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Marriage

V

velvett

Elite Mentor
Platinum
A gal pal and myself were yabbering about why people get married - right or wrong - expectations - high or low, etc.


So for you married folks (or married and divorced) - why did you get married?

It was the thing to do - people just get married.
You wanted to have children.
You were so maddly in love with your parnter and you wanted to show that.

For you unmarried folks - why would you want to or not want to get married?


For everyone.

What does marriage mean to you?
 
I married my ex wife because I was very much in love with her. That's the only reason I would ever get married.
 
I have no clue what my state of mind was 18 years ago. LOL!!
 
I have been with my wife since I was 16 y/o......really my only true gf. I dated other gals and all I could think about is her. I took a year to propose to her from my initial thoughts of getting married. And after that I still knew she was the one. I still get excited to talk to her or see her....I still get a "feeling" when I hug her. She understands me...puts up with me....loves me. I knew if I still had these feelings after high school and college than there was something there that would last a lifetime.

One thing that others may find akward that really pin pointed it for me was this.....In all my decisions since I was 16, I would ask myself what she would think or agree with.....I knew that I really cared for her when she was in every thought of mine...and it is still that way now.
 
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Ok - so you married for love.

But why did you need to get married?

Is marriage a concept that has been forced upon people for generations that you need to get married if you love someone?

What if you just love someone and never married - would people think you loved that person any less?
 
I think I would do it mainly for the ceremony and having all your friends and family around. That, and i think it puts both of your minds at ease regarding your devotion to each other, at least for me. Having said that, I had a dream last night that I had like 20 HOT wives. It was awesome.
 
beastboy said:
I have been with my wife since I was 16 y/o......really my only true gf. I dated other gals and all I could think about is her. I took a year to propose to her from my initial thoughts of getting married. And after that I still knew she was the one. I still get excited to talk to her or see her....I still get a "feeling" when I hig her. She understands me...puts up with me....loves me. I knew if I still had these feelings after high school and college than there was something there that would last a lifetime.

One thing that others may find akward that really pin pointed it for me was this.....In all my decisions since I was 16, I would ask myself what she would think or agree with.....I knew that I really cared for her when she was in every thought of mine...and it is still that way now.
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You're a lucky man.
 
beastboy said:
I still get excited to talk to her or see her....I still get a "feeling" when I hig her. She understands me...puts up with me....loves me.
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Awwwwwwwww


sweet.

:)
 
Velvett

I got married because I loved my wife more than life itself. After getting to know her, I realized she was the type of person who had more love than a person could ever imagine. She is undoubtly the most giving person I have ever met. There is not a mean streak in her. After 16 years of marriage, I still know I made the right choice when I asked her to marry me.

Words could never explain or describe how wonderful she is. How I was fortunate enough to be the lucky person to marry her, I will never know. There is not a day that goes by that I don't thank God for her.

When we first got married, I didn't want children ever. Her being a school teacher taught me how wonderful children are. She showed me how special children are. I wanted 4 kids but after the physical trouble she had carrying and birthing our 2 daughters, I just couldn't ask her for 2 more which was fine.

We just celebrated our 16th year anniversary this past Friday.:)
 
velvett said:
Ok - so you married for love.

But why did you need to get married?

Is marriage a concept that has been forced upon people for generations that you need to get married if you love someone?

What if you just love someone and never married - would people think you loved that person any less?
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I don't worry about what other people think. For me, the act of marriage, is letting the person know how much you love them, that you want to spend the rest of you life with them, you love them for all their strengths and weaknesses, you will stand by their side through good times and bad times. I guess you can have all that without marriage.
 
velvett said:
Ok - so you married for love.

But why did you need to get married?

Is marriage a concept that has been forced upon people for generations that you need to get married if you love someone?

What if you just love someone and never married - would people think you loved that person any less?
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I think it is just the thing to do....I wouldn't trust her any less if we weren't married, and I know the same goes for her.

If we weren't married...you can believe the rumor mill would be in full motion.....most people look at that as a free pass to do whatever you want.....not me. Never cheated on her once while dating.

Marriage is just a symbol of devotion.....almost in regards to something as simple as holding your S.O. hand.
 
if it wasn't for my fiance wanting the whole wedding thing, I would be perfectly content not doing it. I don't need some legal document to prove my love and devotion to anyone.
 
biteme said:
I married my ex wife because I was very much in love with her. That's the only reason I would ever get married.
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OK.

Now that you've had your heart broken, ripped out and handed back to you crushed - would you do it again?


Would you approach love and romance with the same innocence or would you take a different approach?
 
Why we married?

We married because we enjoy being with one another! We wanted to share EVERYTHING in life with someone who could make life fun and exciting during the good times and bad!

The two of us are sooooo different from one another that I think THAT was the key in our " perfect " match. We made a good "balance" as a couple from the VERY start of the relationship.

Kids? I knew he'd be a great daddy in the future. To be honest, we were tooooo selfish to think about kids when we first married. We wanted it allll to be about US for a few year's!(Little did we know that those "few year's" turned into MUCH longer!)

Madly in love? Nope, we were too level headed for that non-sense. We knew we'd have to make your own "love" and continue with it's growth always.

Meaning of marriage? Laughing, sharing, supporting the other(even if you find it hard too do so), Swallowing pride, truth with one's self and spouse, LOTS OF SEX!
 
WODIN said:
I have no clue what my state of mind was 18 years ago. LOL!!
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LOL no doubt I did it when I was 20. I think I got married because I didn't know how to do laundry so I went from one women(my mom) to another(my wife) so I could get my landry done. And to this day I have never done a load of laundry hee hee.
 
curling said:


LOL no doubt I did it when I was 20. I think I got married because I didn't know how to do laundry so I went from one women(my mom) to another(my wife) so I could get my landry done. And to this day I have never done a load of laundry hee hee.
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If you died a horrible death right now, I don't think I could make myself feel sorry for you.
 
Nathan said:


If you died a horrible death right now, I don't think I could make myself feel sorry for you.
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Why because you are jealous? hmm? Cause you got to do your own landry na na na na( I am not sure I spelled na na right but it suppose to be pronounced like journey sang it in loving touching squeezing) Hey nathan how about those spin cycles do you use cheer? :D
 
I want to be married some day.

I'm going to have a pre-nup though.

4 people I knew got married in one weekend last June, 3 or 4 others on other weekends last June. God I feel old.
 
Here is the conversation I had with my wife this morning on the phone.

ME: Hello Wodin, how can I help you?
Her: Hey do you have diariah this morning?
Me: Nope why?
Her: Well I do.
Me: There’s some Imodium in the Tea cabinet and thanks for sharing so much about yourself this fine day.
Her: (Laughing) Really thanks.

Click.

Now that’s true …something.
 
WODIN said:
Here is the conversation I had with my wife this morning on the phone.

ME: Hello Wodin, how can I help you?
Her: Hey do you have diariah this morning?
Me: Nope why?
Her: Well I do.
Me: There’s some Imodium in the Tea cabinet and thanks for sharing so much about yourself this fine day.
Her: (Laughing) Really thanks.

Click.

Now that’s true …something.
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You answer the phone using your EF handle!?! :FRlol:

You need to stop posting for awhile.;)
 
HUCKLEBERRY FINNaplex said:
After my third kid weighed in at 11lbs,7ounces,keigels are a lost cause.I'm fucked all the way around,lol.
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11 POUNDS? SWEEEEEEET JESUS!

Give me mega drugs and thank GOD for C-Sections!
 
Wonder if my input counts for anything... since I may never legally be married.....


So for you married folks (or married and divorced) - why did you get married?

I honestly do not think we - as humans - were put on this earth to just be happy. A dog sunning himself on a rock is happy if you look at it that way. I believe we were put here to experience things. Great things. Things that stretch your mind and broaden your horizons. Having company on this journey makes it even better.

A lot of people marry simply because they are bred to do it. It is a requirement. If you don't get married, you are a failure. Getting married means you are accepted into society. Sort of a rite of passage. It is just a superficial milestone in adulthood. Sort of like getting your driver's license. I guess this explains the skyrocketing divorce rate nowdays. I honestly believe that if divorces were outlawed... there would be MORE happy marriages. Mainly because people would use their heads and really think about the future when they are marrying someone.

Why would I get married? It wouldn't be because I found someone I could live with. But rather, I found someone I couldn't live without.


For you unmarried folks - why would you want to or not want to get married?

Some people can not get married simply because they are so selfish that they can not subsconsciously allow themselves to "share" themselves with another person. Oh, they can accept and take anything the other person can offer but they simply can not make a committment to that person because they are too self centered on themselves to realize their actions, or rather lack of actions.

Immaturity, insecurity (fear), emotional growth stunt, and co-dependent parental relationships also are ways people "justify" staying single.




What does marriage mean to you?

I have a very traditional view of marriage... loyalty, faithfulness, respect, high importance of the unit over the individual... sort of makes you wonder what the hell I am doing in the homo world huh?

As much as I agree with the approval of same sex marriages, I could only support it the issue if it came with the rest of the "attachments" that hetero marriages come with. You know... change of last name, division of assets and alimony in case of divorce, etc..
 
WODIN said:


All the time.

:)
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Answer it using my EF handle for a day or two. Work will be fun again.

hey, aren't you a programmer type? PM me.
 
velvett said:



I hear ya.

:(
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There's a flip side. Every married couple I know is either very happy or very miserable. I turn 31 this week and still have moments where I wonder if it will happen. On the otherhand...I realized how disfunctional some of the girls I dated were. I would probably be divorced by now.....I'll make a better husband thanks to growing up.

Married...single....does it matter that much? :rolleyes:
 
gotmilk said:


There's a flip side. Every married couple I know is either very happy or very miserable. I turn 31 this week and still have moments where I wonder if it will happen. On the otherhand...I realized how disfunctional some of the girls I dated were. I would probably be divorced by now.....I'll make a better husband thanks to growing up.

Married...single....does it matter that much? :rolleyes:
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No for me it doesn't but what bothers me is when other people express my how my not being married bothers them - as if there's something wrong with me.

It appears to me that most people got married because it was what they were brain washed to do by their peers. That's not to say that there aren't some fabulous marriages out there but those marriage are in the minority of the masses.

I can most respect and relate to everything that AAP has already said - so why repeat it.
 
Re: Re: Marriage

AAP said:


Why would I get married? It wouldn't be because I found someone I could live with. But rather, I found someone I couldn't live without.
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Exactly. When you find that person you can't live without is when you should want to get married. Realizing that you can't/don't want to live without someone is a very weird feeling, especially if you're very independent.
 
velvett said:


OK.

Now that you've had your heart broken, ripped out and handed back to you crushed - would you do it again?


Would you approach love and romance with the same innocence or would you take a different approach?
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You know that I will do it again. It's the greatest thing in the world.

When I find the one that is right for me, I will not hold back anything.
 
biteme said:


You know that I will do it again. It's the greatest thing in the world.

When I find the one that is right for me, I will not hold back anything.
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That's good.



At least you won't be one of those people who find the right one and then break their heart with the inability to get over the past.



:)
 
velvett said:



At least you won't be one of those people who find the right one and then break their heart with the inability to get over the past.
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....what AAP said.
 
I`ve been married for 7 years now. Dated my wife for 7 years before we got married. So 14 years and I STILL can`t wait to look at her smiling face every night.

and now we got a 16 month old girl with the same smile as hers. I`m very happy.

We got married for the traditional reasons. If it were up to me I would have just had a quick wedding and be done with it. My wife was also going along with that, but then we thought about how our families would react and feel not included, AND we cared about how they felt. So we had a big 200+ person wedding in an expensive hall with EVERYTHING. It was memorable but I could go either way.
 
Like I said before, it can be summed up in one word: progression.

Life without progression is stagnant. Stagnation is anamathea to living. (Note: living is different than surviving.)

Marriage is a powerful way to commit to progression -- progression in love with another, progression in building a family, and progression in self-exploration, expression and development.
 
bigguns15 said:

To me, marriage is commitment in the highest sense. I was standing before family and friends and God and vowing to love, honor and cherish him for the rest of my life. We were two people coming together to form one life together. It is a true testament of unselfish love.
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Very well said!
 
I have been married for 2 years now. My husband and I dated for three years before we got engaged and we were engaged another 2 years before we got married.

I got married because I was (and still am) very much in love. I knew this was the guy that I wanted to wake up to every morning for the rest of my life. This was the person I wanted to grow old with. He is everything I could ever want in a person and more. He's my best friend. I wanted to celebrate that. I felt no outside pressure at all to get married.

To me, marriage is commitment in the highest sense. I was standing before family and friends and God and vowing to love, honor and cherish him for the rest of my life. We were two people coming together to form one life together. It is a true testament of unselfish love.
 
THeMaCHinE said:
Marriage is a powerful way to commit to progression -- progression in love with another, progression in building a family, and progression in self-exploration, expression and development.
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I don't buy it.

You're saying - without saying it - that people that don't marry can not progress as human beings.

In fact. I would say for most it is the opposite when they realize that their spouse and themselves have grown apart or into different dirsctions and they haven't the sense or the strength to try and get back on some sort of similiar or positive path.

The minority of couples that "progress" together or at the very least at the same pace are few and far between.
 
When I was younger, I had the whole vision of a white picket fence, kids, a wonderful husband, a dog, a cat, etc. It just seemed like a natural conclusion for me. My career worked its way in there too. I think I just thought it was what I was naturally what I was supposed to do. However, I'm not so sure about all of that anymore. When I picture my immediate future, I'm not so sure about what it is anymore. Now, I can picture me with an apartment and a Daschund named Ballpark. lol. I still want that husband and the kids though. But it's not because it's what would be natural for me. I may never get it or open myself up to it, but I think it might actually be what I want.
 
velvett said:


You're saying - without saying it - that people that don't marry can not progress as human beings.
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No, I'm not saying that, you're (incorrectly) extrapolating that from my position that the primary reason to marry is progression.
 
THeMaCHinE said:


No, I'm not saying that, you're (incorrectly) extrapolating that from my position that the primary reason to marry is progression.

Marriage is a powerful way to commit to progression -- progression in love with another, progression in building a family, and progression in self-exploration, expression and development.
Click to expand...




You can't self-explore and not be married? You can't love another and not be married to do so?

Most people have answer why they chose to marry their mate - but hardly anyone understood the point - why did you get married?
 
velvett said:
In fact. I would say for most it is the opposite when they realize that their spouse and themselves have grown apart or into different dirsctions and they haven't the sense or the strength to try and get back on some sort of similiar or positive path.
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It's true that marriage is hard at times and that the path is not linear. Some marriages grow apart, some grow together. I think there are many happy marriages. I also think there are many that take marriage lightly and are too selfish to value it through.

There are opportunities for progession in even the most dire of circumstances though. People make choices. And enough like choices make the people. (Although change is always possible -- even when not probable.)
 
velvett said:

You can't self-explore and not be married? You can't love another and not be married to do so?

Most people have answer why they chose to marry their mate - but hardly anyone understood the point - why did you get married?
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Argh! You're putting words in my mouth again -- why do you assume that because I say marriage is a powerful way to commit to progession, that I am saying it's the only way of progression?

Sure, you can love another and not be married -- obviously, marriage is something you do (generally) after you've discovered you love another.

Committing to the progression of marriage is *a* way of committing to develop that love of self and the other more deeply, among other things.

That is *why* I married -- progression. I was ready to progress in specific areas of my life and marriage was the appropriate vehicle to do so.
 
velvett said:
Machine -

I'm just nit picking - I totally respect your point of view.
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Right on -- as you know I respect you -- I'm comfortable being straightforward with you -- don't take the brevity of my posts as exasperation on my part; I'm enjoying discussing this topic with you :)
 
some get married for the medical benefits.
 
Marriage was first used as a way to form alliances. Some get married now to get the benefits. [ex. Marines get married for the BAH, and the spouse is looking for a meal ticket]

Why would I get married? B/c deep down I'm a romantic looking for that one person who will get my heart pumping everytime I see her, and will make my life happier. I'd like to have kids one day as well. Not that marriage is a preequisite for kids, but they almost go hand in hand.

Why wouldn't I get married? I have a hard time trusting people. I've seen/heard too many horror stories of marriages going to shit. How many times do we hear about a person being drained finanacially, emotionally, and mentally by an ex.

Then I add in other factors that make me not want to get married. I'm in the military, and [however unlikely] I can get called to war at any given time. Eventually I'd like to fly attack helicopters. I ask myself is it fair to subject a family to the military life? Would it be fair to my wife and kids to have me away for months at a time asking themselves every day if I'm alive or dead?

Just some of the things that race through my mind. My ex-gf told me she couldn't handle my being overseas for a year, but wants me to leave the military after my contract is up so we can get back together. No fucking way in hell I'll take her back. If she can't be with me when I'm at a low, why should I take her at a high?
 
I would like to get married. Not in any rush though...if anything my standards may be too high...but my available time is so low that I can barely date much now...anyway...

Part of it is willingess to make a commitment to one person above all others, and to have some kind of official recognition of it.

People might object to that reasoning, saying that if that commitment is genuine, why do you need the state's sanctioing? Well, there are a few reasons - first the practical:

Many benefits, from government and other soruces, apply to married couples but not necessarily to two people living together. This includes health benefits, and there are some other advantages for business ownership and taxation, etc., that only pertain to married couples.

Overly practical perhaps, but at the same time, ignoring entirely the practical in life will not get you very far.

next - it;s easy to say "yeah we're serious, we'll always be together", but when you say it and the outcome entails the pain of divorce (financial, emotional pain etc.), well, then the actions of committing to the person speak louder than the words.

Last reason I can think of - if one plans to have kids, one of the most important lessons you can teach them is to be a person of honor and integrity. A commitment like marriage demonstrates this like almost nothing else.

Additionally, it also teaches the greatest of life's lessons: actions have consequences, and the actionsof the parents form the basis for how that child will interact with others throughout life.

Married parents are the best option to raising children who can excel in the world.
 
MattTheSkywalker said:
I would like to get married. Not in any rush though...if anything my standards may be too high...but my available time is so low that I can barely date much now...anyway...

Part of it is willingess to make a commitment to one person above all others, and to have some kind of official recognition of it.

People might object to that reasoning, saying that if that commitment is genuine, why do you need the state's sanctioing? Well, there are a few reasons - first the practical:

Many benefits, from government and other soruces, apply to married couples but not necessarily to two people living together. This includes health benefits, and there are some other advantages for business ownership and taxation, etc., that only pertain to married couples.

Overly practical perhaps, but at the same time, ignoring entirely the practical in life will not get you very far.

next - it;s easy to say "yeah we're serious, we'll always be together", but when you say it and the outcome entails the pain of divorce (financial, emotional pain etc.), well, then the actions of committing to the person speak louder than the words.

Last reason I can think of - if one plans to have kids, one of the most important lessons you can teach them is to be a person of honor and integrity. A commitment like marriage demonstrates this like almost nothing else.

Additionally, it also teaches the greatest of life's lessons: actions have consequences, and the actionsof the parents form the basis for how that child will interact with others throughout life.

Married parents are the best option to raising children who can excel in the world.
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Well said.

Marriage is a natural extension of man's social nature. The idea of demonstrating the bond, and thus the removal of the individuals from courtship, between two people before society is the basis of marriage.

Why do people marry? Why did I marry? Tradition. There said it. Nothing wrong with tradition, if it stands the test of time, it must have something going for it, aside from the fact, that I have never heard anyone produce a valid argument for it's abolition. The social/critical theorists who attempt to discredit all traditional values have provided no valid arguments against it, simply historical facts, which do not discredit the ideas. Because men in 300 B.C. clubbed a woman and essentially made her property does not discredit the idea and virtue that we hold currently in marriage.

Unfortunately, the credibility of marriage suffers when the philosophy and understanding of the population changes. Today's culture of immediate gratification and entitlement is placing strains on marriage, for marriage is not a thing that grants happiness, but a value that one holds true, a means to an end: personal happiness. You don't have to understand this to enter marriage, but you have to understand it to make a marriage work and obtain happiness from it.

From almost losing my marriage, due to my ignorance of life, I know that simply existing in this world provides no happiness; happiness is obtained from efforts and works. Marriage is no different. Being married is nothing, valueing your spouse is everything. What you value you cherish and you work for and you give to. Marriage is no different than parenting, in this respect. It is easy to see the effects of not providing for your children, of not showing them love and kindness, or not guiding them in life; marriage is no different.

People enter into marriage because they pay lip service to the idea, they remain married because they actually act on the idea.
 
A lot of solid answers here - not what I had expected but very pleased nonetheless.


I am also please to see such a large group of old fashioned and noble men here to respond.


Bravo to you all.
 
Nathan said:
Alright, this is getting depressing. You guys are bringing me down.
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heheheh....

I can DEFINATELY relate.

man, i want to get married to a really hot girl, right now.
 
Rex said:
velvett what kind of answers were you expecting?
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I expected the spectrum of answers from unmarried people and I was pleasantly surprised by the vast amount of warmth, devotion and love demonstration towards so many spouses.

It was refreshing and hopeful in contrast to the regular women and men bashing that goes on here and among my peers.
 
I still don't trust the avg woman ;) Don't trust the avg man either.

I was expecting a culture clash when I came to Japan, but surprisingly the women here have been "Americanized", and it sickens me. I've realized how much the typical American girl's attitude sickens me. The only difference mostly besides I can't understand a damn word with the accent, and I try real hard to, is that the Okinawan chicks can not walk for shit in heals. Quite humorous almost.

I'm told it's a different in Europe, but I'll have to see that for myself.
 
beastboy said:
I have been with my wife since I was 16 y/o......really my only true gf. I dated other gals and all I could think about is her. I took a year to propose to her from my initial thoughts of getting married. And after that I still knew she was the one. I still get excited to talk to her or see her....I still get a "feeling" when I hug her. She understands me...puts up with me....loves me. I knew if I still had these feelings after high school and college than there was something there that would last a lifetime.

One thing that others may find akward that really pin pointed it for me was this.....In all my decisions since I was 16, I would ask myself what she would think or agree with.....I knew that I really cared for her when she was in every thought of mine...and it is still that way now.
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3 cheers for beastboy....:angel: man thats awesome to hear. im not married yet but thats what i want to be able to say here in 15 years (well we werent 16, we were both 19)
 
i never ave, and prolly never will get marrid. theres really no reason for it. i dont trust anyone that much.

truthfully, i dont even really care if im ever in a relationship ever again.
 
I have always wanted to get married.......it's just been a little difficult getting mysef to the point of being ready enough and settled enough to want to do it.

I've always liked to party hard, but now that those days are nearing an end, i'm gradually getting to the point of being ready mentally.

I also like the thought of having someone to cook and clean for me:D j/k.
 
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I've been with my husband for 20 years and am more in love with him now than ever. I wasn't expecting a proposal when he did it, but my immediate reaction was yes. We just knew we were right for one another. We skipped the big ceremony and had a small wedding at City Hall with just a couple of friends and our immediate family members. My biggest fear in life is him dying before me...I couldn't handle that. We're best friends, lovers, training partners, parents, and business partners. He is my greatest joy in life and I'm very proud to be his wife. We rarely argue or fight and have the same tastes in just about everything. I couldn't have dreamed up a better partner to spend the rest of my life with. :heart:
 
MrsPuddlesFL said:
I've been with my husband for 20 years and am more in love with him now than ever. I wasn't expecting a proposal when he did it, but my immediate reaction was yes. We just knew we were right for one another. We skipped the big ceremony and had a small wedding at City Hall with just a couple of friends and our immediate family members. My biggest fear in life is him dying before me...I couldn't handle that. We're best friends, lovers, training partners, parents, and business partners. He is my greatest joy in life and I'm very proud to be his wife. We rarely argue or fight and have the same tastes in just about everything. I couldn't have dreamed up a better partner to spend the rest of my life with. :heart:
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hey good for you! :) (not to demean the thread) what kind of business are you in? business partners just sounds crazy for a husband/wife (outside of MLM type, which is awesome IMO)
 
juicedpigtails said:
hey good for you! :) (not to demean the thread) what kind of business are you in? business partners just sounds crazy for a husband/wife (outside of MLM type, which is awesome IMO)
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We have a retail store and some internet businesses. We've been working together for about 12 yrs. now.
 
LOL He really is the king of his castle, just like Ralph Kramden. He is also the keeper of the remote control. ;)
 
Wow, it's really interesting to read what I posted so many months ago concerning this topic. I have a totally different outlook on life now. A lot of has happened in the months since then to make me really stop and consider what I want. That apartment and Daschund that I mentioned would be easy outs. It would be so easy to say that love is not worth getting hurt over and I'm better off not trying it. Someone helped me see that's not the case. I don't know why I was so scared and unwilling to open myself up before. And yes, there's a chance in any relationship that it won't work, but it's a risk worth taking. I discovered that I am cut out for the married life. I want the kids and the husband. I want to be a good wife, the kind he can be proud of. I want the house and the dog...the whole nine yards. Now, the tough part is actually getting there.
 
velvett said:
That's good.



At least you won't be one of those people who find the right one and then break their heart with the inability to get over the past.



:)
Click to expand...


I'm afraid that I will be one of those people.
 
My wife is my soulmate, and I love her more than life itself, but honestly the only reason we actually got married was to promise ourselves to be faithful to each other. We didn't need the big expensive ceremony (we got married in Vegas, just the two of us), we aren't going to have children, we lived together for years before making it official. We could have promised ourselves to each other without the legal papers and lived happily ever after, but marriage just makes it easier to explain it to family and friends. Our lives are no different after being married than it was before, it's just official now.

I think marriage is important for couples having children, but if two people just want to spend the rest of their lives together and they trust one another, then I don't feel it's as important. I know two couples who have lived their whole lives together but never got married, I don't see their love for each other being any less strong than my wife's and mine's.
 
PHATchik said:
I discovered that I am cut out for the married life. I want the kids and the husband. I want to be a good wife, the kind he can be proud of. I want the house and the dog...the whole nine yards. Now, the tough part is actually getting there.
Click to expand...


Be careful what you wish for.... What you are describing isn't all that it is cracked up to be.

I know these terms are merely a simplistic way of describing a notion of something that is so much more, but wheneve I hear or see these things I feel so suffocated that I can hardly breathe.

I will never marry.... period. You all are looking at the permanent girlfriend
 
I'm getting married in October. I'm marrying my best friend. We love each other to pieces. I've never felt so comfortable around someone else. After 4 years of living together, we're still excited to see each other at the end of the day and are both a little sad when we leave for work every morning.

We both want the same tings in life. I'm very supportive of his career and he's very supportive of my education (even though neither of us are home much). He's amazing with kids and I've love to have kids with him at some point (in a looooong time). I think it's a mix of formalizing our love/friendship and a business deal. When we first started talking about buying a house a few months ago I made it clear that he wasn't going to be involved or on the paperwork if he didn't plan to marry me. But if he planned to, I was willing to buy it together.

I don't think getting married will be magical and everything will be roses. I think some people think that. We'll have the same problems then that we work on now. But for both of us, it's worth the effort.
 
Raina said:
After 4 years of living together, we're still excited to see each other at the end of the day and are both a little sad when we leave for work every morning.
Click to expand...

Out of everything you said these were the most telling statements IMO.

This is the one. :) :)
 
Velvett, Honestly it was a bit of all 3 things you stated.

It's also about making a commitment or contract if you will that helps you
to realize how important THIS relationship is compared to a dating one.
This commitment helps when times get tough to make you realize you have got
to work through it vs: just saying F this and walking away..

Kinda like Car payment that are upside down in value LOL...
 
Raina said:
When we first started talking about buying a house a few months ago I made it clear that he wasn't going to be involved or on the paperwork if he didn't plan to marry me. But if he planned to, I was willing to buy it together.
Click to expand...
Raina, congratulations on getting married. I hope you don't feel like you had to twist his arm. I can't imagine why you'd have to, you're a catch. If he doesn't realize that, then...
 
Raina said:
I don't think getting married will be magical and everything will be roses. I think some people think that. We'll have the same problems then that we work on now. But for both of us, it's worth the effort.
Click to expand...

GOOD FOR YOU!!! ;)

I wish you both patience, understanding, kindness, mutual respect and support.... all of life's blessings and the strength to weather the storm.

I sincerely hope that you both will continue to enrich each other's lives until the sun sets on your days together.... to that end, I hope the sun never goes down.
 
I think marriage is unnecessary. I am not a christian, and I find marriage rather silly.

Marriage is an insurance for people to still have a lover when they are gray and old and unattractive, it is in fact the most unromantic thing in the world. It brings up associations in me with a complete lack of any real desire, curiousity or joy in life, of simply going through the motions of a supposed normal life without any deeper thought.

Most people dont believe in reincarnation and I dont either, so most people realise that they only walk this earth once, yet they decide to try and keep things fresh with 1 person, out of 6 billion, for like 50 years. It goes against all common sense.

I dont like the hypocrisy of marriage, the woman symbolically pretending to be a virgin, and both lovers promising eternal love and trust and support. As if they have power over that.

Like half of marriages end in divorce. out of the half that do not, the majority SHOULD end in divorce.
 
Last edited:
I say we all move to a commune and run around naked having sex with everyone..
We can grow crops and do Mescal and Shrooms and sell homemade jewelery to the
locals in town..
We can raise any children as a community and name them sunshine, hope and glitter
 
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