threatening to throw you out if you don't follow his orders, honestly, I'd make other living arrangements. The type of behavior you're describing requires a major personality shift to change. This is not like teaching someone to use the hamper or to remember to put the toothpaste cap back on.

 

[Smurfy]

Here's my situation: I have an amazing boyfriend. He's healthy, works out constantly, makes really good money, etc.

Because he makes good money and I don't having graduated college 5 months ago, he pays for EVERYTHING: our food when we're together, vacations, etc. and I love it.

The problem is that lately he's become a little too macho. He's been saying lately that he's the boss and that I should respect him and do as I'm told. He backs it up with the fact that he pays for everything and says if I don't like it, that I can pay for everything and I can be the boss and that I must want to date a girl or some pussy guy.

I don't want to date some wimpy, pussy guy. I love that my man is strong and tough, but I just don't think it's acceptable for him to think he's superior to me. I don't want to be the "boss" of our relationship. I just want to be equals. I think that's how it should be.

What do you all think?

strong and tough doesnt mean shit to me if he doesnt respect you.