Married with Children? You're amongst the elite in America.

[Gymgurl]

^^ I knew I liked you

 

[Gymgurl]

And I agree that my choice to file for divorce weakened the institution. That doesn't neccessarily make me a bad person, but it definately makes me a contributor to the problem. And yes, it's a problem... more like a crisis.

Even before I filed in November 2005 I started making plans to compensate for the loss my kids would experience. I'll never replace the nuclear family unit, but there are other things I have tried to do to compensate. Fortunately both me and my ex are financially well-off so none of our standards of living have diminished. If anything, mine and the children have increased considerably because we no longer have my ex telling us that we should be pinching pennies even in the face of having more than we can realistically spend.



I've done other things too, like counciling for the children, more one-on-one time with them, as well as an endless string of distractions to insure they don't wallow in the fallout of the divorce. But that's another story all together.

So long story short. Am I part of the problem? Most definately. Am I doing what I can to compensate for a horrible situation? Most definately. Had I thought my divorce would lower my children's standard of living or somehow otherwise compromise their future you can rest assured I'd still be in that incredibly unhappy marriage -- and wouldn't think twice about it.

I'm not the least bit offended by Longhorn's post either, but then again I'm a personal responsibility advocate even when it's time for me to accept some of that responsiblity.

I love ya!

Divorce can not be side stepped in all situations.
You have values and morals and that will be a huge factor in rasing your kids...such as no sleepovers ect....Your a good dad

 

[heatherrae]

We have just as many "messed up kids" in married homes. Shitty parents are shitty whether they stay married or get a divorce -- the same with good parents. Sometimes divorce is less destructive for the kids than staying together in misery. In the past, people didn't have the resources or ability to just get a divorce. Does that mean their lives and their kids lives were better because they were forced to stay in an unhappy marraige. I would think not.

 

[javaguru]

http://www.trinity.edu/~mkearl/fam-div.html

"The belief that rising divorce rates indicate the dissolution of the family--and hence of society, given that the family is its central building block--is far from new. Timothy Dwight, president of Yale, complained in 1816 that marriage and the family were going to the dogs in Connecticut because one marriage in a hundred was ending in divorce. Between 1869 and 1889, the divorce rate increased 150%. It jumped another 250% between 1960 and 1980. After peaking in 1981 and declining through the mid-eighties, the rate leveled off at about 4.7 divorces per 1,000 population in the late 1980s and early 1990s before again declining to 4.2 in 1998. Interestingly, while divorces overall dropped between 1981 and 1990, there was a 16 percent rise in divorces of couples married 30 years or more. For the first time in history, a married couple is as likely to be parted by divorce as by death."

 

[Gymgurl]

Society on a whole has messed up marriage

 

[heatherrae]

Society on a whole has messed up marriage

No it hasn't. You just have more of a choice do what you like now. No one forces you to get married, stay married, or get a divorce. It is totally up to you and your spouse.

I think that these self-proclaimed "personal responsibility" gurus are ironically scapegoating other people instead of saying each person should take personal responsibility to keep their own marraiges together. It couldn't be their fault! It's the gays fault, the single mom's fault, the non-christians fault, but surely not up to each person's own free will.

They also think everyone is wrong if their families don't look just like their own.

 

[Bikini Mod]

http://www.trinity.edu/~mkearl/fam-div.html

"The belief that rising divorce rates indicate the dissolution of the family--and hence of society, given that the family is its central building block--is far from new. Timothy Dwight, president of Yale, complained in 1816 that marriage and the family were going to the dogs in Connecticut because one marriage in a hundred was ending in divorce. Between 1869 and 1889, the divorce rate increased 150%. It jumped another 250% between 1960 and 1980. After peaking in 1981 and declining through the mid-eighties, the rate leveled off at about 4.7 divorces per 1,000 population in the late 1980s and early 1990s before again declining to 4.2 in 1998. Interestingly, while divorces overall dropped between 1981 and 1990, there was a 16 percent rise in divorces of couples married 30 years or more. For the first time in history, a married couple is as likely to be parted by divorce as by death."

Interesting information.

Maybe we should stop pointing the finger at marriage/divorce/cohabitating/single parenting for the "breakdown of the family" and just point it where it belongs = POOR PARENTING. Apparently these people do not understand the concept of it taking an entire village to raise just one child. Let us all be responsible for our behavior when in the company of ANYONE's children.

I am actually quite intrigued by this notion that because I chose to get a divorce I have somehow influenced the choices of others.

Damn, I didnt realize that I was so powerful.

I certainly hope that I can influence many more by the fact that I have remarried to an amazing man of outstanding strength and character as he has WILLINGLY chosen to parent my girls as well as put their spermdonor in his proper place.... which isn't for me to decide.

To marry for the sake of marrying is silly.

To marry for the notion of love is even sillier still as love is what happens somewhere during the journey of marriage.

God isn't why a marriage stays intact. Conversely the lack of God is not responsible for the dissolution of one.

PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY is the only reason for the health of a marriage, the dissolution of such a union or for the lack of one to begin with.

If more people where more concerned with tending to their own gardens methinks they would have too little time to notice what was going on in the yards of their neighbors.

Just my humble .02

 

[heatherrae]

Interesting information.

Maybe we should stop pointing the finger at marriage/divorce/cohabitating/single parenting for the "breakdown of the family" and just point it where it belongs = POOR PARENTING. Apparently these people do not understand the concept of it taking an entire village to raise just one child. Let us all be responsible for our behavior when in the company of ANYONE's children.

I am actually quite intrigued by this notion that because I chose to get a divorce I have somehow influenced the choices of others.

Damn, I didnt realize that I was so powerful.

I certainly hope that I can influence many more by the fact that I have remarried to an amazing man of outstanding strength and character as he has WILLINGLY chosen to parent my girls as well as put their spermdonor in his proper place.... which isn't for me to decide.

To marry for the sake of marrying is silly.

To marry for the notion of love is even sillier still as love is what happens somewhere during the journey of marriage.

God isn't why a marriage stays intact. Conversely the lack of God is not responsible for the dissolution of one.

PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY is the only reason for the health of a marriage, the dissolution of such a union or for the lack of one to begin with.

If more people where more concerned with tending to their own gardens methinks they would have too little time to notice what was going on in the yards of their neighbors.

Just my humble .02

AMEN!

 

[Longhorn85]

I am actually quite intrigued by this notion that because I chose to get a divorce I have somehow influenced the choices of others.

That notion came from HR's misinterpretation of the point of this thread and her subsequent emotional rant(s).

 

[heatherrae]

That notion came from HR's misinterpretation of the point of this thread and her subsequent emotional rant(s).

Let her read the thread and decide for herself how to interpret your hateful dispersions single moms, homosexuals, and non-christians. She is a smart woman. She can make up her own mind. I'm not the only one who was offended by what you said. I'm just the most vocal. You're trying to backpedal now. I would have at least an iota of respect if you stood behind your own bigotry instead of now trying to mask it.