No sex....some advice please

[musclemom]

MM, please understand i am not passing judgement on you or anyone, u did what u felt was the ONLY thing you could do in the current position, and I understand that but i do have some thoughts on the topic. This is kinda more geared toward pople in general and thier methods of handling stressful situations.
U know as well as I do there are ALWAYS other options. And there are no accidents in this world. To say that someone "made" you feel a certain way and "drove" you into bed with an other man shows a lack of self-determinism. I beleive instead of denoting blame on others we should ourselves take responsibility and teach others to be more responsible for thier actions.
Self-Determined people think and act rationally in ANY given situation. Those that let thier lives be determined by outside sources(such as the beleifes and views of other people, religions, societies, groups etc..) tend to act with reaction to situations. It truly is a grave disservice to everyone
I sincerly hope that as the planet becomes more and more enlightened we start seeing more Self and Co-Determined people and less reactionary Other-Determined individuals.

Oh no, Wulf, seriously, I really try to make it clear that what I did: a) Wasn't the BEST solution at the time; b) I wouldn't do it NOW and; c) I own it, if I gave the impression I didn't own it I'm sorry.

You have to understand, I was in my late 20s, quite naive, and I honestly wasn't thinking straight (if I ever had). Were there other options? Probably, but could I see them?? No, so as far as I was concerned, I was trapped, deeply depressed and virtually hopeless. When you say that I my saying he "drove me" to certain actions shows a lack of self-determination ... well, honestly that's a very good descriptoin of me at that time. I was the daughter of an abusive man, and I had married an emotional manipulator/abuser at a very young age (18). I can say comfortably that I completely lacked self determination. Abused children perceive the world differently, and when you're an abused woman who marries another type of abuser ... frankly I had no concept of what "NORMAL" is, if that makes sense.

Today I wouldn't take the shit that my ex handed me, but it was my experiences in struggling to achieve self-actualization and get out of that mistake of a marriage that gave me the confidence to realize that I don't have to let any other person dictate my life or happiness to me.

Was it wrong, of course. Do I regret it? On ONE level, sure, but on another level I learned I was my own master, if that makes sense.

And Wulf I realize we're not debating or anything, I'm just telling you what I lived, that's all (I'm sort of on a journey of self these days, too). The only other person on this planet whose opinion of me that matters is the man I'm married to, and he knew every skeleton in my closet and piece of dirty laundry long before we ever even kissed. He's the only person I've ever had in my life that's ever looked at me and never judged me and found me lacking.

 

[Wulfgar]

too many issues here for me address now - but i do have answers to some of your questions.

it's possible, although unlikely, that the cause of your fiance being so unfaithful was that she was clinically "hypersexual".

hypersxuality in females is generally associated with some some of chemical addiction - (was she a drug user - specifically, cocaine?)

hypersexual behavior generally occurs during periods of depression as a result of cocaine use.


the other possibility (though much less likely) is that she suffered some other comorbid condition such as severe ocd.


before i continue - did either of these conditions exist?

I dont feel she was ever on Coke. She likes weed but thats it. She was always a very high level athlete. She excelled at EVERYTHING she started. But she really never finished anything. She would get distracted and go pursue something else. I wouldnt say OCD..but definately didnt really have too much drection in life. A ton of potential, but no real goals. Of course, she was still in her early 20's...not too many people seem to really know what they want in life @ that age.

 

[Wulfgar]

Oh no, Wulf, seriously, I really try to make it clear that what I did: a) Wasn't the BEST solution at the time; b) I wouldn't do it NOW and; c) I own it, if I gave the impression I didn't own it I'm sorry.

You have to understand, I was in my late 20s, quite naive, and I honestly wasn't thinking straight (if I ever had). Were there other options? Probably, but could I see them?? No, so as far as I was concerned, I was trapped, deeply depressed and virtually hopeless. When you say that I my saying he "drove me" to certain actions shows a lack of self-determination ... well, honestly that's a very good descriptoin of me at that time. I was the daughter of an abusive man, and I had married an emotional manipulator/abuser at a very young age (18). I can say comfortably that I completely lacked self determination. Abused children perceive the world differently, and when you're an abused woman who marries another type of abuser ... frankly I had no concept of what "NORMAL" is, if that makes sense.

Today I wouldn't take the shit that my ex handed me, but it was my experiences in struggling to achieve self-actualization and get out of that mistake of a marriage that gave me the confidence to realize that I don't have to let any other person dictate my life or happiness to me.

Was it wrong, of course. Do I regret it? On ONE level, sure, but on another level I learned I was my own master, if that makes sense.

And Wulf I realize we're not debating or anything, I'm just telling you what I lived, that's all (I'm sort of on a journey of self these days, too). The only other person on this planet whose opinion of me that matters is the man I'm married to, and he knew every skeleton in my closet and piece of dirty laundry long before we ever even kissed. He's the only person I've ever had in my life that's ever looked at me and never judged me and found me lacking.

MM, K to you for being one of the very very few people who can own what they did and who they are. Such a rarity these days. So few people are evolvers of self in this world. It takes ownership to acquire acceptance and understanding of lifes experiences. good or bad. Seems to me that you have learned that. I applaud u.

 

[KillahBee]

no fucking shit...fuck all the hoops american women would have you jump through.

funny you say that, a friend of mine is in Sweden right now and he wrote me this email about the chicks over there:

Oh, don't I know it. None of that cunty 'everyone
pay attention to me and give me everything I want
because I'm a douchebag princess' bullshit American
fuck bitch attitude. IT'S GREAT!

 

[TC2]

funny you say that, a friend of mine is in Sweden right now and he wrote me this email about the chicks over there:

Oh, don't I know it. None of that cunty 'everyone
pay attention to me and give me everything I want
because I'm a douchebag princess' bullshit American
fuck bitch attitude. IT'S GREAT!

Yep..never another white girl for me.

I was at the car wash today, the ones where they detail your car and wash it while you wait, and this typical white american princess, I think my shit don't stink girl was eye fucking the shit outta me.

Don't get me wrong, she was "hot" by most guys standards, blond, fake ass tan skin total memememe girl, I just can't stand that type...I just looked her up and down and looked away letting her know I was totally unimpressed.

I think she came in her pants alittle bit, because I wasnt awe struck by her like everybody else there was.