Married with Children? You're amongst the elite in America.

[mrplunkey]

That's the point of this thread. Clearly there will be circumstances that make this impossible, and children can, and often do, thrive in such situations, thanks to awesome single parents. I have made that clear multiple times in this post.

My argument is that society should therefore encourage marriage and strong families, since it is the optimal solution. In some ways it does (tax code, e.g.).

In most ways, it doesn't, in fact, it discourages marriage, as I have itemized ad nauseum.

I completely agree with this statement. Marginalizing marriage into glorified dating or cohabitation scenarios like Hollywood stars do isn't that bad when both parents control their own schedule and make $10M+ per year. But when that $25,000 per year wage earner thinks he or she can do the same thing, its usually the children who spend the rest of their lives impoverished and ill-prepared for real life.

 

[heatherrae]

I completely agree with this statement. Marginalizing marriage into glorified dating or cohabitation scenarios like Hollywood stars do isn't that bad when both parents control their own schedule and make $10M+ per year. But when that $25,000 per year wage earner thinks he or she can do the same thing, its usually the children who spend the rest of their lives impoverished and ill-prepared for real life.

you are a divorced, single parent. I think you are included on the list of the destroyers of the institution of marraige as well, according to longhorn

 

[Longhorn85]

....be a man.

Hmmmm. Given your track record with choosing men as mates (divorce, physical abuse), I am not inclined to adapt to your idea of what makes a man worthy.

I sincerely offer you this: I hope for the sake of your unborn child that someday you are fortunate enough to have a relationship with a man of my caliber.

Hint: If you meet such a man, out of respect for yourself and your child, accept nothing less than a vow of marriage.

 

[heatherrae]

Hmmmm. Given your track record with choosing men as mates (divorce, physical abuse), I am not inclined to adapt to your idea of what makes a man worthy.

I sincerely offer you this: I hope for the sake of your unborn child that someday you are fortunate enough to have a relationship with a man of my caliber.

Hint: If you meet such a man, out of respect for yourself and your child, accept nothing less than a vow of marriage.

The man whom I married far surpassed your character. He wasn't a hypocrite or an adulterer.

I don't think I'll begin taking marraige advice from an adulterer, but thanks anyway.

 

[mrplunkey]

you are a divorced, single parent. I think you are included on the list of the destroyers of the institution of marraige as well, according to longhorn

And I agree that my choice to file for divorce weakened the institution. That doesn't neccessarily make me a bad person, but it definately makes me a contributor to the problem. And yes, it's a problem... more like a crisis.

Even before I filed in November 2005 I started making plans to compensate for the loss my kids would experience. I'll never replace the nuclear family unit, but there are other things I have tried to do to compensate. Fortunately both me and my ex are financially well-off so none of our standards of living have diminished. If anything, mine and the children have increased considerably because we no longer have my ex telling us that we should be pinching pennies even in the face of having more than we can realistically spend.

So what does this mean for me? Well, it means I'll never work a full-time job again because it would detract from time with my children. And since I don't plan to remarry the best I can offer a partner is 7 out of 14 nights with me. I certainly don't have "sleep overs" with my companions when I have children -- and I don't parade them in front of my children either. Thus far, they have briefly met *one* person I've seen since the divorce was finalized in August of last year.

I've done other things too, like counciling for the children, more one-on-one time with them, as well as an endless string of distractions to insure they don't wallow in the fallout of the divorce. But that's another story all together.

So long story short. Am I part of the problem? Most definately. Am I doing what I can to compensate for a horrible situation? Most definately. Had I thought my divorce would lower my children's standard of living or somehow otherwise compromise their future you can rest assured I'd still be in that incredibly unhappy marriage -- and wouldn't think twice about it.

I'm not the least bit offended by Longhorn's post either, but then again I'm a personal responsibility advocate even when it's time for me to accept some of that responsiblity.

 

[biteme]

A hating we will go, a hating we will go. High ho the derry-o a hating we will go.

 

[heatherrae]

And I agree that my choice to file for divorce weakened the institution. That doesn't neccessarily make me a bad person, but it definately makes me a contributor to the problem. And yes, it's a problem... more like a crisis.

Even before I filed in November 2005 I started making plans to compensate for the loss my kids would experience. I'll never replace the nuclear family unit, but there are other things I have tried to do to compensate. Fortunately both me and my ex are financially well-off so none of our standards of living have diminished. If anything, mine and the children have increased considerably because we no longer have my ex telling us that we should be pinching pennies even in the face of having more than we can realistically spend.

So what does this mean for me? Well, it means I'll never work a full-time job again because it would detract from time with my children. And since I don't plan to remarry the best I can offer a partner is 7 out of 14 nights with me. I certainly don't have "sleep overs" with my companions when I have children -- and I don't parade them in front of my children either. Thus far, they have briefly met *one* person I've seen since the divorce was finalized in August of last year.

I've done other things too, like counciling for the children, more one-on-one time with them, as well as an endless string of distractions to insure they don't wallow in the fallout of the divorce. But that's another story all together.

So long story short. Am I part of the problem? Most definately. Am I doing what I can to compensate for a horrible situation? Most definately. Had I thought my divorce would lower my children's standard of living or somehow otherwise compromise their future you can rest assured I'd still be in that incredibly unhappy marriage -- and wouldn't think twice about it.

I'm not the least bit offended by Longhorn's post either, but then again I'm a personal responsibility advocate even when it's time for me to accept some of that responsiblity.

So, with you, it was different to get a divorce because you had more money than the average person?

Or it wasn't okay and maybe you should remarry her just to encourage the institution of marraige?

Wasn't it a very contentious and heated divorce?

Gee, I can't keep following yours and longhorns rules. They seem to change when they come to your own "special circumstances"

 

[heatherrae]

Personally, I think it is fine that you divorced, plunkey. I just don't get how you think that your divorce undermines anyone else's choice to marry or stay married.

 

[Longhorn85]

Am I part of the problem?

You may see it that way, but that is not what I have said in this thread. My position has been that in America marriage as an institution is not encouraged enough by our laws, mores, attitudes.

The original post shows that marriage and family benefits individuals and society as a whole, so it is in our collective interest to protect it and encourage it.

 

[alien amp pharm]

If you do not see marriage as a better enviroment for kids then you are blind.

That being said marriage is becoming non-idealistic. In the old days you married and had kids to survive. You also had limits on who you could meet to potentialy marry.

Fast forward to the present. People do not have to marry to survive. Food, money, etc are all plentiful. Also you can meet people across the globe simply by logging onto the internet. People are also more sexually immoral and divorce doesn't carry the stigma it use to.

All these things add up to why marriage is vastly becoming "a thing of the past" and IMO a reason why we have such a messed up generation of kids.